Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

'I love your hair!'

110 replies

FurrySlipperBoots · 08/03/2019 23:38

Is that an acceptable thing to tell a woman these days? You're not supposed to say it to a little girl are you? The internet is full of advice against saying 'I love your hair/What a pretty dress/Fab sparkly bracelet!' The thing is, I think the lady in question has a really flattering hairstyle and it's a gorgeous colour. Should I tell her I think so in the hope of giving her a happy-buzz, or not because I don't want her to feel judged on her appearance? I'm another woman if that makes a difference.

OP posts:
OpiesOldLady · 08/03/2019 23:43

Tell her!

I always compliment strangers if I see something about them that I particularly like - lipstick /hair colour/style. Usually along the lines of 'Please don't think I'm being rude, but I love that lipstick on you' or 'Can I just say, your hairstyle is gorgeous ' kinda thing. I've never had a negative response back.

G'wan, do it - you might make someone's day!

TripTrapTripTrapOverTheBridge · 08/03/2019 23:44

Go for it! I get comments like that about my hair from other staff, visitors and patients on a weekly basis. Its given me a real boost and made me look at myself differently. I've always known I'm recognisable from a mile away purely from my hair 😂 but I didn't actually realise people actually like the pain in the ass that it is it

MissClareRemembers · 08/03/2019 23:44

Go for it! I can’t see anything wrong with paying someone a genuine compliment? Surely that’s just being a thoroughly nice person?

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 08/03/2019 23:45

Well there is certainly nothing offence about compliments. However it does depend on the person really. I some people find them embarrassing and cringe worthy. Whereas others thrive and and feed off them.
Oh and like it or not. We're all judged by our appearance.

Bloggee · 08/03/2019 23:47

Oh tell her, it might make her day!

RagingWhoreBag · 08/03/2019 23:56

I think there’s a difference between a sincere compliment to a full grown woman and the type of thing that you’re worried about. ie the only thing anyone ever says to a little girl is how cute she looks, without asking anything about her interests or crediting her with any more interesting attributes than prettiness,

I’m also reluctant to talk about girls’ looks for the reasons above, but will often tell a woman she looks great, love your hair, love your style etc and it’s always well received, as it would be from me and I’m a staunch feminazi

As adult women, many of us are crying out for someone to tell us we’re pretty without wanting to get in our knickers!

PatriciaHolm · 08/03/2019 23:57

A total stranger and I had a gushing mutual compliment moment v recently on a Plane whee she complimented me on my (fabulous) cherry red chunky heeled doc martins and I complimented her on her amazing leather trousers. Both middle aged professional women perfectly capable of taking and giving a compliment.

mineofuselessinformation · 08/03/2019 23:59

Why wouldn't you?
About three years ago, a male colleague of mine had his hair cut from a ponytail to a short cut. He looked fabulous and I told him!
You're overthinking it.

HappyMama01 · 09/03/2019 00:02

All my life I've been told I have beautiful hair (natural colouring is a shade of a ginger)
It's always made me feel great! Go for it!

CakeNinja · 09/03/2019 00:24

I don’t like talking about people’s appearance because I don’t like my own being commented on - I hate attention being drawn to me!
However, I think I’m totally odd, ladies in my workplace compliment each other on all kinds of things and they seem happy enough!
Go for it. I wouldn’t be offended but I’d probably end up feeling more self conscious Grin

FissionChip5 · 09/03/2019 00:33

I’ve always hated when people have made comments about my appearance, my body isn’t for anyone to judge, it makes me feel awful.

For the reasons above I don’t think you should say anything.

BlueSkiesLies · 09/03/2019 01:21

I told my nephew I liked his new haircut last week. Hope I haven’t scared him for life.

ForalltheSaints · 09/03/2019 06:57

I think it depends on the person making a complement. As a man, I feel any comment I say can definitely be misconstrued.

Decormad38 · 09/03/2019 07:00

Im always doing it to complete strangers. If I see a hairstyle or a dress that I like or even just a comination of colours that someone is wearing. I have to say.

