What's your stupidest injury that's stupidly painful?

[Mij]

Just stabbed myself in the boob with the end of he egg whisk. Bloody painful! Yelled so loudly even the cat looked concerned. What's your most trivial but wildly disproportionally painful injury?

Oh god stop stop I can't breathe. Thank you everyone, I thought I was a klutz but it turns out I'm a mere amateur. How are we even still alive, as a species I mean? This is just gold.

At 16 I had a mole removed, slap bang above where eyebrows meet. Thought that evening was the best time to move the little cube telly under the kitchen cabinets whilst underestimating the weight of telly. Head went forward and smacked straight into edge of over counter cabinet!

Leaving apartment which had three steps down to street, husband thought it funny to jump out to scare me at street level. Knee high block heal solid boots. One in front, one remains back. My arse landed on the latter. Black butt cheek which made me waddle for two weeks!

I speared myself with a bradawl behind my kneecap once.

I was kneeling down putting together a flat pack. I didn't realise I had knelt on the bradawl handle so it was sticking up at an angle. As I moved I scooched my other knee across and the spike went right in behind my kneecap.

I still go wobbly when I remember it.

Pre egg-whisk incident my last humiliatingly pathetic but painful injury was incurred falling down just one step. Had an egg-swelling and bruise on my arse that was so sore I had to balance on the other butt cheek when driving. DD2 kept track of the bruise's development with something approaching awe. In contrast I've fallen down the entire flight before and walked away with zero injuries.

@DrMadelineMaxwell I love the way you show up on every one of these threads to share that story it’s a corker!

Mine is one of these:

• taking the cover off a very sharp knife but leaving my thumb in the way. Sliced quite far down!
• washing my face and managing to stab the inside of my nose with a nail so hard it bled
• knocking myself out making a lower bunk
• blow drying my hair and managing to press the barrel of a metal hairbrush on my neck. The burn was massive and painful.

I promise I’m not generally clumsy!

And OMG with the MORE THAN ONE person getting shower implements entangled on piercings?!

And TWO stomachs ironed .

Had just finished changing the bed, went to walk away, tripped on the overhang of the quilt cover, face planted the wardrobe and heard a loud crack as I put my hand out to save my fall. Ended up with five tiny fractures and one large break all in the same finger (which was now in a 'V' shape). Ended up having surgery, a pin put in and a plaster cast up to my elbow for 6 weeks!!!! I look back now and laugh, but at the time it was very painful.

@RunSweatLaughAndLatte I didn't even include the time I fell down two flights of stairs, shattered my ankle and foot and snapped all my ligaments

I karate kicked the door frame in a attempt to lazily kick my (UGG style) boots off. It was like stubbing your toe, intentionally, at high speed. It took my breath away, and I hopped about gasping and swearing for ages.

My whole little toe had a blood blister on it and swelled up.

I also face planted at work in the car park, at slow walking speed. Ended up with holes in my trousers on both knees and blood pouring out of them and my palms and elbow. It was rather dramatic.

Diana it's my claim to fame...

Brushing my teeth vigorously and toothbrush slips out of mouth and jabs me hard in the nostril, I've done it several times, agony.

Drunken solution? Freeze. Literally tense every muscle from the waist down and wail quietly as I begin a slow descent back down the path like a sad, sad statue.

This was so unexpected, I just snorted very loudly on a packed train 🤣

Drunken broken toes, got them running away from someone (also drunk) chasing me (as a laugh), ran into a door frame.

Op - falling down stairs reminded me of the time I fell down a flight of hard stairs in Boots -reason? I was totally checking myself out in the fully mirrored wall in front of me! So humiliating And hurt like Hell but had to pretend it was all fine & hobble out to cry away from the concerned witnesses!

Fell out of bed and broke my fingers

I fell over my cat, landed on the hard wooden floor and knocked myself out, I opened my eyes to my cat glaring at me and my head was absolutely killing me

Bought a new hoover which had one of those removable bits you could use on stairs. Was gleefully hoovering the stairs and bent down to look at how much it was sucking up. Long hair got caught in the hoover brushes which wrenched the hoover out of my hand, wrapped up in my hair and smacked me full force in the face. Right on my brow bone. Saw stars. Apparently I screamed so loud my dh thought I'd fallen down the stairs.

Cut on head and black eye for weeks. At the time though I was more upset that I might have to cut my hair to get it out of the hoover. Luckily dh managed to untangle it whilst silently heaving with laughter.

