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Original poster

Not sure if I did the right thing this morning, bumped into ex with DD

68 replies

Elodiesflower · 23/02/2019 10:33

DD is 4. I split up with her father when she was tiny. He had very regular contact until 8 months ago. He met a new partner and gradually stopped turning up, answering the phone etc. I have been blocked on his phone for 8 months now. We haven't heard or seen him since then.

DD was naturally confused and upset for months. I took the line of telling her Daddy was very busy and then eventually ended up saying I don't know where he is and I understood how sad she is. She hasn't mentioned him for 2 months now.

I was walking down the high street with DD about an hour ago and he and his partner suddenly appeared about 10 ft in front of us walking towards us. They saw me at the same time I saw them. She was clearly pregnant. I grabbed DD up and put her on my hip and turned tail into Superdrug. She didn't see him and they didn't follow us.

I had presumed they had left the area tbh. I don't know how to approach this if it happens again in the future. I presume eventually DD will forget what he looks like? I do have two photos up of him in the house but i'm wondering if I should put them away for the future or keep them up?

I'm genuinely shook tbh.

OP posts:
dancemom · 23/02/2019 10:34

What a terrible situation for you and your dd

TokyoSushi · 23/02/2019 10:34

I think you did the best that you could in the circumstances, that's really difficult Thanks

Drum2018 · 23/02/2019 10:36

Wow, what an absolute dick. Does his partner know about dd? She better watch out as she could well be left high and dry too. Does he pay maintenance?

bobstersmum · 23/02/2019 10:37

What a shame your poor dd. I always hope men like this will look back one day and feel deep regret and shame for this kind of behaviour, I have no idea how anyone can not want to see their own children.
Does he pay maintenance op?

MrsPworkingmummy · 23/02/2019 10:38

What an awful situation for both you and DD! I think you did the best thing in the unexpected circumstances.

Is he paying maintenance towards DD?

InsomniaTho · 23/02/2019 10:38

Oh OP Sad Flowers

What a total bastard. I’d have done the same. ExH hasn’t seen DD since she was 7 weeks old - is now 3 - she wouldn’t recognise him but he would us and frankly he doesn’t deserve even a glimpse of her.

TheVonTrappFamilySwingers · 23/02/2019 10:38

Yes agreed he is an arse. My initial thought is that I hope you are making him pay child support and I would be inclined to remove his photos from around the house and keep them for when DD is older and may ask about him.

GertrudeCB · 23/02/2019 10:41

You did beautifully this morning - you saved your dd from hurt.
He is a prize cunt Angry

Original poster
Elodiesflower · 23/02/2019 10:43

No he stopped paying at the same time he blocked me. She does know about DD as she met her a few times.

I’m not going to pursue money as i don’t want to invite him back into our lives for him to hurt her all over again.

He looked shocked to see us TBH. I can’t believe they are still living here. How long does it take for a 4 year old to forget someone?

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 23/02/2019 10:43

Does he pay?

BertrandRussell · 23/02/2019 10:44

Sorry, Cross post.

Don’t let him get away with not paying.

IamPickleRick · 23/02/2019 10:47

Your poor DD. I can only hope for you that he moves away. What a bastard, and well done you for quick thinking when you saw him Flowers

Original poster
Elodiesflower · 23/02/2019 10:50

I’m bloody annoyed because I had a load of errands in town and I just went straight back to the car and home so we wouldn’t see him again.

Fucking bastard, I feel like I should have spat at his feet and called him a cunt but obviously not with DD there!

OP posts:
slipperywhensparticus · 23/02/2019 10:53

Just rise above it don't react at all to him definitely don't spit at him or anything

PearlandRubies194 · 23/02/2019 10:54

You didn’t make a scene, shout, swear or anything in front of your child. You didn’t cause her any upset. Instead, you picked her up and protected her even though you were feeling a million things. Well done OP.

He’s a dickhead.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 23/02/2019 10:57

Unfortunately, whether he pays to maintain your DD or not, he retains his parental rights and can walk back into her life at any time he likes, the twat.

So make him pay. Even if you put this money aside for DD when she goes to university, wants a deposit for a home, decides to travel the world - she is entitled to it.

Don't let this git get away with things so easily,

PCohle · 23/02/2019 10:57

You took the moral high ground.

Shouting at him and asking his new partner how good a father she expected him to be would have been satisfying but not great for your DD.

You should totally pursue him for CM though.

Diorissimo1985 · 23/02/2019 10:58

Flowers you are amazing OP for holding it together! What a lowlife. You and your DD are better off without him

Loopytiles · 23/02/2019 10:58

Despicable actions from him, and his partner is an idiot.

I would find a way to contact him - and his DP - tell what I thought of his behaviour, the negative impact on DD, and seek maintenance via CSA, for DD’s sake.

Kaykay06 · 23/02/2019 10:58

That’s so sad, how can you just cut contact with your beautiful little girl and pretend she doesn’t exist then reproduce with someone else. I don’t understand how anyone could do this. Your poor daughter, she must be so confused that daddy just vanished from her life. And for him to live in the same town where they will see each other etc. despicable human being.

And the gf being pregnant knowing that her partner has turned his back on one child, I couldn’t be with someone like that. Put the pics away but I’d chase for maintence he shouldn’t get away with not supporting his child. What a horrible situation for you both
I hope you find a way to help her understand and you sound like a lovely mummy for her

AnotherEmma · 23/02/2019 10:58

For gods sake go through CMS for the maintenance money.

SleepDeprivedCabbageBrain · 23/02/2019 10:58

Oh my God, what a fucker! Ghosting your own kid?! How can that woman have a baby with him knowing what a shit he is being to his DD?! I'm so sorry I'm sure you felt so upset, I hope you're feeling better now.

PeterPiperPickedWrong · 23/02/2019 10:58

How awful. You did brilliantly protecting your daughter from hurt. Is there a chance he was just visiting family in the area?
Definately put the photographs away. Hopefully he will fade from her memory quickly.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 23/02/2019 10:58

oh - and you did the right thing. Your DD would have been heartbroken to have seen him and for him to have ignored her or brushed her aside.

Blocked you, the bastard! And presumably no birthday and Christmas gifts for DD?

kaytee87 · 23/02/2019 10:59

Aww your poor daughter. I feel like crying for her.
You did the best thing by saving your daughter from further hurt and upset.

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