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Original poster

DD accused of bullying

126 replies

Bedsidedrawer · 26/02/2019 23:05

My dd is 10 and sent a friend a message via online chat (through a game they play). It was a horoscope/prediction about betraying friends or some such nonsense. My dd sent it to try and be funny/edgy I think but is being accused of bullying.
My dd is so kind and thoughtful. Gets glowing reports from teachers. This was a one off message, in bad taste perhaps, but I'd say a typical tween thing to do. She is sorry and will apologise but I don't appreciate the word bullying being used at all. I feel she has just made a mistake in online communication but didn't mean to be nasty or anything.
This other girl's parents spoil her rotten, watch over everything she does and are very intense. I honestly don't understand why this has become a drama.

OP posts:
ineedaholidaynow · 27/02/2019 00:22

Do you monitor her social media etc. If not, now may be the time to start, but maybe give her pointers as what you would think is an acceptable thing to post etc. We managed to avoid all this in Primary school, but I still keep a wary eye on DS(14)'s social media. Luckily he is not that bothered by it apart from mainly looking at F1 cars and Top Gear. But there have been cases of on-line bullying in his school, so I like to keep an eye on things

Maybe also have a word at school and tell the teacher there has been an upset between them, so they can keep an eye on them.

Original poster
Bedsidedrawer · 27/02/2019 08:30

She is kind and considerate.
The girl in question is actually rude when she comes to my house. No please or thank you, refuses to speak to me if I try to chat to her. Not saying this justifies unkindness but she is no angel.
I will have a word with the teacher. To keep an eye but also to tell her that the very strong accusation of bullying has been used against my dd. It's not a term that should be bandied about lightly.

OP posts:
Hamsternauts · 27/02/2019 08:33

At a guess yes, something like that.
So you've not seen the comment? You need to see it to be able to understand why they are upset about it.

GreenOliveOrBlackOlive · 27/02/2019 08:37

I was thinking the same. What exactly was said?

Original poster
Bedsidedrawer · 27/02/2019 08:38

It wasn't a comment phrased by my dd. It was a horoscope note. I've said that several times.

OP posts:
RiverTam · 27/02/2019 08:40

why are you allowing your 10 year old to do online gaming?

I agree that both girls need to toughen up and all parents calm down.

FlibbertyGiblets · 27/02/2019 08:40

I'm sorry to hear you've had tough times.

Please return to supervising your daughter online. You can help her to think before sending stuff, and you can be double checking what is being accessed.

Original poster
Bedsidedrawer · 27/02/2019 08:46

Well all the girls in her class play this game which looks innocent enough. I have banned her now anyway.
I can't sit and supervise her all the time, I have three other children.

OP posts:
RiverTam · 27/02/2019 08:48

so just ban online gaming, just do console gaming. Who cares if all the others are playing it. You don't know how many adults masquerading as 10 year old girls are also playing it.

Hamsternauts · 27/02/2019 08:50

Everyone understands that it was a horoscope, not your dd's own words, but your dd did forward it to the other girl. The fact that you are not wanting to disclose what was in the horoscope note gives the impression it was unkind

Burlea · 27/02/2019 08:53

Are YOU that parent who thinks their child is never in the wrong.

Namechange8471 · 27/02/2019 08:54

The girl in question is actually rude when she comes to my house. No please or thank you, refuses to speak to me if I try to chat to her. Not saying this justifies unkindness but she is no angel.

You're deflecting here.

I may sound unpopular here but I wouldn't allow my 10 year old social media.

As you've found out things can be interpreted differently to their intention.

I'd take her off the game and have a word with her about kindness etc.

YogaWannabe · 27/02/2019 08:55

It was obviously serious enough as you’re omitting what it said and the parents and school got involved.
Take off your rose tinted glasses, my DD gets praised all the time for how kind she is but she’s also capable of occasionally being unkind, as she’s human.
I think it’s crazy that 10 year olds have this kind of online access tbh.