Trying to pry frozen sausages apart with a sharp knife and stabbed my hand . A&e , scarring and a lose of sensation in my hand .

On holiday in France, on the way out to dinner, I was walking down a set of outside concrete steps while texting, missed the bottom step and twisted my foot as I landed awkwardly and heavily on it. Got that awful wave of nausea just before the pain hit that let's you know you've really fecked something up. Initially thought I'd broken my baby toe as that's where the pain was. Hobbled to dinner and had a few vodkas to numb the pain slightly. That night I could barely stand the top sheet resting on my foot as it was so painful.

Over the next few days it transpired my toe was fine but it was one of the tiny bones on top of my foot that was likely fractured. Didn't bother going to doctor or the hospital once home as DM, who is a nurse, said they wouldn't do anything for it anyway, just tell me to rest and ice it. Pain eventually went away after about 6 weeks .

I once put a tampax up just after I'd been chopping chillies.

Never. Again.

(Yes I had washed my hands in between but it wasn't enough)

Walking to student accommodation from union, there was a stretch where the pavement went up a small bank, but the road stayed straight, leaving a muddy slope between the two. Somehow (was drunk) I strayed off the pavement with one foot on the slope, which slid towards the road; making me spin 180 in the process. As the tarmac (no cars thankfully) loomed, I put out my hand to catch my fall.....or so it seemed to me then. What must have actually transpired is that I decided to hi-five / bitchslap the road with sufficient force to fracture a selection of hand bones and bruise the whole thing massively.

A few months ago, I was swimming whilst DS was at his swim lesson. There's only one lane open to adults, so I moved to the side slightly to accommodate the person coming the other way. In doing so, I kicked the rope divider thingy. Dislocated 2 toes, lacerated a load of skin from between my toes, which later turned into athletes foot; just to finish things off.

In a tweak to the OP, I also had a selection of could-have-been-much-worses; aka WTF were you thinking....
At uni, cutting frozen sausages with a chinese clever, ring finger of left hand just slipped under the blade as the meat gave way. Cleaver bounced off the bone. I still have the scar, but didn't stop me going out that night with just a band aid.
Living abroad, it was commonplace to need adapters to make electrical goods work. The 2 prongs of my stereo power lead were a little too splayed to fit in the adapter, so I squeezed them a touch....should really have taken adapter out of socket first, as (yes, you guessed it), they suddenly fit ok and made contact. The ensuing rush of energy up my arm hurt like few things I have known, but luckily forced my arm to wrench the plug out of the socket again.
Motorcycle idling whilst I put on gloves and helmet, I see it start to roll forward a touch, enough to overwhelm the side stand. Decide to 'catch' it's fall by sticking my right leg out to hold it upright. It only weighs about 6 times what I do, how could that be a bad idea......?
Opening a fresh baked croissant with a bread knife, when escaping steam makes me jump and knock the knife out of my hand. No problem, I'll just arrest it's fall by sandwiching it between the counter top and my torso by slamming myself into the counter at the precise moment. Again...what could go wrong? (Luckily that worked).

Was staying at a posh hotel and booked in for a massage. Whilst walking to the massage I hopped down a step, missed, and went over on my ankle. Thought I was just being a big baby, went for massage but asked her to get me some ice for it.

Lay there for half an hour before I had to stop because it was agony.

Got DH to take me to a&e. I'd snapped my ankle. Completely broken.

Ow, ow ow. And oh the irony of doing it on the way for a relaxing massage 🤦‍♀️

I once put a tampax up just after I'd been chopping chillies.

I always thought the chilli thing was just hyperbole / wussiness; until the day I was cutting bird's eye chillis. Slicing went ok. Washed hands. Sliced some dolce latte cheese. Stuffed cheese into steak. Saw small unused lump of cheese, so ate it.... Now, I love chilli...I eat raw jalepenos, I order my curry super-hot, I used to live in far east and know what Tom Yam is like when they mean it. But this lump of CHEESE burned my mouth something chronic...leaving just enough cognitive power to remember to wipe away tears with kitchen roll and not my fingers!!

Trying up a bag of garden rubbish in the days before recycling bins, I managed to slice the inside of my forearm with a Stanley knife. Fortunately ndn was a district nurse and managed to stick the sides together quickly. Still have a very visible 3" scar.

Karate chopped a lego house, had to have xrays.