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'I love your hair!'

110 replies

FurrySlipperBoots · 08/03/2019 23:38

Is that an acceptable thing to tell a woman these days? You're not supposed to say it to a little girl are you? The internet is full of advice against saying 'I love your hair/What a pretty dress/Fab sparkly bracelet!' The thing is, I think the lady in question has a really flattering hairstyle and it's a gorgeous colour. Should I tell her I think so in the hope of giving her a happy-buzz, or not because I don't want her to feel judged on her appearance? I'm another woman if that makes a difference.

OP posts:
dudsville · 09/03/2019 11:20

I used to tell people, mostly women but men as well, whenever it was public, like in a big shared office, someone always comments that it sounds like I'm flirting. Literally all I'd say is "ooh, is that new, you look great!" I don't get it.

SomethingOnce · 09/03/2019 11:23

I used to tell people, mostly women but men as well, whenever it was public, like in a big shared office

You sound like my nightmare colleagues. Overbearing AF.

Gentlemanwiththistledownhair · 09/03/2019 11:35

somethingonce Seriously?! She sounds lovely! How on earth is a compliment overbearing?!

FissionChip5 · 09/03/2019 11:37

They've always without fail gone off with a big smile on their face, so they certainly didn't seem offended

I smile out of politeness but inside I’m thinking ‘go fuck yourself’.

SomethingOnce · 09/03/2019 11:39

Because not everyone enjoys personal remarks, even ‘lovely’ ones, and doing it in front of an open plan office is even worse.

Don’t worry, I get that complimenters don’t much care that some of us don’t like it.

Seaseasea · 09/03/2019 11:39

Misery loves company I suppose. This thread made me a bit sad. I hope when my kids grow up this attitude hasn’t spread and they have to walk around staring at the floor not making eye contact with anyone in case the person is offended ❄️

SomethingOnce · 09/03/2019 11:41

Looks like it’s just us, Fission.

FissionChip5 · 09/03/2019 11:42

have to walk around staring at the floor not making eye contact with anyone in case the person is offended

Not commenting on another’s appearance = having to stare at the floor? Hmm

SomethingOnce · 09/03/2019 11:43

Misery loves company I suppose

That’s nice.

FissionChip5 · 09/03/2019 11:44

Seems so SomethingOnce .

SadSackStruggling · 09/03/2019 11:48

I always compliment people.
As long as it's genuine I really don't see the problem

FissionChip5 · 09/03/2019 11:49

I don’t understand why people would continue to comment on others appearance without invite when they know that some may not welcome it. What does it cost you to keep quiet? Why is commenting so important to you?

HarrySnotter · 09/03/2019 11:50

have to walk around staring at the floor not making eye contact with anyone in case the person is offended

Not commenting on another’s appearance = having to stare at the floor?

Sorry @FissionChip5, I was being facetious. Perhaps I should have clarified in more detail.

SofaSurfer20 · 09/03/2019 11:52

Stop overthinking and tell her

Bluntness100 · 09/03/2019 11:52

But the vast vast majority of people do like it, it makes them feel good about themselves. I get you have issues but I don't think it means no one should ever compliment anyone ever because of it.

Seaseasea · 09/03/2019 12:03

If saying ‘I like your hair’ would upset you so much, clearly it’s you that has a problem not the person, most normal people have no issue.
I wouldn’t stop saying nice things to people just because some people are over-sensitive.
Saying ‘What’s the time?’ might make you burst into tears too, if I need the time I’d still ask someone.
How depressing.

flingingmelon · 09/03/2019 12:22

I worry that we are getting to a place where you feel you can't compliment someone for fear you are objectifying them.

I went on a course recently and was told that I shouldn't offer help or advice if someone told me their problem for fear that I was 'minimising their experience'.

Literally - 'I have a terrible head ache.'
'Would you like a paracetamol?' = bad.
'I had a head ache once, it's hard isn't it?' = good.

I'm looking forward to this trend to die soon so we can all go back to being practical and complimentary Wink

Bluntness100 · 09/03/2019 12:33

What would concern me, is that people who do have issues and can't tolerate a compliment, give one, or hear someone else getting one, would then never compliment their child.

I compliment my daughter on her ability, her achievements, her personality traits like kindness or how clever she is etc, and also her appearance, because I wanted her to grow up confident about her self. To be able to give and receive compliments, and to do so with grace.

There was a thread on here awhile ago about this subject and some people posted their parents had never ever complimented their appearance and it made them grow up thinking something was wrong with them. That they were in some way "ugly" so the parent could only focus on other things.

It's very sad when you think about it. Appearance will never be unimportant to us as humans, god even in many tribes it's important with hair and elaborate body make up, it's what generally attracts us to a mate, what helps us be presentable in work settings, what gives ur impressions of people. and no one but no one wishes to grow up thinking they are so ugly they are not worthy of compliment, not even from their own parents.

thebabessavedme · 09/03/2019 12:36

is paying a compliment not just part and parcel of human interaction?

Cherrysoup · 09/03/2019 12:40

Wtaf? You’re not supposed to compliment people anymore? I’m forever telling the students that they look smart/like their new haircut/shoes. Why wouldn’t I? I also tell colleagues if I like their outfit/hair. What is the world coming to that you aren’t supposed to compliment others? Obviously not in a creepy leering manner, but come on!

Savoury99 · 09/03/2019 12:52

We can't stop complimenting people just in case they are in that small percentage of people who hate it. Complimenting most people makes them feel happy. There are so many bad things happening in peoples lives then this is a good thing.

MarvinMarvinson · 09/03/2019 13:22

Thing is, if you aren't bothered about appearance and just have very practical hair and clothes you are unlikely to get noticed enough to get complimented on your appearance. And I say that as someone who makes no effort with her appearance and therefore very rarely gets complimented. Which is all fine. So actually, I think it is safe to assume that someone who is clearly well groomed/well dressed cares enough about their appearance to enjoy being complimented on it.

What I particularly appreciate is non-appearance related compliments. They're very rare but so nice. Like being told you're a good mum or a good friend or whatever.

SomethingOnce · 09/03/2019 13:26

What would concern me, is that people who do have issues and can't tolerate a compliment, give one, or hear someone else getting one, would then never compliment their child.

Does that come with a concerned head tilt?

Most people are, by definition, in a close relationship with their DC. Hardly comparable to being subjected to the unwelcome commentary of an overbearing colleague.

WhoKnewBeefStew · 09/03/2019 13:28

Tell her...

Bluntness100 · 09/03/2019 13:29

Yup, and a tinkly laugh,

Telling someone you like their new hair cut does not make them over bearing.

You must know you have problems. And that this isn't normal. So why are you on line trying to make out your reaction is normal.

What is it that worries you about your appearance that means you can't bear someone to comment, to hear others being complimented, or wish to compliment others in fear they may comment on your appearance?