Ds very overweight.. Fact! Kick up MY arse needed

[Feellikeashitmum]

Ok so Ds 11 has had his results from the weight programme at school. He's very overweight.. I know he is. He carries it round his middle mostly and it seems like it's piled on the last 6 months or more.
No need to flame me, I feel completely shit and have had a cry (useless I know)
I do have another Ds 6 who's a normal weight just for full disclosure.
I know what I need to do and I will do it but just need to tell someone how utterly shit I feel.. also I'm going to write what he eats and see if anyone has any ideas.
Breakfast 2 weetabix and milk to cover then 2 slices 50/50 toast and butter (toast not daily but around 4 days a week)

Lunch 2 slices 50/50 sandwich with homemade tuna mayo, cheese spread or corned beef. Pack crisps and yog tube plus a pot of apricots/satsuma/ blueberries

Snack Pack raisins/oaty biscuit or a bag of mini biscuits or half bag snack a jacks

Dinner Cottage pie, spag bol, fish nuggets (fresh ones but shop bought) all homemade with pasta mash pots and frozen begs or beans.

His portions are too big I'm sure and I can see what I can cut out etc but I don't want him to know exactly what's going on though I may say that his weight results came back and he's a little heavier than is healthy so we need to make some changes (is that a bad idea?)

Exercise wise he does 1 hour Monday after school.. 2 hours Fri after school plus weekends are busy and active being outside a lot also impromptu exercise after school like playing footie for an hours with friends or similar.
Thanks for reading my ramblings...
I know what I need to do but getting some support/ideas would be good too

Argh, why will it not change my username?? Every time I post it goes back to the joke one 😫

Breakfast is too carby. My kids have 2 weetabix with milk and a sliced banana on top and they have one scrambled egg each after that.

Is he due a growth spurt?

Is he just a little round in the abdomen or is he carrying noticeably excess fat?

I know my ds (who is admittedly only five not a preteen) is very slim normally (can see bones in his back, hip bones, all his ribs etc not for lack of eating mind you!) will get a little pot belly and double chin then shoot up an inch or so and be back to his typical bean pole like state.

My ds was similar at that age. He’s 13 now and normal weight.

I spoke to him about it. Not in terms of fat but more in terms of health and weight. I did tell him that being unhealthy would make him an unhealthy weight.
This is what we did

Cut right down on bread so he never had more than two slices a day.
Cut out things like croissants and processed baked goods.
He still did have cake now and then but it was homemade (by him mostly)

Up the fruit and veg so I would cut up fruit for snacks.

He had 4 ‘meals’ a day so breakfast, lunch, after school and dinner.

Breakfast was usually porridge or weetabix and fruit if he was still hungry. Banana or apple.

Lunch was packed lunch of wholemeal bread sandwich plus veg sticks and fruit plus yoghurt or cheese depending on sandwich plus a small kit kat or something similar.

After school would often be one of the following
soup,
crackers with cheese and veg sticks,
veg or fruit pancakes,
Frittata/omelette

Then a normal homemade dinner. Fruit if still hungry.

He still pretty much eats like that but only has tea for breakfast now and has something more substantial at morning break.

I always say that DS goes out before he goes up, meaning he gets a belly then has a growth spurt. Have his feet got bigger recently too?

I would try to up the exercise as the food sounds reasonable unless he's very short for his age. Smaller plates disguise that you are shrinking the portions a little.

The meals don't sound bad. Maybe it's the snacking. I know that's my downfall!

He's very portly and has love handles bit no double chin and legs seem ok. He's not slight of build and has alwas been on the 95 centile for height/weight
But he is definitely bigger than he should be

His feet are a 5 same as mine!

@myhubbyhasjinglebells

Go into your settings and go to "change username". Whichever username is in that box is the one which will automatically appear on your posts, so change it to the name you want to always appear. Otherwise you need to do it individually on each post you type.