Birdsgottafly · 09/03/2019 07:08

It depends on where you are making the compliment.

In the Workplace, many Women don't want to be told that the thing you've noticed is how they look. They own a mirror.

If you're having a conversation around appearance, then it's fine.

I find compliments cringy. I had really good hair (pre Menopause), I never cared if anyone liked it. If you choose to tell me that you like something I'm wearing, other than wanting to buy it yourself, does that mean I usually look shit?

If you compliment one person and not others, do you think they look shit?

Some people wonder about motives.

starcruiser · 09/03/2019 07:38

Someone told me the other day I smelled amazing
Totally complimented and followed a wee chat about perfume
New chum made
Nothing to lose the worlds gone mad if you can't compliment someone

MissClareRemembers · 09/03/2019 08:03

If you are worried about offending her, you could always phrase it as: ‘’I’m looking for a new hairdresser. I really like your haircut, where do you go?’’

StarlightLady · 09/03/2019 08:16

Are you Mr Furryslipper or Ms Furryslipper and are there other related matters to this comment? It is not neccessarily wrong if the answer to the latter is yes. Perhaps not a goid idea if she’s a work colleague though.

Has she had a change iof style recently? If so a brief “nice haircut” may appear more relaxed.

AliceAforethought · 09/03/2019 08:17

Gosh, I must be well behind the times as I thought paying people compliments was a nice thing. I’d love to be complimented myself (never am ☹️), and never realised that so many others would dislike it.

Many years ago I was walking with a school mum friend to school and I told her effusively how wonderful her recently cut/coloured hair was, the colour, style, how it suited her, etc. It was genuinely felt and I thought she’d be pleased. She frowned and said “Oh. A woman at church said that too the other day.” The next time I saw her she’d cut it a bit more.
I see now that this reaction may be more common than I thought.

Overtheborder · 09/03/2019 08:24

I randomly compliment people all the time.

I always genuinely mean it too.

Last week I told a woman her hair was beautiful- it was! She had a gorgeous big thick fringe, she said oh thank you! I've just left the hairdresser, it won't look like this tomorrow!

And on my way into work yesterday I saw a woman wearing the most amazing pea green woollen coat. Its something my sister has been looking for, so as we met (walking in opposite directions) I smiled and made eye contact, as did she. And I said, excuse me, your coat is absolutely stunning and something like what my sister is looking for, did you get it locally?

She was delighted and made me feel how soft it was, told me the shop (a boutique in the town we work in!) and I was able to go at lunchtime and pay a deposit on one for my sister!

I always take compliments in the way they're given and I hope when I give them they're taken well too.

SomethingOnce · 09/03/2019 08:26

I’ve always hated when people have made comments about my appearance, my body isn’t for anyone to judge

Always make me want to tell people to fuck off, tbh. But I feel obliged to issue an awkward thank you.

For a while in our office there was a culture, mainly coming from two particular women, where the outfit comments were daily and really over the top. I dreaded arriving at work.

10IAR · 09/03/2019 08:28

Without thinking I told my doctor yesterday that her hair looked amazing (it really did) and then felt like a twat. Thankfully she was delighted and ended up giving me the name of a Facebook page for curly hair and how to get the best from it.

So aye, I think it's ok.

SomethingOnce · 09/03/2019 08:36

will often tell a woman she looks great, love your hair, love your style etc and it’s always well received, as it would be from me and I’m a staunch feminazi

That’s funny (not funny), because for me you’re continuing the appearance judgement that men have mostly stopped doing.

MrsJBaptiste · 09/03/2019 08:58

I get comments about my hair all the time and love it! Who doesn't like being complimented?

Ladygaggia · 09/03/2019 08:59

Crazy.
People make the effort to choose a look that they think represents them, or shows their features off well.
Why would complimenting them on something being done well be seen negatively?

As long as you compliment the thing people can change about themselves- hair, clothes, shoes and not the things they can't - body parts etc (unless they have spend time and money actively doing that) it's all good IMO

I think people should say nice things to each other more often, not less.