Phrases that make you want to slap people in the face?

[notnearlythereyet]

Mine is ‘Riddle me this’. What’s yours?

"Are you me?"

"No, because then I'd be a fucking dickhead"

“Of a night.”

Dirty fries.

I'm a very spiritual person' - No, you are a dullard trying to sound deep Yes to this! When I was travelling I can’t tell you the amount of ‘Spiritual’ people I met while they were trying to find themselves 🙄 really they were all the most boring people travelling on the trust fund daddy set up.

Din dins, No Susan your 40 you have DINNER a 2 year old I’ll let off with din dins.

#LoveMyFamily, really I thought you hated your dh and all dc so I’m so glad you told me you love them.

Can I be totally honest, Yes go ahead Katie you’re a complete bitch so you will anyway

I was dealing with someone earlier in the week about stuff relating to my business and he kept saying “We don’t want to paint ourselves in to a corner” what does that even mean? Has anyone ever painted themselves in to a corner?

I (or even worse ‘we’) fell pregnant. What did you fall over & miraculously got impregnated .

I’m on my period. No, you are ‘having’ your period. Saying ‘on’ your period gives me a horrible visual image of sitting on top of a pile of sanitary pads (sorry if TMI).

Yes also to ‘cheeky’ or ‘dirty’ food.

"By close of play"

"Not being racist, but..."

Pink I think “We don’t want to paint ourselves in to a corner” means if you were painting a floor you want to paint yourself into the doorway.

"I'm not being funny but.."

‘Losing faith in humanity’.
Because someone does something shit, you lose faith in 6 billion people.

It is what it is.
I tell it like it is (means you’re an aggressive arsehole)
Wine o clock
Holibobs
Date night
Babymoon
Feeling blessed
Making memories
I turned around and said........

Getting annoyed just writing these

Most of the MN favourite phrases

Ducks in a row
This too shall pass
No is a full sentence

Etc etc

They make me cringe

Reach out and blue sky thinking. Makes my hand itch when colleagues say those.

Yep, all the above and 'Early doors'.

Argh!! Gives me the rage.

Living my best life
Yolo
Girl boss

Is there anyfucking need for such stupid hashtagging shite everywhere.
No helen your not living your best life, your trying to sell shit skin cream, and your so skint from buying stock that your eating cold beans from the tin...like a #girlboss

"I'm a good judge of character"

Errrm no, that's just your opinion about someone.

"Going forward" really grates on me.

And "at this moment in time". Just say now!!

She/He ' did it like a boss ' ( meaning they did it well ) most boss's imo don't do the job well !

Starting sentences with So

Literally ' I literally died laughing ' NO , YOU DID NOT .

Inserting the word 'even ' when it's not needed. What is she ' even ' saying .

"Anyone who thinks otherwise is insult" Almost immediately makes me want to think otherwise

The usual, Holibobs, NomNom or pissedoff.com!!! - Where did that even start?

One that i say, and makes me want to slap myself is "I turned around and said" i cant stop myself!

'At this moment in time' you mean 'now' don't you?

'Karma's a bitch' no, karma does not' exist, bad people get away with doing terrible stuff every day and waiting for a non-existent thing to catch up with them doesn't do it for me.

I'm not racist /sexist etc "insert phrase that is quite clearly racist/sexist etc". Some of my best friends are...
Yes you are!

WE are pregnant. No the woman is pregnant and will be giving birth

Nom nom. Fuck off

I'm no expert but.... I'm no doctor but...- no shit! Really, thanks for letting me know you're about to give me unqualified advice, never would have guessed!
I'm not being funny but... but you are being either weird or offensive
Bless - that's just annoyingly twee.
I tell it like it is - rude person alert!

Google is your friend

Fuck off it is..

Also I hate “no no”, as in “sticking a fork into a toaster is a no no”

It just sounds idiotic

The will of the people
Let me be clear

Anything Jacob Rees Mogg says

Pretty much every single thing everyone else has said, now I wonder if I maybe have a problem

“I turned around and said” for some reason fills me with rage.

“Friendly advice...” usually followed by something that’s anything but friendly.

Basically all business speak “blue sky thinking”, “moving forward”, “at the close of play” etc etc

“Not being funny but”, “I’m not racist but” etc etc basically 90% of sentences begin that way - as my DM always says “the but negates the first part of the sentence”

“I tell it like it is” & “I call a spade a spade” - nope you are just a dick with no filter.

And one I am myself guilty of at times “like” , am not anywhere near as bad as I was as a teenager for it but still slips out occasionally and I want to punch myself in the face... or should I say “like, I just want to punch myself in the face”