We buy a big pot of natural yoghurt, if we have fruit they can have just fruit or fruit plus yoghurt, occasionally when we have none they can have a teaspoon of jam in it.

All this is so helpful.. I can make a plan and we can all do it
Thanks for not flaming me too

Is he primary or secondary school? Does he have access to pocket money that he could be spending on crisps/chocolate etc. without your knowledge?

His diet sounds relatively ok, I'd maybe change breakfast as you say - it's a lot of carbs and not much else - either Weetabix with banana and some nuts, or the toast with a couple of boiled eggs for example.

No he doesn't buy extra food..

The food pyramid is now 5-7 portions of fruit and veg I think...I can only see 2-3 on your list. Upping them and reducing carbs should help. Also upping protein...e.g. egg for breakfast and reducing carbs. Have you tried something like myfitnesspal just to educate you on what calories is in what? It was an eye opener for us. If we want any desserts, we have to up the exercise even more. No judgement here, still have a stone to lose.

How big a portion of evening meal does he have compared to an adult's? The same? ? half? a third?

I would say be wary about going low fat everything - kids need it for absorbing vitamins - but do watch portions, make more veg for meals to fill him up, try him with salad with everything as a side for eg.

I would second its an age when kids do put a bit on ready for growth spurt 11 to 14 so I wouldn't worry overly, but just swap out a few things and increase veg - so carrot and cucumber instead of some fruit at school, add one more exercise in after school, does he have a bike?

Hi
He could well be due a growth spurt. They do build up spare tyres around the middle at that age just before they sprout.

The important thing is for him not to feel you are putting him on a diet of any sort. You could just generally say you are planning a health kick in the run-up to Easter.

The food diary you mentioned is quite high in processed carbs and low in veg and fibre.

I'd maybe add protein to breakfast: poached eggs on two rounds of toast but skip the Weetabix.
He might be one of those people (I'm one) whose cravings are triggered by wheat. Having bread or weetabix can make some people feel ravenous for hours. If so, he might be snacking on the way to school or at school. Ask him if he ever has a feeling of being constantly hungry and see if it comes after eating wheat.

I'd add more veg and protein, generally. To packed lunch add carrot sticks, sliced sweet red pepper and cucumber and some shredded iceberg.

At dinner, make portions a bit smaller and add two more steamed veg to the meal to fill up the plate.

All he needs to do is grow into his skin, like puppies with big paws. He'll be fine.

Please swap out his low fat yog - it's a minor thing but artificially lowered fat products are just replaced with sugar! Children (and adults for that matter) need nice protein, healthy fats, not sugar.

Following with interest, as my 11yo is in the same boat. He loves loves loves food, and can be compulsive. But I would say that he eats less for breakfast than your DS but the rest is spot on, is quite short (I have been waiting for a growth spurt for 18 months but it hasn't come) and has too much of a belly.

We have decided not to have treats in the house, and only have them when we eat out.

Things that I will do so that DS doesn't realise what is happening are only to have ice lollies in spring and summer rather than ice cream, substitute crisps for the individual bags of popcorn that you can buy (salty is about 44 cals a bag, sweet and salty is only about 60), introduce more eggs into his diet (so omelette, frittata - I am not a lover of eggs but I understand that they are filling), introduce more bananas (ditto).

Good that you're committed to making a change!

I'd do what pp's say - definitely reduce his carbs a bit, more protein less fruit as snacks. Give him cheese as a snack, not clementines for example.

Sample diet plan :

Cheese omelet for breakfast
Glass of milk or water, not juice

Lunch - tuna pasta salad, made with chick peas as well as pasta.
Homemade banana bread, full fat Greek yog

Snack - cheese, hard-boiled eggs, cottage cheese and pineapple

Dinner : homemade stuff but maybe a bowl of soup as a starter? Take the edge off his appetite a bit?

