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Original poster

Son wants to come home

279 replies

dustarr73 · 14/04/2019 14:52

Went homeless with his gf and baby son.She is going home to her mothers,he wants to come back here.But the problem is i just dont have the room for him.

My 3 younger sons share,my eldest has his own room,and me and dp have a room.
He wants our room,but the only way he can come back here is of he goes in with the 3 younger boys.And now hes trying to guilttrip me.Im so torn.

OP posts:
OhTheRoses · 14/04/2019 17:21

How can a mother not know why her eldest child isn't working? Serious question.

DS finished uni and had a gap year. He was not working for two weeks. The two weks it took him to get a job packing for Amazon while he looked for something better. He had three interviews arranged within the week and a reasonable first job in a sector useful to his future career plans within a couple of weeks after that. He has done a masters this year and has kept on with them for about 16-20 hpw. They have offered a perm job when he finishes. Talks to us about his plans all the time.

Gitfeatures · 14/04/2019 17:22

So what was he doing all day when he was staying at yours?

DataBreachCentral · 14/04/2019 17:23

OP if it were me I'd give him 2 options

  1. come home and sleep on the sofa
  2. remain at the homeless hub

If he doesn't like either then that's just tough luck.

Mummyoflittledragon · 14/04/2019 17:24

I think the caravan on the drive sounds like a good option if he can afford to heat it, which doesn’t sound likely.

Singlenotsingle · 14/04/2019 17:24

He wants your room? Wtf? He's a CF! Shock

DataBreachCentral · 14/04/2019 17:27

Does he have any qualifications or training in a specific area?

Is he qualified for any jobs that come with live-in accommodation?

errorofjudgement · 14/04/2019 17:29

Your son and his girlfriend are both adults, with responsibilities. One or other, or both, need to get a job and pay for housing and food for their family.
If you can help then you should, but it sounds like you have still have a family to support. Your adult son needs to start supporting his family. As does his girlfriend.

CJSmith2019 · 14/04/2019 17:30

Can he continue to live in the hub?
It's not even remotely fair of him to suggest that you should give him your room.

Thesnobbymiddleclassone · 14/04/2019 17:31

Why can't he go to the GFs house with their baby.

shrumps · 14/04/2019 17:31

He's a grown man. Stop enabling him,FFS. This situation sounds horrendous, don't make it so your younger children also grow up to believe their is no consequence to their own life choices.

Eustasiavye · 14/04/2019 17:32

Does the girlfriend work?
If neither of them work, why on earth did they go ahead with the pregnancy?
I would not let him have a bedroom.
Your other son pays board so he will not want him sharing a room with him.
Don't give up your room.
I'd say it's the sofa or nothing.

titchy · 14/04/2019 17:32

Well what advice are you looking for then? You don't have the space and he's a grown adult with a family to support. He's not your responsibility. Sofa for two weeks. That's it.

Why would you even think he is being reasonable.

With three kids in one room I'd be encouraging the other son to house share as well tbh

NoHolidaysforyou · 14/04/2019 17:32

You need to keep your room. He needs to sleep on the sofa and find something to do that can support his family. If he has no skills then he needs to go to college or join the military.

DrMadelineMaxwell · 14/04/2019 17:33

I'd be offering him sofa room only, especially if he doesn't work and can't pay rent.

ChariotsofFish · 14/04/2019 17:39

He was in a homeless base and being dealt with on that basis. Why can he no longer stay there?

Mammajay · 14/04/2019 17:39

I think your working son needs to be made aware ( he probably has been) that he pays rent and that it is his room, not for sharing. For the other son, you need to step back and let him man up. He should not be coming home now if he has a bed in the homeless hub. You clearly want to do the best thing and that is the best thing. You are a loving mum but he sounds rather spoilt.

Original poster
dustarr73 · 14/04/2019 17:41

@titchy Just to have a bit of a rant really.I agree they should have thought of all this before.I will tell him its the kids room or nothing.

He cant stay where he is cause its a family hub.
Plus they are miles from us,i think if they where a bit closer they could probably stick it out.

OP posts:
N2986 · 14/04/2019 17:45

Seriously op it's the sofa or nothing. Id also be pointing out if he got a job and was willing to pay fair rent id look at extending the house/ getting an annexe with the rent for him and the gf.

I'm an absolute softy with my DC but there's no way in hell he'd be getting my bedroom. I can't believe he dares to ask

HolyForkingShirt · 14/04/2019 17:48

I don't really understand why he can't get a job and rent a flat/room like everyone else in their 20s?

Why are not encouraging this?

IceRebel · 14/04/2019 17:48

I will tell him its the kids room or nothing.

Surely there isn't space in the room. Confused There are already 3 children in there, and given the ages it would be unsuitable for an adult to share with them.

Original poster
dustarr73 · 14/04/2019 17:50

The kids room will only be for a few weeks.It will encourage him to get something quicker

OP posts:
DataBreachCentral · 14/04/2019 17:50

He cant stay where he is cause its a family hub.

Presumably that means that his gf and baby were previously there with him? If so then it's his gf who has made him homeless by going back to her parents as if she'd stayed he would still have somewhere to live.

JocelynBell1 · 14/04/2019 17:51

I think you need to stop enabling him and prioritise your younger children.

IceRebel · 14/04/2019 17:53

It will encourage him to get something quicker

What else are you expecting him to get?

He doesn't have a job, so he can't rent a room
He isn't welcome at his GFs parents
He won't want to go back to a homeless shelter

If you let him back, he won't be ready to leave again in a hurry.

ReginaGeorgeous · 14/04/2019 17:55

I don't understand why you don't appear to have discussed what your sons plans actually are beyond moving back into your house. He should be actively looking for work and thinking about how he's going to house his own child going forward. Why aren't you asking him why these things aren't happening?