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Original poster

'I love your hair!'

110 replies

FurrySlipperBoots · 08/03/2019 23:38

Is that an acceptable thing to tell a woman these days? You're not supposed to say it to a little girl are you? The internet is full of advice against saying 'I love your hair/What a pretty dress/Fab sparkly bracelet!' The thing is, I think the lady in question has a really flattering hairstyle and it's a gorgeous colour. Should I tell her I think so in the hope of giving her a happy-buzz, or not because I don't want her to feel judged on her appearance? I'm another woman if that makes a difference.

OP posts:
DisplayPurposesOnly · 09/03/2019 09:04

It's a strange and sad world where paying a genuine compliment is judgemental FFS.

OddCat · 09/03/2019 09:11

DisplayPurposesOnly I agree, opening your mouth to say anything to anyone is a minefield these days, and having to think twice about saying something nice to someone is very sad . How
can telling someone that they look or smell lovely be taken the wrong way?

I always compliment people and I will continue to do so.

SomethingOnce · 09/03/2019 09:17

How do those of us who don’t like it opt out, without being made to feel like miserable killjoys?

Seaseasea · 09/03/2019 09:24

somethingonce maybe you could wear a bag over your head? Make sure it’s a plain one though and not too fresh looking or they might compliment that too.

SomethingOnce · 09/03/2019 09:27

Are you that pleasant irl, Sea?

DisplayPurposesOnly · 09/03/2019 09:31

How do those of us who don’t like it opt out, without being made to feel like miserable killjoys?

Giving compliments isn't compulsory. If receiving a genuine compliment makes you uncomfortable, "Thank you" is perfectly adequate.

BTW I'm not suggesting that all compliments are genuine.

CutesyUserName · 09/03/2019 09:31

I would, and I do, and am also happy to receive (genuine) compliments in return.

Seaseasea · 09/03/2019 09:32

It’s nice to be nice, we would have a very miserable society if no one can say something nice to each other for fear of offending someone who doesn’t like people talking to them.
It doesn’t take much to just say ‘thanks’ or just smile and continue with your day

Vinorosso74 · 09/03/2019 09:36

I think compliments are a positive thing as long as it's not along the lines of "You have great tits" so not about body parts but haircuts, clothing, accessories etc

DuchessOfPhysics · 09/03/2019 09:40

I do compliment people on their dress sense or hair sometimes but I'd be conscious of the environment. It could undermine them if it were done at the wrong moment. But chances are, if you're hesitating over it, you're not going to do it as she walks in to a meeting. Queueing for coffee, fine! say it! (imo)

HarrySnotter · 09/03/2019 09:51

Gosh, I must be well behind the times as I thought paying people compliments was a nice thing.

Likewise @AliceAforethought. I just complimented the girl who served me in a shop on her (very beautiful) tattoo about half an hour ago. She appeared to take it very well and told me all about it. Now I'm thinking I would be best to avoid all human contact, stare at the ground and not communicate with any other being for fear of doing the wrong thing. For whatever you do/say, it will be wrong in someone's eyes.

HarrySnotter · 09/03/2019 09:53

we would have a very miserable society if no one can say something nice to each other

We certainly seem to be getting that way @Seaseasea.

FissionChip5 · 09/03/2019 09:53

It doesn’t take much to just say ‘thanks’ or just smile and continue with your day

It takes even less effort to just keep your mouth shut and not make comments about other peoples appearance.

GregoryPeckingDuck · 09/03/2019 09:54

No harm in giving a compliment. Just don’t touch.

zunshine · 09/03/2019 10:04

A few weeks ago a complete stranger asked to touch my hair, that was a bit odd but I don't see the harm in complimenting someone. Maybe if someone's constantly being complimented on their appearance rather than their personality it may have a negative effect but a compliment like "i love your hair" could really make someone's day, especially as you genuinely mean it. Don't put too much thought into it just tell her if you want to

Bluntness100 · 09/03/2019 10:09

Giving and receiving compliments is lovely. Don't over think it op, it's very sad that you feel the need to.

thebabessavedme · 09/03/2019 10:42

yesterday i asked the lady on the till in sainsburys where her lovely nail colour was from, she then asked where i got my boots as she liked them, just chit chat, no judgement! we then had a very quick discussion on the best way to keep bleached hair nice and bright, a couple of tips passed on, no biggie!

Ohyesiam · 09/03/2019 10:51

I generally don’t like to get comments on my appearance, it can feel a bit invasive( I realise this sounds a bit “ neurotic “ but there’s a lot of background here).
But hair seems more neutral somehow, so someone saying “ wow you have long legs” will make me freeze up, but “ I love your hair” is ok, or even nice on a good day!

Nacreous · 09/03/2019 10:54

The thing is, as a general rule we do care how we look. Or we would all have the easiest possible haircuts and wear the same identical thing that's the most practical outfit possible on a daily basis. As that would take the least time, the least washing, the least shopping and the least brainspace.

Given that most people don't do that, I tend to assume people enjoy the small daily creative outlet of putting together an outfit, and like it when someone else thinks they've done something stylish.

Ohyesiam · 09/03/2019 10:56

And i echo what a pp said. for me body parts are a no go, but compliments about things people choose or ways that people style themselves saying” I like your taste”. Totally different from “ I approve of the genes you’ve inherited”Grin
Hair has a foot on both camps, but it’s a lot about styling, so for me feels ok.

Original poster
FurrySlipperBoots · 09/03/2019 11:12

Eeek, a very mixed bag of responses here! As a shy person it's a bit scary giving compliments in the flesh because I don't want the automatic response to be a quick, insincere compliment back to me on the first thing they think of. Like in Friends when Monica thinks the maid has stolen her jeans, she tries to trip her up with a 'Nice jeans!' and gets an immediate response of 'Thanks, I love your top!'

OP posts:
SomethingOnce · 09/03/2019 11:14

Or we would all have the easiest possible haircuts Check.

and wear the same identical thing that's the most practical outfit possible on a daily basis. Almost.

As that would take the least time, the least washing, the least shopping and the least brainspace. That’s about it, as it happens.

Given that most people don't do that, I tend to assume Hmm

McNeat · 09/03/2019 11:16

I get comments on my hair and LOVE IT! Grin I don't think my worth is what's on my head tho. It's what's between my ears that makes me me IYSWIM? I often tell men and women if something really suits them etc. I told a receptionist at the hospital the other day that her make up looked amazing. Hope I didn't upset her!

FissionChip5 · 09/03/2019 11:19

The thing is, as a general rule we do care how we look

Probably because people insist on making comments about others appearance.

Roomba · 09/03/2019 11:20

I say tell her too. I am pretty introverted but have on occasion stopped people (men and women) to say I loved their shirt/coat/dress/hair - usually asking where they bought it/got their hair done as a sort of excuse for stopping them. They've always without fail gone off with a big smile on their face, so they certainly didn't seem offended. One woman told me I'd made her day and cheered her right up.