Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Need to pull myself together for the children

676 replies

Simonfromharlow · 20/04/2019 13:55

My husband left me 10 days ago. I feel so down. I'm being a shit mum to my kids as I can't pull myself together. This is so hard. I don't know how to cope.

OP posts:
Original poster
Simonfromharlow · 22/04/2019 11:42

Just got to keep on going and take very day as it comes

OP posts:
Original poster
Simonfromharlow · 22/04/2019 11:43

Every

OP posts:
Theoldwoman · 22/04/2019 13:21

All the best. One step forward at a time. Try not to think too much. Keep busy during the day so you sleep at night. Your children will be okay, they will be the shining lights in all of this.

flowerbombVR · 22/04/2019 14:37

Hi OP

Had to comment to share my support for you. You can and will do this. I too have been there and yours sounds very similar to my experience. DH decided almost out of the blue that he was leaving, appeared quite happy and not even concerned for myself or dc. It was devastating. It turned out tbat he was hiding an addiction problem, very well but couldn't any longer at home.
I say this to remind you that, whatever is going on, it's his problem. You are there for your kids. He is the one who has walked away after making vows. Because it takes someone with a big f*ing ego that behaves that way. If he is hiding something from you then you are best rid.

I have never lost weight in my life like I did then. Just take care of yourself and be kind to yourself. Get up and show up when you can and don't let him see you upset. He doesn't deserve to see that. Twat.

Keeping you and your dc in my thoughts and prayers xx

selina19 · 22/04/2019 14:46

I've been where you are and this has happened for a reason. Cliche but I know it doesn't feel like it now but you are meant to go onto better things in your life without him. You will heal you are just going through the motions.
I don't know what happened between you but I always think you need to get angry now after this stage. Even if it was mutual or he hadn't cheated just wants out whatever. HE chose to leave you. HE chose to the leave family and not try.. you get my drift.take no blame start to resent him(don't key his car or anything 🙈) I just mean get angry. This is not your fault it's him it will help you cope.
He didn't and doesn't deserve you.
You will get over this!!

Original poster
Simonfromharlow · 22/04/2019 17:06

I thought I was doing ok. He's been picking his stuff up. Seeing the stuff all bagged up made me literally vomit. I'm so sad.

OP posts:
flowerbombVR · 22/04/2019 17:34

You poor thing. You can do this. Let your body react like it wants to then just pick yourself back up. Can you get a family member or friend to sit with you ?

Original poster
Simonfromharlow · 22/04/2019 17:37

I think I've had the worst possible reaction. Just need him to go now so I can start building myself up again

OP posts:
MortyVicar · 22/04/2019 19:43

The worst possible reaction would have been clinging on to his legs and begging him not to go.

The second worst would have been promising you'd change, do anything he wanted, if only he would stay.

Actual throwing up probably comes in at around 45th in the list of worst things you could do. Shock and trauma and fear do strange things to our bodies, it's the adrenaline talking.

Agree with a PP, use all your energy and focus on what you and the DCs are doing, and what you need to do. You WILL get through this.
Flowers

Original poster
Simonfromharlow · 22/04/2019 20:44

I'm
Hoping when he's actually gone tomorrow the horrible limbo feeling will improve. It's final then and I have to get on with life. I can see how cut up he is about leaving the kids so I feel very lucky to still have them here with me every day.

OP posts:
flowerbombVR · 22/04/2019 23:49

There you go you can see something positive already xx

Just popped on to say I'm still thinking if you and your dc and Keeping you in my prayers. Deep breaths...

X

Mummyoftwo91 · 22/04/2019 23:55

Hi op, just wanted to say your doing amazing

Cheekyfeckery · 23/04/2019 08:15

Hi SimonfromHarlow, you will get through today.

It won’t be easy, but you will.

Flowers
flowerbombVR · 23/04/2019 09:22

Hi Simon

Sending some encouragement your way. We are here for you to vent too. Try to stay strong.

X

Beerincomechampagnetastes · 23/04/2019 09:30

Flowers for you op

You sound so much stronger than I think you realise xxx

Ferfeckssake · 23/04/2019 10:10

Reacting to a traumatic change in your life is perfectly normal. Nothing to be ashamed of. Do what you need to do.

Please take all the help you are offered , it truly does make coping easier.
So sorry that yet another selfish man has no compunction about hurting his wife and children. But you are better than this and you will be OK.FlowersFlowers

OoohAyyye · 23/04/2019 10:17

Bless you OP. Today will be hard. Once he's gone you may be very upset. Don't stop yourself crying. You'll probably feel stronger afterwards. Go easy on yourself.

Original poster
Simonfromharlow · 23/04/2019 13:04

Thanks all. I've planned that tomorrow I'm
Going to attempt a spring clean. The house has been totally neglected since he told me. Start off my new life as I mean to go on.

OP posts:
Original poster
Simonfromharlow · 23/04/2019 13:07

Thinking of positive things and writing them down! Top one being no more ginger pubes in the bath haha

OP posts:
Cheekyfeckery · 23/04/2019 13:12

Good call about the spring clean. Throw those curtains wide. Flowers

mummmy2017 · 23/04/2019 18:07

Do one room at a time,so you can see results,. Enjoy your big bed tonight, angel spreading awaits ..

Original poster
Simonfromharlow · 23/04/2019 18:11

He's still here. Think he's waiting for the kids to go to bed. I wish he'd just go.

OP posts:
Cheekyfeckery · 23/04/2019 18:19

Oh for fucks sake.

Have you told the children anything?

mummmy2017 · 23/04/2019 18:19

Plan a take away for you , so you have a treat to look forward too.
Also your allowed to tell him to go....
Kids are having a bath, please can you say goodbye now.

mummmy2017 · 23/04/2019 18:22

Also tell him you don't want him to put them to bed as they need to see him go and say goodbye...
What about doing pancakes for breakfast, to make tomorrow special.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread