Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Has anyone got all normal children?

160 replies

CandyPuff · 23/02/2019 18:30

I have 2. The first one is so easy going. She's a teenager and she's lovely company. She always has been. Full of life and adventure, enthusiastic, chatty

The second one has mental health issues, is anxious. She is argumentative and stubborn. She doesn't want to do anything and wants everything her own way. She doesn't compromise and screams and shouts ALOT.

I don't know what I did wrong with her? She is so hard to parent and she worries and upsets me

OP posts:
SleepyDibillo · 23/02/2019 20:44

Words DO matter though. To use my example earlier, if I said "red hair is unusual" no one would blink, but if I said "red hair is not normal" people would probably take offence.

Original poster
CandyPuff · 23/02/2019 20:46

No love I don't think it would be 'boring' to have children without mental health issues. At all. It would be a goddamn relief

OP posts:
BrinkPink · 23/02/2019 20:47

I wouldn't! :o because it's not normal, i.e. the norm, and to me that's a reasonable thing to say. But then I guess I'm not normal.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
Original poster
CandyPuff · 23/02/2019 20:48

Why are you insistent on talking about your ginger haired child sleepy?? WTAF

OP posts:
BeesandGees · 23/02/2019 20:48

Seems it’s ‘normal’ to be very easily offended on here.... I think normal is used to describe the commonly accepted status of whatever is being described, so in the example used above by SleepyDibillo I think that yes, it’s perfectly acceptable to say that Europeans normally have brown hair..... not a bad thing if you don’t - the word abnormal can be negative or positive depending on the circumstances and likes / dislikes of the individual.... to me it’s perfectly acceptable to say that neither of the ops children are ‘normal’ one sounds like a delight which i don’t class as ‘normal’ for teenagers. That’s a positive abnormality. I get fed up of people trying to ‘normalise’ anything different. Different can be good, different can be challenging - labeling us all normal because it feels better does not really help either situation. Hope things get better op.

SleepyDibillo · 23/02/2019 20:49

It's an example candy

Original poster
CandyPuff · 23/02/2019 20:51

We already have an example...my suicidal 8 year old. I'm not going to pretend that is normal, so that I don't accidentally offend the mother of a ginger child

OP posts:
SleepyDibillo · 23/02/2019 20:52

I don't have a ginger child. Read what I actually wrote.

BrinkPink · 23/02/2019 20:52

As for "quirky about a cup" - now that is pretty rude and a very snidey way to belittle what can be horribly severe anxiety. OP I do understand about this, DD is similar about a lot of things. And I understood when you were saying it's not normal to get in a state about things to an extent that's so upsetting for her (and difficult for you too).

MiceSqueakCatsMeow · 23/02/2019 20:53

I agree twin. It's what is 'normal ' for you might not be 'normal' for me.
I know it's not particularly helpful for the op, but I really hate the word normal in relationship to people. I suppose it's because compared to most of society I'm not normal. I'm autistic, my dcs are autistic. I'm surprised after everything that has been explained on this thread that op didn't change the title, knowing that it's offensive to some people.
I do get the anger and frustration you feel with your situation op. It's crap when you realise that this is it. Have you spoken to anyone about extra help? Maybe you should ring children's services to get help. There's a service called team around the family. Also your other child can access support for young carers .

Yabbers · 23/02/2019 20:57

I know nothing about your 9 year old or whether she’s normal or not
So there are circumstances under which you would tell a child they aren’t normal.

Nice.

millythepink · 23/02/2019 20:58

Have two very pleasant, run of the mill teenagers and never had any problems with either of them. We even seem to have avoided the typical teenage tantrums and moodiness Smile

Lovemusic33 · 23/02/2019 20:59

So if your child did not have mental health issues you think they would be normal?

People that have mental health issues are not normal?? What is normal?

No, it’s not nice having a child with mental health issues and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone, it’s hard for the child and hard for the parent/s, no one wants to see their child suffer but things can improve and they often do. I hope you get the help you need for your daughter.

ElliotBoy · 23/02/2019 20:59

Wow so, so many deliberately unkind responses to a poster who is begging for support. Mumsnet at its worst.

