Phrases that make you want to slap people in the face?

[notnearlythereyet]

Mine is ‘Riddle me this’. What’s yours?

Text speak. Abt, thru etc
Using bathroom to mean toilet. A bathroom has a bath in it!!

Oh yes and the word ‘piece’ to mean clothes. I do like this ‘piece’? Piece of what??

“My family always comes first.” From dude shagging around.

Reach out - you are not in the Four Tops so shuddup!

I’m a people person - only ever said by the terminally insincere and backstabbing

I speak my mind - no, you’re just rude and coarse with it.

Shop

Shop trousers
Shop t- shirts

No. It's buy. Or shop for. Or go shopping for.
Not just "shop"

Some 24 yo sharp-suited Grad with a 2:2 in Marketing must have come up with that one.

'Get a grip.'

Mostly because it has led to people saying nonsensical things like 'pass me a grip', or 'here, have a grip'...

A grip is not an object in this context! To get a grip means, metaphorically, to take a control of a situation, or of yourself. You cannot pass someone 'a grip', and everytime someone says 'here, have a grip,' I get a mental image of them passing a small, glittery hair clip.

Yesterday I listened to a colleague placating an angry client on the phone. She must have used 'at the end of the day' 100 times in 20 minutes! It was almost every sentence. The phrase didn't bother me much before but it really grates on me now!

Many of my teenage son's phrases really annoy me too - 'OOF!' every two seconds 'it's free real estate' and his attempts at L33T SP34K...

My brother saying the word "lol" instead of laughing.

Anything "o'clock" e.g "its gin o'clock"

Oh god, yes - Lol

DS1 does this purely to annoy me and now he has DS2 doing it as well!

I'm not racist but....I am.
To be fair....but I won't be.

"Does what it says on the tin" - no idea why and tbh it wouldn't make me want to slap sometime... grit my teeth maybe...

What ever happened to ‘to be’ ?

It decided not to be.

That's not the point.

Well, yes, it is the point actually! It's the point I just made.

'I'm just crazy me, you'll get used to me'. (No I fucking won't).

'I just say what everyone else is thinking and are too scared to say'. (No you fucking don't).

'I don't beat about the bush, I tell it how it is, I hope you don't hold it against me'. (Yes I fucking will).

"X spit out her dummy"
" X threw her toys out the pram"

Always said by older middle aged want to be cool types.

I agree with so many of these, especially the incorrect use of the reflexive pronoun. I received a call at work recently from an IT person who began "I was told that myself should speak to yourself".

Also ect instead of etc.

I've become used to "your" instead of "you're", but now creeping in is "you're" instead of "your" which seems more bizarre.

Give your head a wobble. I hate it, what does it actually mean?
My bad. Just no!
Ducks in a row.

Lobster what is it with ect instead of etc, my phone even autocorrected it so I had to actually make an effort to write it incorrectly. I'm no spelling expert but even I know it's incorrect!

Someone on Escape to the Country (yes I know) used one of my hated phrases the other day.

‘We are looking for something in what I like to call the M4 corridor’.

Roger, we all call it the M4 corridor for that is what it is called. And by the way, Sue, who is sitting next to you on the sofa and smiling, is dying inside.

Describing someone as a "fighter" when they have gone into remission from cancer.
As a cancer "surviver"...hate that too I see myself as extremely lucky and nothing to do with me being a fighter.

Also all the friggin hashtags which literally make me cringe.

"Moving forward..."
Also when people say "so" and "like" a hundred times in every sentence

If anyone calls you Hun you could call yourself Attila the Hun I suppose.

We are looking for something in what I like to call the M4 corridor

How very Miranda.

'Subjected to the male gaze'

When people start a sentence with "listen..." or "look..." It's so patronising and passive aggressive. It's almost like there's an unfinished sentence after like "listen...you idiot" "look ... fool" (Usually said by men too.)