Ds very overweight.. Fact! Kick up MY arse needed

[Feellikeashitmum]

Ok so Ds 11 has had his results from the weight programme at school. He's very overweight.. I know he is. He carries it round his middle mostly and it seems like it's piled on the last 6 months or more.
No need to flame me, I feel completely shit and have had a cry (useless I know)
I do have another Ds 6 who's a normal weight just for full disclosure.
I know what I need to do and I will do it but just need to tell someone how utterly shit I feel.. also I'm going to write what he eats and see if anyone has any ideas.
Breakfast 2 weetabix and milk to cover then 2 slices 50/50 toast and butter (toast not daily but around 4 days a week)

Lunch 2 slices 50/50 sandwich with homemade tuna mayo, cheese spread or corned beef. Pack crisps and yog tube plus a pot of apricots/satsuma/ blueberries

Snack Pack raisins/oaty biscuit or a bag of mini biscuits or half bag snack a jacks

Dinner Cottage pie, spag bol, fish nuggets (fresh ones but shop bought) all homemade with pasta mash pots and frozen begs or beans.

His portions are too big I'm sure and I can see what I can cut out etc but I don't want him to know exactly what's going on though I may say that his weight results came back and he's a little heavier than is healthy so we need to make some changes (is that a bad idea?)

Exercise wise he does 1 hour Monday after school.. 2 hours Fri after school plus weekends are busy and active being outside a lot also impromptu exercise after school like playing footie for an hours with friends or similar.
Thanks for reading my ramblings...
I know what I need to do but getting some support/ideas would be good too

Wow.. so many replies
For whoever asked about us (parents) my husband is a bit overweight and I'm probably carrying half a stone more than I should (lost 4 stone on SS) and my younger Ds is like a bloody whippet

My DS put on some more weight last year in Y5-6, but then his feet grew 3-4 sizes in a very short space of time and he grew even taller, and slimmed down a bit.
Just instil the best habits you can and try not to worry.

Regardless of it being puberty or not I'm going to make changes as it won't be anything to harm him only improve his diet. I think as a family we'll cut out the crap and eat better. No harm in that
Plus up our exercise.. I wish we lived further from school as that would be a good way to to add more steps but we literally live 3 mins away.. we could always walk a longer route I guess

I think that RiverTam is right about being wary of taking dietary advice which might be right for adults but not for children. I could tell you that cutting out bread and cereal has helped me lose weight (it has done) but I have NO IDEA if that would be sound advice for a growing child. I think I might actually need to consult a nutritionist about it if I was planning to make big changes to my kids' diet as I don't feel I have enough understanding about it (other than the obvious things like binning processed sugar as much as possible). I can say with certainty that for me carby breakfasts seem to set my hunger off, whereas eggy/fish/protein breakfasts genuinely don't do that and keep me full until lunchtime without wanting a snack. I don't know why that is though and would be nervous recommending that even.

I don't think you should feel bad at all. The diet your son is on looks fine/normal to me. My DD is 13 and eats pretty much the same as your son (and was eating the same aged 10). She's a skinny beanpole. Walks a lot, but is not sporty at all. I think what another poster says about listening to that programme on genetics is interesting. My daughter sounds like she's less active than your son if anything, eats the same and yet no weight issue. It doesn't make sense to me otherwise.

Sorry, I'm no help! lol. But you should definitely not feel bad.

He is eating too much bread. Just 2 slices a day is enough. I'd let him have 3 weetabix and a banana or slice of melon. Rest sounds okay. Remember his stomach is the same size as his fist. So make smaller portions. Tell him to help him self to yoghurt and the fruit bowl if he's still hungry. He needs to do some exercise at least 5 times a week, once a week is not enough. Could he go for a jog with you in the evening? Don't be upset. The fact you're helping him lose weight shows what a great mum you are.

I think that RiverTam is right about being wary of taking dietary advice which might be right for adults but not for children.

This is a fair point, although 5+ portions of fruit and veg and limiting sugar is important for children as well as adults.

I was overweight at 11 and continued to get bigger until I was about 16. Looking back I can see that although my mum would’ve said I had the same diet as your DS I was sneaking extra food.
I would take biscuits or handfuls of breakfast cereal when no one was looking and at special events like birthdays, holidays etc I would take the opportunity to eat loads when it was ‘allowed’ to overeat bad foods. Trouble was I would put on a couple of pounds here and there and over the course of a year this would add up.
Your DS already knows he’s overweight at 11 so you might as well be honest with him. He will see through any pretence to be healthier.

Do you have a junior parkrun near you?
A great way to do a bit more exercise for free every week.

If I were you OP I would quietly track how much he eats over a week. Id use MyFitnessPal. It will be a a hassle for you but it's the only way to work out where the problem extra calories are coming from. It's impossible to know whether his diet is ok or not just by describing it. You need to know the quantities and the calories.

If he is overweight then you need to reduce his calorific I take and up his exercise if possible. I don't think you can do that by guessing his portions. Telling us he has home made Shepard's pie is pointless. You could be using loads of butter in the mash and using high fat mince or you might be using very little fat. 🤷🏼‍♀️

When I need to lose weight I weigh and log everything for a week or so to make sure I'm on the right track. It always amazes me how the little teeny extras cost so much calorie wise 😭. Hopefully as a young and active child you son will be able to stop putting on extra weight with some small changes to his diet.

I think it's good you are trying to deal with his weight now while you can still 'quietly' control what he eats. I think it's a good idea to think very long term. It doesn't matter if he takes months to lose his podginess as long as he does.

Personally I would talk to him about his weight. I'd play it down and would focus on the healthy eating side of things. I think he is old enough to understand.

