Fab friend, lacks manners? What do you think?

[MidwifeyForLifey]

I've recently made a really nice friend. We have a DC the same age.

We get on but I'm very confused by her. She is always very helpful, a great listener etc etc, but seems to lack general manners?

For example, last week she was visiting and I offered a cup of tea. She said "Oh no". I said something along the lines of "Are you sure? I've boiled the kettle. I'll be having one. It'll be no trouble at all". Her reply was "I've said no thanks ". She looked like I was the one who was acting off!

Then again, I was going through a few things I love about my DC newly decorated nursery. I was asked what the box was in the corner and explained it was just a few bits I forgot to take back from buying at the Sale. She said "I'll have them. What's your price?".

We went shopping together too recently, and I was just having general chit chat with the till lady. General small talk, etc etc. We left the shop. Friend proceeded to ask me if I knew her. I said no. When pushed further, friend said she thought I might know her since I was very chatty with her.

Out for lunch, she didn't like the toppings of her meal. She said they weren't as described on the menu. She immediately called a waiter over and said something like "This does not taste right. I will change it if I can, for something else". I thought this was very direct!

I've also had lunch at her house and she's somehow seen a facial expression to suggest I didn't like something. She said "You don't like it. I will change it now. Give it here". I was mortified and insisted I did like it. She said I was not being truthful and to just let her change it

Again, she is very lovely, funny and helpful. A truly good friend. But for some reason she seems very odd in the manners department. What do you think?

Then again, I was going through a few things I love about my DC newly decorated nursery. I was asked what the box was in the corner and explained it was just a few bits I forgot to take back from buying at the Sale. She said "I'll have them. What's your price?"

I fail to see what's wrong with this scenario tbh. You were going to return them anyway, you said.

I find it fairly amusing and also slightly sad that we feel the need to offer an excuse for people being direct- either they must be from another country or have a diagnosable medical condition. I'm sure people used to be allowed to have personalities.

My husband is German. This is cultural.

I like it. Breathe of fresh air! She sounds lovely

She isn't originally British, no. She is German but has lived here 5 years

I have a friend who is originally from Germany. She's lived here for years. She is a lot like your friend, direct doesn't hold with social niceties for their own sake and will tell you exactly what she thinks. She's absolutely lovely. Just try to accept your friend for who she is, nothing you've described is awful you'll soon get used to her little quirks and she'll get used to yours.

Also married to a German and it sounds very familiar! It took a little while to get used to, but now I value the directness.

I live in Germany and guessed before you said that she is German. Totally normal Deutsch directness. Takes a little getting used to but you will always be able to rely on her for an honest opinion.

I guessed German too. She sounds like my friend. Much better than all this falsely-falsey-BS!!

I have aspergers and I can only dream of having a friend like you describe. Being direct and straightforward is what I value most. She sounds like a nice friend and German people are very direct.

She sounds GREAT!

Ah, she's German. Not all are like that, but nor is it unusual - I must say I don't find it charming or a breath of fresh air, but you do get used to it.

I had a 'friend' like this. She isn't German.
I thought she was amazing for the first couple of years- direct and a breath of fresh air.
Then I noticed that she was just self serving and rude. I also noticed that over time she started to put me down.

You have different backgrounds.its a good thing.

I don't see the problem.

Ha! I was going to ask about her being German too! I worked with some people from Germany and they sounded really rude at first - it took a little while for me to realise they really weren't. TBH I think I prefer the more direct approach that way there's no misunderstandings. Also over the years I've become pretty direct myself! I once told my very nice boss that I was really tired and please could he just tell me directly what it was he wanted me to do! 🤭

She isn't rude. She is just direct. It wouldn't bother me TBH.

She just opens the door and walks off, continuing what she was doing before answering blush I feel like she's annoyed.. Then she breaks into conversation about what's going on or says what she's got going on like you'd been there and already had pleasant hellos and how are you.

I would absolutely love this! I'd take it as her being comfortable enough with me for me to make myself at home and that she doesn't see me as a guest she has to tend to!

This sort of demeanour is pretty common in a lot of European.countries. She sounds a bit like a friend of mine originally from m France and one from Germany.

In fact a lot of my Northern Italian friends/ family are more direct than English people. On the one hand they are more likely to do the food dance (offer/ refuse to be polite/ offer again repeat until.said food is accepted) . In fact they do it mush more than.the English but on in other ways they are much more direct and offer regular isolicited opinions ' for your own good:

She isn't originally British, no. She is German but has lived here 5 years

I knew she was German! My first thought was that. I lived in Germany for a bit and this is the norm, it comes across rude to us Brits but it really isn't. A lot of it is probably due to language barrier and not finding the right words the rest is just cultural

I guessed German. My grandmother is German, it's normal. I like it!

Op, describing offering tea in your initial post, I had visions of Mrs Doyle in Father Ted - 'Will you have a cup of tea - oh, go on, go on, go on.' Sorry, completely off the point though!

I prefer this in people. She sounds great.

Sounds great. I can't stand the ceremony of niceties and manners. British and otherwise lovely Dh never says "no thanks" after asking if he wants something, it's always "i'm alright, not right now" etc which i then have to decipher! And he always asks more than once if I'm "sure" after declining something. As if I don't know my own mind and didn't mean it the first time. Drives me bananas! But I'm Aussie, which I've learned means I'm much more direct. He probably cringes every time i give an honest answer 😬

She sounds lovely . Direct and honest . If you get used to her , you will have a friend for life .

None of this is rude, she says what she means but not in a nasty way.
I can’t see anything to take offence at in the list you’ve given.