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Original poster

Ds 13 wanting to be intimate with girlfriend

126 replies

Chocolou · 11/04/2019 15:22

Ds 13 has a girlfriend of 2.5 months. She's the same age. I don't know anything about her as they went to different schools.

I occasionally check his phone. I think he's forgotten this. Anyway he's texted one of his mates asking how to finger her. Girlfriend wants to move things this way too it seems as she has got a friend to ask him to do "stuff"

How the fuck do I handle this? I'm so worried she will end of pregnant if it carries on. He's 13!!! I have talked to him about condoms recently. It just feels so inappropriate and they both seem as needy as each other!

OP posts:
QOD · 11/04/2019 15:24

I’ve never thought about boys actually not quite knowing what to do ... they always seemed to back in my day wink🙄😉

Stuckandsad · 11/04/2019 15:30

A very firm chat about too much too soon. At 15 I would tread lightly but 13 is much much too young

Stuckandsad · 11/04/2019 15:31

Also they're not mature enough to be doing things to each other if they have to go through their mates.

Original poster
Chocolou · 11/04/2019 15:31

What the hell do I say? He's the type of kid that will do his own thing anyway. I am strict with him.

I'm so scared this is going to end off badly. She has already touched his penis it seems. Not sure if that was through clothes or hands down pants.

OP posts:
sirmione16 · 11/04/2019 15:32

They're 13, they're starting to be exposed to this and they're of course getting the hormones, feelings and desires. If you've had the condom talk - why are you too surprised? Also just remember teenagers are a LOT of talk rather than action, ultimately it mostly comes to nothing much.

You need to inform and trust your son, set your boundaries as to whether they're allowed in bedrooms alone together etc and let him grow up at his own pace. Bless him asking his friends for advice! They're just figuring it all out. Guide him, but don't over power him. Maybe give him a male he could go to who you trust to give the right advice and support.

Original poster
Chocolou · 11/04/2019 15:32

I have gone through the it's still illegal.

Didn't think I'd have to be dealing with this at 13!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Chocolou · 11/04/2019 15:33

Is it worth having condoms in the house just incase? Or is that encouraging them
To do it?

OP posts:
Original poster
Chocolou · 11/04/2019 15:35

I actually don't trust him to be alone in the house. Got a feeling he would sneak her in. He's already been to her house without parents they didn't know. Was just to play with the dog......

OP posts:
Whatdoyouknowwhenyouknownowt · 11/04/2019 15:37

I was in school many decades ago and a 13yo in my year was the subject of gossip for a while and did turn out to be pregnant. It does happen.

I'd be having a chat as he defo doesn't think he's too young.

Palominoo · 11/04/2019 15:40

Can you talk to her parents about their closeness so that both families are together on what their children should and should not be doing?

Original poster
Chocolou · 11/04/2019 15:41

I've no idea who her parents are sadly.

OP posts:
AllTheWhoresOfMalta · 11/04/2019 15:43

A girl in my year got pregnant at 13 more than 20 years ago and the father was the same age- it’s always happened.

Strict boundaries about them being alone together I think.

Chocolateisfab · 11/04/2019 15:43

Playing with the dog must be a new euphemism!!

Stuckandsad · 11/04/2019 15:43

I mean you can't stop him OP but it's seems like hes just going along with it rather than excited about It? I would worry that He might be emotionally affected if she dumps him after or tells all her mates he was shit. I don't think that age they are emotionally mature enough.
I think you could definitely try to push the message that you really need to trust and care for someone who you want to be intimate with. There's no way he has that after only 2 months

Original poster
Chocolou · 11/04/2019 15:44

🤣🤣 god I hope not!!!

OP posts:
Palominoo · 11/04/2019 15:52

I would also present him with the legalities if sending and receiving nude photographs and god forbid, forwarding such images.

Lovemusic33 · 11/04/2019 15:57

I think you just need to have a chat with him, you can not stop him but you can remind him that they are underage and that she could easily accuse him of assaulting her if the relationship was to end?

I have a 13 year old dd who has sn’s and I have had to talk to her after she touched a boy, my dd is mentally a lot younger but at 13 obviously has feelings towards the opposite sex, I have reminded her about what is ok and what isn’t and school have done some work with her and the boy on ‘healthy relationships’ and ‘bounderies’. You maybe able to get advice from the school but I think a good honest chat about bounderies from you will help. All you can do is try and advise him but at the end of the day he will decide what he wants to do.

mummmy2017 · 11/04/2019 16:00

Tell him the truth.
Hey son, we need to chat about girls
You need to understand that if you do anything with your girlfriend according to the police you will be the one breaking the law, it does not matter that she wanted you to do it, if her dad took her to the police . .. it is you that will find your being accused, not her , and could end up as a registered sex offender, which will follow you all your life..
Also if you get excited and don't protect yourself, not only could you end up a dad, but if the person has sex with someone before you, you could end up with an STI.....

SkintAsASkintThing · 11/04/2019 16:01

Well it sounds like it he isn't moving things along.........I'd be telling her parents that their daughter is pressuring your son to perform sexual acts on her before she ends up pregnant or worse. Confused

rubyroot · 11/04/2019 16:01

You need to know who are parents are and let them know- I feel that you have an obligation to do this. That way you can make sure they're both protected.

But seriously, if he doesn't know how to finger her then he is clearly too young! I don't think necessarily that experimentation will lead on to penetrative sex, but I do think her parents should be told so that they aren't on their own together at her house. Saying that if they're that desperate they'll just find a quiet spot in the park.

mummmy2017 · 11/04/2019 16:02

You may find it easy to text him this, one evening when he is home.... I found my children talked more to me that way,as no face to face embarrassment... And they don't listen when we talk, but they will read a message...

adaline · 11/04/2019 16:02

It happens - it always has done and always will do! I was doing the same at a similar age, as were several of my friends. It might not be ideal but it's surprisingly common.

Make sure he knows to be safe, make sure he knows about condoms etc. Two thirteen year olds having a quick feel or grope isn't illegal.

SkintAsASkintThing · 11/04/2019 16:04

Ruby I agree, he sounds very young and a bit bewildered. Grin

WakeUpFromYourDreamAndScream · 11/04/2019 16:05

@mummmy2017 why would the DS end up as a registered sex offender when they are both 13 and the girl also would have touched the boy intimately also, does she end up on the sex offenders register?

What a load of shit and I suggest you check your facts before offering advice out

adaline · 11/04/2019 16:07

You need to understand that if you do anything with your girlfriend according to the police you will be the one breaking the law, it does not matter that she wanted you to do it, if her dad took her to the police . .. it is you that will find your being accused, not her , and could end up as a registered sex offender, which will follow you all your life..

This won't happen - the sex offenders register is for people who take advantage of/abuse young people - not to punish two curious thirteen year olds who have a consenting grope!

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