Drop the toast and the crisps, add salad to the sandwich. Extra exercise each day, and watch the portion control in the evening. be patient, takes time

Healthy snacks-
Packet of rice cakes
Seedy oat cakes- you fav get these in little crisp like bags
Tub of peanut butter with some bread sticks
Half a bag of sugar snaps or mange tout
Banana but buy one of those banana cases

I would switch to full fat Greek yogurt. Really look at how much pasta and mash he is having and slowly decrease that and increase the veg if he needs big portions. I was shocked when I discovered how much sugar and calories are in dried apricot! Can you keep an accurate record of every single snack, add them (and the correct amount) onto my fitness pal. Weigh his usual portion of stuff like pasta. I do this from time to time to just get an idea of how many calories, fat and sugar I’m eating. Sugar is my thing that sneaks up on me

If you want to make the food change obvious but don't want to refer to his weight
Maybe 'blame' a recent toothache that you've had and dentist said too much sugary things being eaten. That's a good excuse to cut our sugary snacks and increase fresh veg etc

Tub of peanut butter with some bread sticks

😱😱. Peanut butter is yummy and got lots of good stuff in it but it's got a zillion calories in it! I think it's around 600 calories in 100g with a high fat content. I'd suggest carefully portioning it out or avoiding it completely if I were looking to lose weight.

Regardless of it being puberty or not I'm going to make changes as it won't be anything to harm him only improve his diet. I think as a family we'll cut out the crap and eat better. No harm in that
Plus up our exercise.. I wish we lived further from school as that would be a good way to to add more steps but we literally live 3 mins away.. we could always walk a longer route I guess

This is the best thing to do, you're being very sensible given that some of the "advise" being offered isn't suitable for a growing child

I'd say if your strategy doesn't work, speak to your GP about a potential dietician referral, but it sounds like you have a pretty good handle on things 👍

Following with interest , a slightly different scenario as my 10 year old has a medical condition that makes him gain weight/struggle to lose weight, but still interested to see what other children eat

Too much starchy carbs maybe? Possibly more fresh fruit needed? Good luck with the new "regime".

I agree, the best thing is not to make too much of an issue of it. I was a poster who said that it could be puberty changes and I think your approach of healthier for everyone is a good one. Small changes where you can, it's initially about maintaining the weight he is currently while his body grows rather than losing weight. I'd also clarify that that doesn't apply if he's currently 15 stone!

Weight is a funny thing too, My two DSs are now adult, they look similar build and wear the same size clothes, one is an inch taller than the other. The shorter one weighs a stone more than his brother - no idea where he keeps that weight. Both are in the lower end of normal BMI so it's not like they are both overweight where it would be less obvious either.

@daisygoodwillflett I could have written your post word for word, right down to the trousers from Sturdy Kids. My DS also took a massive stretch, now 13 towers over me and is a healthy regular weight. Eats like he won't ever see food again and burns the lots off biking and out and about. There's plenty of us out there OP with bigger built kids

Watch out for low fat yoghurts. They tend to have more sugar in them. Personally I go for plain low fat Arla skyr or a decent full fat plain yoghurt with fresh, baked or stewed fruit.

Growth spurt due soon I reckon. Both mine piled it on around the same age, then grew 6 inches and stretched out.

First and foremost he needs more exercise. Three hours a week plus whatever happens on weekends isn’t enough.
Food wise ditch the low fat dairy. It doesn’t make much of a difference to calorie intake but is less nutritious and less filling. Low fat yoghurts in particular tends to be bad in that many manufacturers over do the sugar to make up for the bad taste. If he has to have flavoured yoghurt either but little yeos (not the regular two valley yoghurt as that’s very sugary) or mix puréed fruit into the yoghurt.

Be mindful of carbs. Better to fill the space with fruit/veg or protein.

When buying meat make sure that it is good quality lean meat.

Lastly, you really need to improve his palette. By catering to his fusiness you aren’t doing him any favours (health wise or socially). Give him foods he doesn’t like. If he is actually hungry he’ll eat it. If he’s not particularly hungry then it’s just as well that he doesn’t eat. Setting a good example yourself would be a great place to start.

Ds(14) weight creeped up to just overweight a couple of years ago. He knew himself he was getting heavier.

We had a chat about healthy eating and he started drinking mostly water, reduced treat sizes/apple between meals, increased veg, reduced carbs, upped protien and we did a few healthy swaps (Porridge and banana filled him up all morning instead of cereal and snack). He understood most of it from school. Most veg is now tolerated and some even liked, we make sure we get fish meals when we can, and, for example he's meeting friends in mcds tonight before going to footie match, but has asked for his dinner first. He moves more and goes to a trainer at the gym.

It took the best part of a year, we didn't want a quick dramatic change, of eating better consistently and not over indulging too often, but he is now smack bang in the middle of healthy weight and most of the changes have been driven by him. Clothes fit better and he feels much better.

You could ask on local Facebook selling groups or Freegle if anyone's getting rid of a trampoline in your vicinity? Check ebay locally every week?
It's approaching the right time of year for people to be redoing their gardens, moving house or simply getting rid as kids have outgrown or they want a bigger model etc.

You can also search for trampoline deals on Hot UK Deals. Once the big stores' outdoor play deals get going there should be some competitive prices. They usually try to out compete each other. Does he have a birthday coming up? Would any family members chip in?

Busy reading all the posts and writing a list so I have ideas.
He's not very fussy with food per se just he likes more plain food, I made a curry (from scratch) and he ate it but would much prefer a chicken breast, pots and veg.
Tonight's tea was heavy on the veg and he ate most of it.. I've never made then finish their food. Just eat til they're full
I did however notice that he was going to finish his brothers plate, just a bit of potato and few sweetcorn but I asked if he was hungry still and he said no not really.. So that's something for me to watch