Yes I noticed the "normal" in the title but it really isn't difficult to read the opening post and put it into context. Unless of course you're determined to be an arsehole.

Sorry OP, I have two with mh difficulties and I feel your pain. I too am resigning myself to the fact that it's long term rather than temporary. One sees a counsellor weekly and we go together to a clinical psychologist. She is also contracted to limit phone use, eat and exercise at agreed times. I don't actually care if anyone finds that draconian, it's a pathway out of hell.

Original poster
CandyPuff · 23/02/2019 21:02

eat and exercise at agreed times

I really like this idea Elliott...I'm going to try this. I struggle to get her to leave the house

OP posts:
DinosApple · 23/02/2019 21:03

Out of my two my 'normal' easy to parent one has dyslexia, dyspraxia and mild ADHD, she's resilient and outgoing. She just does not listen to me.
DD2 is undiagnosed, but she's my harder to parent child. She's very anxious, shy and sensitive. Quite honestly it wouldn't surprise me in the slightest if there is more going on. But I only have to ask her something once!

Flowers it sounds heart breaking OP.

Jinglejanglefish · 23/02/2019 21:04

*So there are circumstances under which you would tell a child they aren’t normal.

Nice.*

Normal doesn’t mean ‘good’ or ‘better’.

SuePerb · 23/02/2019 21:07

People are too quick to get offended and ignore the OP's question and her obvious distress.

I have a less than normal child and I'm not offended fwiw. It's tough. Mine's older now and I worry so much about his adulthood. Flowers OP. I'm sorry you're going through this. No, it's probably nothing you did. Alot of people will have mental health issues at some stage through their lives, but agree it's very distressing seeing them in a child.

incywincybitofa · 23/02/2019 21:08

Would they blend into a crowd- nope -but I love them for it.

PaulHollywoodsSexGut · 23/02/2019 21:10

Just another thread where a knackered, stressed OP is kicked like a football to add to the - oooh, 5? 6? that I’ve seen this week in Chat.

Ignore the idiots OP. My two are too small to gauge to provide a solid answer but I just wanted to give you a Flowers as you sound like you’re holding up under extreme duress.

Original poster
CandyPuff · 23/02/2019 21:11

Thank you so much Paul

OP posts:
MotherOfDragonite · 23/02/2019 21:12

I know you don't mean to offend.

Honestly, no, I don't think they do. We're all weird and perfect in our own special ways. And mental health is a continuum rather than something that's fixed for life, so really, I strongly suspect that the bulk of people will suffer some kind of issues at some point.

ElliotBoy · 23/02/2019 21:15

@ candy

We've been through a lot and I have done everything I can possibly think of to be supportive. But it doesn't work unless they do their bit. So. After protracted discussions I had both children write a contract regarding use of technology, eating (she was eating only junk) and for this child, exercise. Yes I'll listen to her worries and get her professional help but she has to make efforts too.

I'm finding it is slow but steady progress. She is sleeping better so less moody, has more energy and, although there are still many fraught interactions, it does feel as though we are on an upward trajectory.

PooFlower · 23/02/2019 21:18

Have you tried theraputic parenting your eldest. I was in a similar situation to you and it has been lifechanging. I have done a mixture of therapeutic parenting and lovebombing. We are not out of the woods yet and have ups and downs but things have improved massively in the last six months. It is hard though Flowers

Thepearofwisdom · 23/02/2019 21:25

Sorry you are getting and having a hard time Op, as a parent of two amazing children who are very challenging to parent due to autism/pda, I understand the feeling of ones life or ones childs life not being 'normal' which is simply another word for typical.

It is not typical to not be able to visit family, eat out, have friends round, replace tv frequently, have rooms trashed, not be able to leave the house, not be able to protect the youngest from the oldest's violence, not be able to stop the youngest from provoking his sister when he is hyper. To not know how to get through each day, to carry on accessing fighting battling for support. These and the experiences of the op are not typical and I do not find anything offensive in what she has said. ThanksCake OP

Swipe left for the next trending thread