Ds very overweight.. Fact! Kick up MY arse needed

[Feellikeashitmum]

Ok so Ds 11 has had his results from the weight programme at school. He's very overweight.. I know he is. He carries it round his middle mostly and it seems like it's piled on the last 6 months or more.
No need to flame me, I feel completely shit and have had a cry (useless I know)
I do have another Ds 6 who's a normal weight just for full disclosure.
I know what I need to do and I will do it but just need to tell someone how utterly shit I feel.. also I'm going to write what he eats and see if anyone has any ideas.
Breakfast 2 weetabix and milk to cover then 2 slices 50/50 toast and butter (toast not daily but around 4 days a week)

Lunch 2 slices 50/50 sandwich with homemade tuna mayo, cheese spread or corned beef. Pack crisps and yog tube plus a pot of apricots/satsuma/ blueberries

Snack Pack raisins/oaty biscuit or a bag of mini biscuits or half bag snack a jacks

Dinner Cottage pie, spag bol, fish nuggets (fresh ones but shop bought) all homemade with pasta mash pots and frozen begs or beans.

His portions are too big I'm sure and I can see what I can cut out etc but I don't want him to know exactly what's going on though I may say that his weight results came back and he's a little heavier than is healthy so we need to make some changes (is that a bad idea?)

Exercise wise he does 1 hour Monday after school.. 2 hours Fri after school plus weekends are busy and active being outside a lot also impromptu exercise after school like playing footie for an hours with friends or similar.
Thanks for reading my ramblings...
I know what I need to do but getting some support/ideas would be good too

just to say, reading some of these comments - a healthy diet for a growing child is not the same as a healthy diet for an adult. I wouldn't follow some of the advice you've had on here, tbh.

Thank you all so much!
Alot for me to think about and plan. Will make a shopping list later..
He's quite tranditional in his food so likes a roast dinner, meat veg and pots
He'd faint if you put lentils or chickpeas on his plate (as would I)

I wouldn’t be too concerned. My ds12 was the same. He’s grown a bit and now the love handles aren’t looking as bad.
I work in a secondary boys school. I have observed over many years chubby year 7s coming in and by the time they reach year 10 they turn into bean poles.
You know what your son is eating. If he’s healthy in himself and has a reasonably balanced diet then I wouldn’t worry.

More protein, less processed carbs and more exercise. It's so hard keeping kids active over winter but how about a long walk at the weekends and swimming?

My eldest put a lot of weight on quickly and it was really hard having that conversation.

RiverTam.. what would you advise?

That sounds like a reasonable diet to me! It's not like he's living on deep fried crap and chocolate, and downing litres of fizzy drinks!

When he's not at school or doing his clubs is he fairly inactive? My siblings and I ate MASSIVE amounts as children, adult sized portions of everything often with second or third helpings. We were all so skinny and toned looking back at all pictures. BUT we didn't have a TV! Spare time was spent doing cartwheels and skipping, playing on the climbing frame, being cops and robbers and generally actively playing. On weekends we'd go swimming/cycling/playing squash/going on long walks with our family. I think these days with screens and tech everywhere you look (heck even blooming scooters are powered now!) it's all too easy for fat to accumulate even without excessive food. Is your son spending a lot of time vegged out with a screen? Maybe limit screen time (but turn it around so instead of making him feel punished by it being reduced, have you allowing it at all be a reward). At 11 he might feel too old to 'play' but you can ask for his help with entertaining his brother by organising games that he'll secretly enjoy too - treasure hunts, living-room discos, indoor tennis with paper plate rackets and a balloon, a relay team with a reward (a couple of quid maybe, not food!) if the boys can between them run up and down the stairs 100 times... Maybe there are 'chores' he could do that will involve activity? Mowing the lawn, doing the vacuuming, washing the car? You could introduce it as a suggestion for how he could earn some pocket money perhaps?

Huge congratulations to your DS Zoflora and to you for supporting him. That is really, really impressive. I am making notes.

You poor thing.

My best tip is to count his calories behind the scenes: weigh portions and calculate everything. It can be very eye-opening. Things like snacks or large portions of carbs can be way more calorific than you realise. Also, going for low calorie, high volume foods can help him feel full - things like vegetarian curries with pulses, vegetable stews etc.

Also meant to say - I wouldn't even mention it to him. There is no need for him to feel he's on a 'diet'.

Just make the changes, don't buy the crap and if he asks why, say you all need to start eating healthier stuff.

I don't want him to know exactly what's going on
He will know.
I had this issue ten years ago when DS was 11. He wasn't obese but had a bit of fat round his middle. It was obvious he was self conscious about his body and I tried for about a year to instil "healthy eating" habits without mentioning the real reason.
It took me by surprise because we are a slim family and his older brother was struggling to gain weight.

