Has anyone got all normal children?

[CandyPuff]

I have 2. The first one is so easy going. She's a teenager and she's lovely company. She always has been. Full of life and adventure, enthusiastic, chatty

The second one has mental health issues, is anxious. She is argumentative and stubborn. She doesn't want to do anything and wants everything her own way. She doesn't compromise and screams and shouts ALOT.

I don't know what I did wrong with her? She is so hard to parent and she worries and upsets me

Thank you jingle

And I so get you with keeping them not suicidal 😔

It's so very tough.

My mum, normal in the sense that she has three self sufficient adult daughters, two with long term partners, one lives in London and has a 38k salary at 24, one who works in management, and another who is a teacher.
She also has a child with Crippling OCD,
2 autistic children
A child with schizoaffective disorder
A child with mobility probloms
A child with a chronic pain condition
And an athsmatic xhild

Wtf is normal?

Do you mean NT? Or are you just feeling like it all too much?
I don’t thimk your intentions were goady or Nasty with the thread title. I think today has been too much.

You probably didn’t do anything wrong?
Maybe she feels she’s living in DC1s shadow, constant competition and never good enough? I don’t know.
But what I do know is that life is fucking hard, for all of us. You sound like you want the best for your kids. Is there anyone you could ask for support, partner?/DCs dad?/ school?/ GP?

Give yourself a break! You deserve it.

grey tell me more about autism in your daughter if you don't mind. I have considered it in the past, but dismissed it as grasping at straws.

I thought about it because she keeps everything neat and tidy and likes things in rows. And also, I remembered that before the bullying, when she was 4, she had a period of 'hearing voices'

I agree the title really does need re thinking.
Moving on...
I know it can be hard work sometimes, even mentally exhausting, but if I were you I wouldn't refer to your younger child as abnormal.
The fact that his mother is, will be picked up on, particularly when compared to his perfect older sister.

Rather than look at your sons behaviours, maybe step back and look at the triggers. The triggers will tell you a thousand things, your son won't even have words for.

However hard it is for you, it will be so much tougher for your son to feel the way he does about himself and aspects of his life.
There's only really one key thing to parenting positively besides love etc and that's 'acknowledgment'
Acknowledge and understand why your child feels the way he does and show him you understand. Then, show him and enable him what to do to cope and feel better.

Try and see things from his perspective. It's doesn't mean your agreeing with him. You're just acknowledging his feelings.

E.g., my 11 mth old grabs things from my 3 yr old. Very occasionally he will push her or snatch the toy back. 11 mths old is a baby so doesn't understand, but my 3 yr old has just had something snatched away from him ....yet again. Rather than tell him off for pushing, I show him how to get his toy back by swopping it with her or asking for help from me.

Well they are all 3 of them normal....or not depending on your definition of normal and which bit of them you're looking at!

Dd1 - bright, struggles socially, has had help for anxiety and ocd-ish behaviours
Dd2 - very creative, takes delight in being different, dyslexic, has also had panic attacks
Ds - has complex needs as a result of a very rare (approx 50 worldwide) genetic condition.

I find aspects of parenting all 3 very hard sometimes, I find the admin, bureacracy, meetings and appointments overwhelming, frankly the whole adult responsibility involved in parenting is a fucking ballache at times.

I hate the way these threads always go. "It's because you prefer your other child, they know you don't love them as much" blah blah blah.

Some dc are just harder work!

I've got four and they're all 'normal' (NT, average, run of the mill kids).

They're not always nice though. Not always good company or enthusiastic or chatty. Sometimes they're complete dicks. Like all 'normal' kids.

I wish! My son has PDA. It's absolute shit. Just put shit!

grey she is 9

@CandyPuff we actually were initially referred as I self diagnosed ADHD as her behaviour was just becoming increasingly difficult. She seemed to present absolutely as ADHD. DH and I went to our GP and said we were sure it was...

But respect to the professionals.

It did take over two years in total to get a diagnosis, but they took it seriously and after deciding after lots of interviews and watching it wasn't ADHD, gently referred us on for ASD in the kindest way. And then we were seen again and again and all the school visits were done again.

DD is utterly different to how I thought autism was, and yet now post diagnosis, I look back and see tiny clues were there all the time. But she was quick and always copied "normal" responses. She still does.

She is the most complex person in our family and I adore her quirks. But oh my god, she is bloody hard work frequently. I worry a lot in private about her mental state and how to best support her.

Fuerza, suspecting pda or similar with my dd, though she doesn't quite tick all of the boxes. Very challenging and when you have another child who doesn't present you with these challenges it is very difficult not to compare because parenting is hard at the best of times, especially when you have the needs of more than one child to consider.

I have a dd with autism and is currently going through a suicidal phase. (I say phase because it is a phase that comes and goes with her)
Do you think your DD is actually at risk of suicide or is she perhaps having very intense feelings and intrusive thoughts and that's the only way she can verbally express it?

Normal is not an offensive word.

grey I am optimistic every day that things might be better. It's pretty much the same everyday. Such a grinding drudge

Ozzie having older kids is entirely different to having babies and toddlers

Dd1 is not the 'favourite'. If anything, in RL you could accuse me of siding with dd2 more

The antonym of normal is abnormal, which is why the title is offensive to some. No, neither of my children are mundane.
Lots of bog standard, average children face challenges later; depression, self-harm, drugs, eating disorders and the rest. DS has become the most laid back, cheerful and stable young man after a very tricky childhood. Parenting is always a minefield.

I give dd2 lots of margin, where I don't with dd1.

Normal is not an offensive word
Would you tell a child with mental health problems that they're "not normal"? If not, why not?

I have two dc- one nt and one diagnosed asd. My asd daughter is easy to parent (atm) (Though dealings with the school is a harder challenge)

Meanwhile my nt daughter is very draining. High maintenance you might say. She just needs a huge amount of emotional support, and has seemingly no resilience. I really try to enforce good self esteem and resilience, but still she is so needy. I think children are under such heavy and ridged social pressure now. My asd daughter escapes that because she doesn't see the social nuances and doesn't understand the need or want to conform

Really in 2019 'normal' is offensive? Surely you can understand what OP means when you read the post.
Sorry your having a hard time, i hope things get easier

Normal is not an offensive word.

I don't think anyone thought it was - it's more the implication that children are 'abnormal'. That and the fact that it's incredibly difficult to define 'normal' in any meaningful sense and it seems crass to reduce children to 'normal' or 'abnormal'.
Not that I think that's what the OP meant to say.

She has anxiety/PTSD/OCD as a result of bullying in school. She is often suicidal. She has had and is having counseling in school and outside of school. She has been under the care of a paediatrician in the past and medicated but is currently much better

That’s pretty full on for a 9 year old?

I would push for a SN assessment - autism in girls is much harder to spot.

nousername that is the million dollar question isn't it. My dad also has 'phases'. She's good right now. When she is bad, I think she truly would prefer to be dead. I think she is just too young to have figured out how to do it. But hopefully as she gets older will find a less catastrophic way of dealing with her feelings