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Original poster

Son wants to come home

279 replies

dustarr73 · 14/04/2019 14:52

Went homeless with his gf and baby son.She is going home to her mothers,he wants to come back here.But the problem is i just dont have the room for him.

My 3 younger sons share,my eldest has his own room,and me and dp have a room.
He wants our room,but the only way he can come back here is of he goes in with the 3 younger boys.And now hes trying to guilttrip me.Im so torn.

OP posts:
IceRebel · 14/04/2019 19:37

A job?

Surely there's no incentive to get a job if he's already moved in.

Acis · 14/04/2019 19:38

IceRebel, that was in answer to a question about what OP expects her son to do now, before he moves in.

Acis · 14/04/2019 19:39
  • indeed instead of moving in.
IceRebel · 14/04/2019 19:41

Ah apologies, I misunderstood. Grin But I definitely agree he needs to have something in place before moving in, once he's back there's no incentive to change his behaviour.

NorthEndGal · 14/04/2019 19:47

I'd tell him to get a job, and he can ride the sofa until he saves enough to move out again, maybe with the other older brother

notapizzaeater · 14/04/2019 19:51

I'm presuming he's going to be paying board otherwise it's not fair on your other son.

Moorfields · 14/04/2019 20:34

I'd encourage both older sons to share a flat, that would free up room for the younger children. Your 23 yr old needs to get a job /training or an education to provide from himself & his family.

I'd provide the sofa as a short term solution but would be on his case to get a job. There's plenty available from a quick search on the internet.

ie.indeed.com/m/jobs?q=&l=Dublin

user1457017537 · 14/04/2019 21:00

I think it’s appalling that in 2019 a young family can be homeless and that there is no provision for them to have social housing. This country is sickening me

woodhill · 14/04/2019 21:02

Think it's Ireland not the UK.

However, people need to be responsible

Pumpkintopf · 14/04/2019 21:13

Op you refer to your dp - is he your 23 year old's father? If not could 23 year old ds's dad house him??

Original poster
dustarr73 · 14/04/2019 21:21

@Pumpkintopf yes my dp is all of my sons father

OP posts:
DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 14/04/2019 21:22

Please don’t let him come back and camp in your younger kids room.

user1487194234 · 14/04/2019 21:28

I would let him come home until he gets sorted
Just couldn't risk him being on the street

TheweewitchRoz · 14/04/2019 21:46

Offer him the sofa and nothing else - I don't even understand why this is a dilemma Confused

HollowTalk · 14/04/2019 21:57

Why didn't they stay in the family hub?

Why won't his girlfriend's mum have him there?

Has he ever worked?

Moorfields · 14/04/2019 22:03

Are you scared of your son? You've hinted at his overpowering personality earlier on in the thread. Has he been violent if he's not had his way before?

LordWheresMyShoes · 14/04/2019 22:04

He can have the sofa, and a caravan on the drive when he's got a job and earned enough money = paid enough rent to fund it.

Like hell would I put younger children out for an adult son too lazy to work who thinks they're entitled to kick me out of my room!

Binglebong · 14/04/2019 22:27

If neither of them work, why on earth did they go ahead with the pregnancy?

This is Ireland, abortion is not available as it is in England. And that's without going into if it was a planned pregnancy (which I would agree would be unwise), carelessness, a condom fail etc. Or if an abortion would have been considered if available. While not ideal the child is here.

an1997 · 14/04/2019 22:36

No idea why you're housing a 24 year old and accepting a 23 year old father when you have three children sleeping in one room. All seems pretty ridiculous to me. Your sons or not I wouldn't be accepting it

IndianaMoleWoman · 14/04/2019 22:39

Has he ever worked?
Does he have any qualifications?
Have you discussed how long he would be staying for?
I’m guessing not, but are you in a position to offer any other type of support, eg deposit on a private rental, childcare whilst your son and his partner work?
To be honest it sounds like him moving in would have a profoundly negative impact on everyone in your already overcrowded home.

SquirrelShit · 14/04/2019 22:47

Why on earth is he not working (or trying to find work?)

My parents always told me, "When you leave full-time education, you leave home'. With hindsight I'm very grateful for this, because I could otherwise have become quite a lazy fucker in my twenties.

Pumpkintopf · 14/04/2019 23:05

Hmm, well I wouldn't see him without a roof over his head but I wouldn't give up my room either. Sofa, find a job, save up, move out.

MissPhonic · 14/04/2019 23:09

You have a duty of care towards your primary school aged children to protect them. Allowing your adult son to move back woukd be acceptable if he was a role model who would fit in and help with your family dynamic. As it is, it sounds as if he will cause turmoil and drama and a thoroughly unpleasant environment in which your children should be thriving.

Your feckless son has had his chance. Do not allow this man child to ruin your younger children's chances.

VetinarisTerrier · 14/04/2019 23:16

Seriously people, stop having a go at the OP for having five kids or for having three kids in one room! Big flipping whoop. This is not a case of neglect or abuse. Leave off!

On another thread recently a man was being blackballed for speaking to a newspaper. He had four children in SH, one poster said why did he have four kids if he needed SH. Everyone jumped in and said 'how dare anyone comment on how many children he had, it's not your business!' While I think this applies pretty clearly here as well. It's none of your damn business whether she has five or fifteen children!

The kindest loveliest family I ever met lived in a two bedroom flat and the three kids (two boys and a girl) shared one tiny room. Ten years later their kids are still the sweetest kindest kids I've ever encountered. It's not space that makes for decent people, it's just love/care, as is evident from this thread. The people banging on at the OP about the amount of kids/space are not decent people even if they have oodles of space Hmm.

PotterHead1985 · 14/04/2019 23:21

To all those asking why they had the child - google Ireland and abortion, and I don't mean the recent referendum (although that is a step in the right direction). Assuming the child wasn't planned they didn't have much choice.

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