Need to pull myself together for the children

[Simonfromharlow]

My husband left me 10 days ago. I feel so down. I'm being a shit mum to my kids as I can't pull myself together. This is so hard. I don't know how to cope.

Yes the oldest knows. The youngest isn't really aware although did try to give him a simplified version.

The oldest is totally confused. I feel so sorry for him. He doesn't know how to deal with it.

You tell him dad wanted to go,. Daddy was not happy and it is not to do with your eldest, daddy choose this all by himself, and no one is to blame for any of this. Sometimes people just get unhappy and split up...

I did say that and I said it nothing to do with us and we'll be ok. Things will be a bit different but WE WILL BE OK.

Hi Simon just checking in with you . Telling the kids is the part we all dread but at that age they only need a brief explanation then move on.
The hardest part was acting all cheery and happy when daddy was around, so now I just settle for 'civil'. My ds observed ' are you and daddy not friends any more?' I said no, sometimes people are not friends but we will be friends again soon . He accepted that and I just keep reinforcing that we both love him very much .
Good luck with your spring cleaning tomorrow, it's a great idea. Very therapeutic and also a job that always needs doing !

Just sending you some love and letting you know people are thinking of you x

I can't thank you all enough honestly!

I just don't want you too feel alone dealing with this..

The way he is dealing with leaving today is shitty to day the least.

It's him being selfish. This whole thing is him being fucking selfish

Bloody well done.
Your cross...
You need to be cross, it help you heal.
It helps you not bend and be his punch ball...

Hi again, I'd highly recommend the book Mum and Dad Glue to help the children understand. We got it from the library but I've bought a copy now as my eldest in particular has really latched onto it. I'd also hesitate to tell the children it was all daddy's choice as that implies he's chosen to leave them...which I know is how it feels but you've said yourself that he seems cut up about leaving them. I'm totally not saying you're not entitled to be angry and hurt, but the children are half their dad, so resenting him is resenting half of themselves. Scream and cry in private definitely though. I'm saying this as the parent who has left the family home; ours is perhaps a different situation as we've been trying to make things better for a long time and it's just come to a natural end now (it's still bloody hard and painful) and reading some of the responses about another man leaving his kids for selfish reasons is a bit hard for me. I think the end of a relationship is hard for everyone involved

I should probably clarify that I'm the mother, not the father.

Mumsnet was amazing when I went through this.
It was my 3am saviour. It was my place for self pity. I waited five weeks for my xh to go, the limbo was the worst bit.

We’re with you Simon

Yep the limbo is shit. Analysing everything he says in case he's changed his mind. Wanting to burst into tears every time I hear his key in the door. Wondering who he's texting etc etc

@Misty9 it was his decision to say it like that. The eldest asked him if mummy had done something bad and he said no it's not mummy's fault it's just me.

I will look for that book!

simon oh that's hard if he chose to say it like that. I hope you didn't take offence to my comment ending truly is shit. But there is light at the end of the tunnel hopefully. Will he be having the kids? You will definitely need the space to process everything.

I went through this a few years ago. Almost word for word. It was awful and I crumbled, I honestly hadn't seen it coming. Like you from the outside my kids were clean, fed and at school on time but I wasn't the mum they knew for a while. I did drag myself out of that hole and my kids got their mum back, but it took a few months.

@simon, given your username Im only a few miles away. Chin up

He'll be having them every other weekend and sharing the holidays.

No I didn't take offence! I didn't want to give any detail just wanted to give a basic account.

@SometimesAlwayBaby I'm not from Harlow but am in Essex

I thought I'd posted this earlier but it didn't go.

He finally left at 8. It was horrible. I just stood there crying my eyes out. He just said bye then and got in his car.

The beginning of my new life. I'm so scared.

Thinking of you @Simonfromharlow, remember the pain so clearly but it will fade. Too raw at the moment and unfortunately you will be faced with your H stringing you along so best prepare and get your guards up. Don't let him hurt you further.

It is scary, right now. But there are many, many of us who have been where you are. And we are ok, just as you will be.

I ate mainly peanut butter on toast for a long time. Didn’t sleep much.

Get some sleep aid tablets from the chemist, they’re useful to have in the cupboard.

Tough days ahead, but nothing you can’t handle.

I found counselling incredibly helpful for giving me strength, support and for sticking to boundaries.

Can't stop crying today. He's really gone.

Have a cry, do not feel guilty, but then you need to make plans ..
Lists you can tick off easily, so you can see your progressing.

He left his precious West Ham mug and I smashed it into a million pieces. Felt fantastic.

Me and my mum are embarking on the spring clean now. Actually feeling lighter now I've cried a bit.

Well done with the smashing of the West Ham mug - glad it made you feel better. Hope the spring clean going well. Its a really good thing to be doing right now. You're making space for good energy to come through.