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Original poster

DD accused of bullying

126 replies

Bedsidedrawer · 26/02/2019 23:05

My dd is 10 and sent a friend a message via online chat (through a game they play). It was a horoscope/prediction about betraying friends or some such nonsense. My dd sent it to try and be funny/edgy I think but is being accused of bullying.
My dd is so kind and thoughtful. Gets glowing reports from teachers. This was a one off message, in bad taste perhaps, but I'd say a typical tween thing to do. She is sorry and will apologise but I don't appreciate the word bullying being used at all. I feel she has just made a mistake in online communication but didn't mean to be nasty or anything.
This other girl's parents spoil her rotten, watch over everything she does and are very intense. I honestly don't understand why this has become a drama.

OP posts:
BrendaUrie · 26/02/2019 23:08

Well what exactly did it say?

Knittedfairies · 26/02/2019 23:09

What would your reaction be if your daughter had received the message, rather than sent it?

ineedaholidaynow · 26/02/2019 23:12

Some messages can seem harmless to one person and absolutely devastating to the recipient. Your DD needs to learn this

Original poster
Bedsidedrawer · 26/02/2019 23:15

I know my dd didn't mean to be nasty. I've had a strong word about how you have to be careful what you send to people but she is 10 for goodness sake. I've had her devastated tonight thinking she is a bully. She is not. I am so angry at these parents making her feel this way. They are bullies in my opinion.

OP posts:
whitehorsesdonotlie · 26/02/2019 23:17

It’s not Momo, is it?

icouldwriteabook · 26/02/2019 23:19

Context needed, what exactly did she say? Word for word? You can’t expect people to agree with you without knowing what she said.
10 is old enough to be criminally prosecuted by the way (not relating that to this, just explaining her age doesn’t make her completely innocent, unknowing of her actions or a baby).
Like pp said, how would you feel if she received the message she sent?
Things can be taken completely out of context online, the internet is awful really.

whitehorsesdonotlie · 26/02/2019 23:20

You sound quite over-protective. What exactly did your dd’s message say?

You sound very critical of the other girl’s parents. Just be careful. Are you applying the same standards to them that you would to you?

BirdieInTheHand · 26/02/2019 23:21

I understand why you'd defend your DD but it's incredibly hard to assess the position without knowing what she sent

Original poster
Bedsidedrawer · 26/02/2019 23:22

She didn't say anything. It was a horoscope note that she sent.
I think she was trying to be cryptic in an innocent way but the girl has taken offence.
Fair enough to have a word, apologise etc. But bullying accusations are too much.

OP posts:
BirdieInTheHand · 26/02/2019 23:24

So something along lines of:

"This week your actions are not those of a friend when you betray your closest girl pal..." ??

Original poster
Bedsidedrawer · 26/02/2019 23:28

At a guess yes, something like that.

OP posts:
GemmeFatale · 26/02/2019 23:30

So it’s not ok for her friend to be upset your DD said something about her friendship but obviously your child is devastated her friend returned the favour and called her out on the behaviour?

Original poster
Bedsidedrawer · 26/02/2019 23:33

It was done in innocence. Tween girls sending horoscopes from magazines for goodness sake.
I can bet she isn't as devastated as my dd being accused of bullying. Teachers always rave about how kind she is. Never had this issue with other mums.

OP posts:
ineedaholidaynow · 26/02/2019 23:34

So you haven't seen what she sent?

NuffSaidSam · 26/02/2019 23:35

Has it become a drama?

If your DD is going to apologise and that will be the end of it it's hardly fodder for EastEnders is it?

FrancisCrawford · 26/02/2019 23:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NuffSaidSam · 26/02/2019 23:40

It wasn't necessarily unkind though. If she forwarded on a horoscope, she may well have thought she was forewarning her of trouble to come!

Original poster
Bedsidedrawer · 26/02/2019 23:41

My dd is sensitive. She is devastated to be accused of being a bully when she isn't.
She didn't send it to be unkind. Unthinking perhaps. She is naive and got one of these tween magazines recently. Thinks she's growing up reading such things. Perhaps she was just showing off I don't know.
She is certainly no bully.
I'm truly sorry if the other girl is devastated but I have a devastated girl too Sad

OP posts:
NuffSaidSam · 26/02/2019 23:43

It sounds like both girls need to toughen up and both lots of parents need to calm down.

Original poster
Bedsidedrawer · 26/02/2019 23:45

We have recently been through a bereavement. It's hard to keep calm with these things. I don't like my dd being accused of something horrible like this when I know it's unjustified.

OP posts:
NuffSaidSam · 26/02/2019 23:48

Fair enough, but it's a word that gets bandied about. You know she isn't a bully. She knows she isn't. The teachers know she isn't. I bet this other girl knows she isn't. I'm sorry for your bereavement but for your dd's sake calm down and brush this off as the nonsense it clearly is. There doesn't need to be a drama. No-one needs to be devastated because of a horoscope!

Original poster
Bedsidedrawer · 26/02/2019 23:53

Think you're talking sense NuffSaidSam
I'm struggling to keep things in perspective recently. We just keep getting shit thrown at us and things like this are the last straw.

OP posts:
ineedaholidaynow · 27/02/2019 00:02

Did she get told off by school, or is it the other parents complaining to you?

Original poster
Bedsidedrawer · 27/02/2019 00:04

Other parents. School not involved. Irony is the school always say how kind and considerate my dd is!

OP posts:
GreenTulips · 27/02/2019 00:16

You keep saying she’s kind and considerate. In this instance she hasn’t been.

The be a bully it needs to targeted and in going.

How did the conversation go with the the other parents?

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