Eventually matters were getting worse and I grasped the nettle and talked to him about his weight. His relief was huge. I have no doubt I should have involved him in the process before.
He did increase his exercise but tbh I think it had little impact. We reduced his portion sizes and he never had seconds. I devised a traffic lights list of foods where nothing was forbidden but some things could be eaten any time and others were limited. When he reached the big growth spurt that all boys have he slimmed down and is now a very slender adult.

At school he takes a snack.. an oaty biscuit with a pack of raisins etc
What could he take thats filling but easy to shove in his mouth and run off to play football or pokemon or whatever
Feel like a pot of berries wouldnt cut it. A banana would be mush as I tried that before! It got squashed in his bag..

Oh, does he like dogs? Maybe he could start a 'dog walking service' (always supervised by you, of course!) after school and at weekends? He could put up posters in the local area and see if any neighbours would be interested. Obviously he's too young to officially be earning but a 'suggested donation' of £1 for a half hour walk sounds reasonable? If he's sensible and kind with animals he'd probably get some take-up but but he (and you and his brother, as you'd have to go too) would need to be happy going for walks in all weathers, picking up poo etc.

He's quite plain in his tastes so a pot of houmous and crudités would be left. He's like an old fashioned meat n two veg bloke

An apple? Or if he loves bananas buy him a [[https://www.amazon.co.uk/Banana-Guard-Holder-Carrier-20x5cm/dp/B008E6J1RA/ref=pd_lpo_vtph_201_tr_t_2?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=66TKD88GX278B03XHA4Y
bananaguard!]]

I’m in the same boat with dd. She was losing weight and only slightly in the overweight category. But then I was so ill last year and have since had 2 big surgeries, one of them very recent. I don’t have the energy to fight the eating habits. I barely have the energy to feed myself. ☹️😢

Sorry if I missed this, but have you had his thyroid checked?

My 9 year old son is in clothes for 15 year olds..I'm trying very hard to cut out snacks and limit sizes of meals.well meaning relatives are awful for giving him stuff.ive had to get strict with everyone.myself included.im determined I will not be buying him mens clothes untill he is a man.
All snacks are gone ,3 meals a day ,small ones.he has lost some weight because his clothes are now looking loose on him ..thank god..my son has autism ,and he's waiting for a school place ,so at home .makes life so much harder .

Oops sorry for messy link...

When I stopped drinking milk and eating cereal I lost over a stone relatively quickly. I think we can underestimate the calories and fat in milk.

My daughter eats more than that but does a lot of sports. I’d go and see the gp if I were you.

I am no expert on nutrition, however when people give lists of what their meals are they all seem very saucy.

Growing up we ate a meat and veg diet. Our family are in general slim, no dieting going on.

I would suggest roasting a chicken, poaching or oven baking fish, pot roasting a piece of brisket etc. Serve them with potatoes, carrots swede, green veg etc. Plain salad, eggs. If you serve bread make it whole meal.

Make pizza, pasta, curries etc a once a week thing. I think people these days are having these things most nights of the week. Very carb heavy and sauce laden.

Ditch the mayonnaise, it’s highly calorific. If you make sandwiches make them with lean meat or fish and use a smear of mustard or pickle if you want to spice it up.

Food these days is very soft and mushy, a good yardstick is to choose plain foods that need to be chewed!

Also I notice many recipes seem to be smothered in cheese, very unhealthy in my view.

I would be only serving pizza, pasta, curry, fried food once a week as a maximum.

Increase use of dried beans and pulses, they are filling and healthy.

Good luck!

My DS1 was quite chubby round the middle at this age - it made it really difficult buying trousers for him.

He himself decided to do more walking and cut down on snacks, and over about a year, his lifestyle changes plus growing upwards sorted it out.

To echo what a lot of people have said, puberty might make a huge difference. At 11 one of my nephews was a short, chubby little boy, by 13 he was a teenage string bean. Not that this is a reason to ignore diet and exercise changes, but your son is going to physically change a lot in the next few years and his body will probably even out as he grows if he sticks to a good diet.

Could your ds be packing on weight in prep for puberty? My ds did similar at 10- he really softened and filled out- unusual for him as he 2as usually skinny. Then he shot up an out (shoulders) in time for puberty (ds has started early).He is 12 this year and skinny, tall and muscular. Perhaps your ds could be similar?

Based on my experience with my own diet I'd be trying to get protein into him at every possible opportunity, it will help him feel fuller for longer. Particularly at breakfast if I ate two weetabix and two 50/50 slices of toast I'd have a big blood sugar spike but then be hungry again by 11am. Can you get him to have a yoghurt instead of one of the carby courses? or eggs?
Snacks too I'd be trying for a small cheese like babybel instead of raisins.
Basically I'd hate to see a growing boy go hungry but protein helps satiety. It also helps stabilise blood sugar levels and therefore energy.