Poggitt · 27/02/2019 08:55

I do generally agree that the term 'bully' is branded around a bit too frequently these days. I understand it must be upsetting to have such a strong word directed at your DD.

Saying that, your posts come across as quite scathing towards the other child and her family. You say she is spoilt, the family are intense, that the girl is rude when she comes over, saying she is no angel etc etc. You also keep reinforcing how wonderful and kind your own DD is and how school all seem to agree. I get that we all bat for our own kids but you need to accept that your DD has (perhaps unintentionally) stepped out of line here and has clearly deeply upset another child.

Is there perhaps background issues that you're unaware of? Maybe she's upset the child before via this game/app and you're unaware of other instances and this is the straw that broke the camels back hence the strong accusation of bullying. Just a thought.

IceRebel · 27/02/2019 08:57

I may sound unpopular here but I wouldn't allow my 10 year old social media.

I agree, as do social media companies which is why most of them are at least 13+

What game was she playing?

OKBobble · 27/02/2019 09:00

Your daughter has been caught out doing something wrong whether on purpose or by mistake. As a parent you should be explaining why what she did was unacceptable and that is why she has been accused of bullying. Just tell her if she doesn't want to be called that again she shouldn't do what she did.

Have you punished her at all? I suspect not. How will she learn it is not acceptable if you are minimising her behaviour. Nip it in the bid now. If she really is a nice, kind girl it will be a leason quickly learned and probably never happen again!

Seriously though no matter how many kids you have you can monitor their social media! Especially if she is only 10 and actually should be on these sites.

NuffSaidSam · 27/02/2019 09:27

'Have you punished her at all? I suspect not'

Have you read the OP's posts? I suspect not.

She's had a strong word, told her to apologise and banned her from the game.

What else would you like her to do? Send her to a reform school?

Original poster
Bedsidedrawer · 27/02/2019 09:32

I am struggling with depression and anxiety and this has floored me Sad
I don't think my kids are always right I just don't think they are bullies. It's a horrible, horrible accusation.

OP posts:
DrinkFeckArseGirls · 27/02/2019 09:37

Did you see the message or not? Confused

FlibbertyGiblets · 27/02/2019 09:37

Have the family computer/laptop downstairs, you swish by and cast eye over screen as you go. That kind of supervision. No being online shut away in bedroom.

IceRebel · 27/02/2019 09:39

I just don't think they are bullies. It's a horrible, horrible accusation.

Please stop focusing on the word bully. Your daughter has been unkind to another child. The parent are obviously upset that their daughter has been sent the message, and have used the word that most closely (in their eyes) fits the situation.

Your daughter needs to apologize and the game banned. That's all. No need to go telling the teacher, or calling out the other girl's previous behaviour. Also you admit to not monitoring her social media, so this may not be the first time she has sent a message like this, whether to this child or any others.

goldengummybear · 27/02/2019 09:46

Some people throw around the word bully when they mean annoying. Your dd clearly didn't bully the other girl but she's annoyed her so she'll know to think before she says stuff in future.
It's become a drama because everybody is being intense - you are over reacting to the word bully and the other parents are over reacting to your DD's actions. Tell your dd not to online chat with this girl and if she must then to send the bare minimum in pleasantries. The other girl and her parents have totally misconstrued the horoscope as a veiled threat of some kind which is bollocks.

Fazackerley · 27/02/2019 09:51

I think you should calm down and take a bit of responsibility here.

We all know girls who can be lovely in class but bitchy on social media.

She's 10. She's too young for any kind of social media.

You are being ridiculous as you haven't even seen it! Surely the first thing you'd do as a parent is read it.

PandaSky · 27/02/2019 09:52

Why aren't you saying what the horoscope said?

Why did she send the horoscope to her friend, it must have some meaning behind it?

Fazackerley · 27/02/2019 09:52

It's totally bizarre that you don't know what it said . Clearly it was mean and a bit bitchy.