Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Son wants to come home

279 replies

dustarr73 · 14/04/2019 14:52

Went homeless with his gf and baby son.She is going home to her mothers,he wants to come back here.But the problem is i just dont have the room for him.

My 3 younger sons share,my eldest has his own room,and me and dp have a room.
He wants our room,but the only way he can come back here is of he goes in with the 3 younger boys.And now hes trying to guilttrip me.Im so torn.

OP posts:
LunafortJest · 14/04/2019 17:55

OP you didn't think to ask what his plans are? Why he's not working? Don't you and your son talk at all? Even when he wasn't living at home, surely you spoke on to phone to catch up every now and then, and you'd ask how he was, what he was doing etc.

Haven't you even asked asked him what his plans for the future is? It sounds like there is no communication between mother-son at all.

Charles11 · 14/04/2019 17:59

If that was my child, I’d offer them the sofa or an air bed in the kids room with the condition that he finds a job, saves a bit of money and then rents somewhere and learn to become independent.
It’s always worth getting a job even if it’s low paid. Salaries go up. Benefits don’t.

cocomelon23 · 14/04/2019 18:02

HE SHOULD BE WORKING!

Ellie56 · 14/04/2019 18:08

That's my dilemma,he wont do that. Well that's just tough shit isn't it? Just tell him that's the only option on offer and keep saying it. Why can't he go back to the homeless hub?

YorkieTheRabbit · 14/04/2019 18:08

He wants your room so his girlfriend can stay, simple
If he’s sharing with any of his siblings she can’t stay. Her parents haven’t room for all three, he thinks that if he gets back at yours then they’ll be able to go back to living at yours for sometime.
I’d offer him the sofa, having to share isn’t fair on the others.

Illberidingshotgun · 14/04/2019 18:12

I'd be worried that you don't know why he's not working. Presume it's not because of illness, disability, redundancy, otherwise you would no this.

If he was actively seeking work and needed help for a few weeks to get him back on his feet, then of course, I'm sure the majority of parents would want to support.

What is his line of work and when was he last working?

Illberidingshotgun · 14/04/2019 18:13

*know

CuriousaboutSamphire · 14/04/2019 18:14

No! Not the kids room.

THE BLOODY SOFA - AS UNCOMFORTABLE AND INCONVENIENT AS POSSIBLE

Or he'll just stay! And you really can't accomodate that!

errorofjudgement · 14/04/2019 18:16

You have an 11 year old, a 9 year old and an 8 year old sharing a bedroom. Putting s 23 year old man in their room too albeit he’s their brother, does not sound like any sort of a solution.

He’s not working I don’t know why
I think that’s the real question you need him to resolve.

PepsiLola · 14/04/2019 18:21

He should only be offered the couch temporary

You should also mention to your second eldest that the house is quite overcrowded so if he could also look for somewhere to rent.

Then your two bedroom house (will still be overcrowded) will be more bearable.

I think that's the fairest way. You can't favrour one of your older sons

cuppycakey · 14/04/2019 18:23

OP - if he's too bullying and controlling for his older brother, why on earth would you put him in a room with the little ones?

Tell him he can have the sofa but he has to be up when everyone else gets up and you need evidence of jobseeking or he's out after x amount of time.

Aveeno2017 · 14/04/2019 18:28

Who pays the rent/mortgage You or him? Tell him it's the sofa or nothing!! He's 23 him and his girlfriend should of thought about somewhere to live before getting pregnant!!

Nanny0gg · 14/04/2019 18:29

And i have no idea why hes not working.

I'd be asking him...

IHateUncleJamie · 14/04/2019 18:30

The kids room will only be for a few weeks.It will encourage him to get something quicker

Will it, though? It doesn’t sound like it, going on past form.
Also, how is that fair on your 3 youngest?

Why are you so determined that he gets a proper bed, when you don’t even know why he’s not working? Confused

Namenic · 14/04/2019 18:30

OP - people are harsh - I would have expected my kids to be able to support themselves at 23/24 if required. I would say sofa or floor of older brother’s room. But your house, your rules - don’t let the oldest or second bully you. If he starts to contribute to rent/living costs - get a bunk for the 2 older ones or a foldaway mattress/sofa bed. If he behaves badly, he can go out.

MitziK · 14/04/2019 18:31

So, why has she left him and gone back to her Mum's?

Because she's had enough of him not working/engaging with the hub and wants better for her child? Has she really left or is she saying this to get him out? Is she going to apply again on the basis of being a single Mum? Or is she just fed up with living with a child who expects everything to be sorted by somebody else and hopes that he'll grow up and sort himself out if they're 'together' but separate, rather than stomping back home to tell Mummy to get out of her bed again?

OhTheRoses · 14/04/2019 18:33

To be fair and on reflection, if this were my son I'd be heartbroken he'd ended up unemployed, seemingly ditched by the gf due to being unable to provide and pretty much washed up at 24.

FFS OP he should have a job, decent mobile, holidays, spends and generally be having a blast!

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 14/04/2019 18:44

So, why has she left him and gone back to her Mum's?

She has gone back to her Mum's because as a "single" parent living "insecurely" in her mother's house, which is probably overcrowded, she stands a much better chance of being housed. She will have to wait a while, and may have a further child (or more) but she will eventually get housed. It's a way of life, and for the people I know who have done it, it probably was the best available option.

cliquewhyohwhy · 14/04/2019 18:46

Why upset your other children when they are already over crowded in one room! It's a sofa or nothing. God you really do pander to his needs, no wonder he has turned out to be a man child when he doesn't need to stand on your his two feet!

titchy · 14/04/2019 18:48

I will tell him its the kids room or nothing.

Jesus prioritise your children, not your feckless lazy adult child.

Gitfeatures · 14/04/2019 18:55

The eldest doesnt want to share because the one that wants to come back than be very overbearing.He will just take over the room

But you're happy to inflict this on the 3 younger ones?

DontPanic42 · 14/04/2019 19:11

It seems to me that he can move in with the younger ones, or with your eldest ( if the three younger ones shared in that room, I'm sure you could fit two adults in there) or stay where he is. He may want your room but that doesn't mean he can have it. And if he chooses to stay where he is, so he it, that's his choice.

AllTheFunAndGames · 14/04/2019 19:15

He could couch surf. I knew a guy who did this. He used a registered website. People leave reviews so you can suss out what the place is like first.
Any space where people sleep in gardens/estates (outdoor garden rooms/cabins) need planning in Ireland. Brendan Courtney covered it in his latest 'find me a home' programme. Get on to your local TD's and keep on to them until they do something. The squeaky wheel gets all the oil. Homelessness in Ireland is a massive problem. Has he put the word out to his pals on social media? Get on to the citizens advice and social welfare to make sure he is getting his full entitlements.

Mummyoflittledragon · 14/04/2019 19:20

I will tell him it’s the kids room or nothing.

Jesus prioritise your children not your feckless lazy adult child.

^^ This. Exactly this. Your eldest will take over your second child’s room and your answer is to put him in with children. Really??? He’s going to make these three boys lives hell!

Acis · 14/04/2019 19:36

What else are you expecting him to get?

A job?

Swipe left for the next trending thread