That doesn't sound like a huge amount for a child his age, so I think you need to look at portion size (use smaller plates or fill a bigger portion of his plate with veg).
I would guesshe is snacking a lot - you say you might have lost track of that - so I'd have a good look at that - do you have snacks in the house? What sort of things - I would stop buying anything like crisps, biscuits, cakes, pastries and stick to healthier snacks. (I don;t think snacks are bad - a growing child may well need extra between meals - just make sure they are empty calories and not sugary stuff which doesn;t fill you up and in fact makes you immediately crave more sugar).
It's great he enjoys trampolining - that's a fun exercise, is there anything else he likes ? what about swimming or cycling, skateboarding, scootering,(maybe he's too old to scooter ?) or would he enjoy something you could do as a family - like orienteering which gives you a good walk (think it is called geocaching nowadays ?).

I wouldn;t panic, I'd keep it all pretty matter of fact, say you are going to eat more healthily as a family and do some fun stuff together, Get him to help make meals and to try lots of different veg etc to make itmore interesting.
At 11 he may very well be due a growth spurt - I used to work with children and I knew a lot of 11yr olds (including my own DS) who were a bit portly round the middle. Two/three years later most of them were beanpoles. DS went from a plumpish looking 11yr old to a six foot skinny 13 yr old. They grow out then up IME.

Hi op, I've been there. Please don't think you're a bad parent.
My ds is 16 this weekend and he filled out during junior school. He was always much bigger and taller than the other boys and carried it well. Be started year 7 in size 10
Men's shoes.
I tried to keep it under control but it was so difficult when he would eat at his dad's/school/friends houses and I felt I was failing him.

12 months ago we both started doing slimming world. Ds joined as a young member (12-15 years ) and is free. He has had the biggest transformation. He has lost 5st 9lbs in 10/11 months and is a new boy.

I appreciate that your son won't have that much to lose but the concept behind it is good. Fill your plate with "free food" and limit goodies, never go hungry but stop eating once full. It has been educating for us all and ds will be an adult in a couple of years and knows what foods are healthy, what are full of protein, healthy alternatives and even the best thing to have at McDonald's.
Nothing is off limits.

You could look up the plan online and loosely follow it or just adopt some of the principles. Ds eats more than ever but proper good food and really looks forward to treat night.
I have no doubt that girls have played a part in his wanting to lose weight, he is at the age where image is everything.
His school uniform is 4 sizes smaller than this time last year and I've had to replace his entire wardrobe.
His feet have finally stopped growing at a 14 and he can fit in some 13's now

Pls message me if you want to chat.

I think keeping portion sizes under control and no snacking will sort out the food problem. He will need something extra though as he is about to start growing and will shoot up. My ds had a huge appetite that that stage of his development. You can't go wrong topping up up fruit, veg and nuts. Yes, some of them are high in sugar and fat but it's all the right kind of sugar and fat and the vitamins will do him good.

The good news is that a growth spurt will burn loads of calories and as he grows taller he should, in theory, thin out a bit. Feet usually grow first so if he goes up a shoe size be prepared for him to get taller.

The exercise is the other thing that will help.

Instead of two weetabix AND toast, he needs more fruit and veg. Try weetabix with berries, or full fat yoghurt with berries and seeds, with a bunch of grapes. He's eating too much beige

We all needed a kick up the arse in my house as our portions were getting bigger and bigger. So I took all my big (very big) plates to the charity shop and swapped them for much smaller ones. Sounds daft but the fact that the plate still looked 'full' meant nobody really noticed!

And I had to serve up less because there wasn't the room for more

I also completely stopped buying junk - no crisps, no sweets. I started buying loads of fruit instead.

Eleven is a funny age anyway - I know of quite a few children who looked big at that age then a year or so later had shot up in height and were thin as a string. But healthy eating is a good habit to get into

I also agree with the poster who said don't serve up as many carbs - yes your DS still needs some, but protein will fill him up much more and for longer - so better to have a bigger piece of meat/fish with a much smaller jacket potato or whatever.