What's in your Room 101?

[tulippa]

Sorry if this has been done before but I sometimes think about what I would put in Room 101 if I was ever on the programme. After much deliberating, I have narrowed it down to:

1. Other People at Petrol Stations. Yes I get not everyone wants to use pay at pump or stretch the hose round to the other side of their car but what DO people do when they enter the shop when there's a massive queue of cars waiting to fill up? Fall into an abyss trying to reach the Maltesers that takes them 15 minutes to haul themselves out of? See also Other People at Cash Machines.

1. Baby Showers. Just really sexist and weird. Why aren't men allowed to celebrate the imminent arrival of your baby? Why perpetuate the idea that child rearing is for women only and that's before you get on to the grabbiness (might be reading too much into this here).

1. I know this one is irrational but crockery and containers that tell you what to put in them. You know like caddies that come in sets of three with tea, coffee and sugar written on them. I don't want to be bossed around by inanimate objects - I will choose what I put in my containers thank you! See also ceramic words some place around their house - LOVE in the living room, RELAX in the bathroom.

What would you put in your Room 101?

Can I put my miserable husband in there please? 😂😂😂

Grey jogging bottoms and horror of horrors a grey hoodie worn as a combo. Wear them in public and you've either given up on life or you've just come out of prison.

This ^
Especially when it’s men, and they stand there constantly scratching their bollocks/pubic hair.

Yes! So tempted to get one saying Fuck for the bedroom.

People who park in yellow chevron boxes in a huge fuck off shiny car and get out to buy some tissues or a mars bar,

People who wear dark glasses in dark glasses on dark days and almost run people over.

Jacob Rees Mogg

Kim Kardashians rubbery big arse

Rubbery big arses-fashion

The Independent Breakaway Hypocrites who mutter racist comments after complaining about racism

Arrogant men ( sorry I am truly allergic, it's my age)

Cosmetic vloggers

Deformed Instagram cats and you are meant to say oh that one eyed cat is so brave but you feel just awful

Videos that look like someone is crafting but they just fill a condom full of jelly and catapult it into a field.

Instagram, really.

Chewing gum!!!

1. Irresponsible dog owners who leave them off lead, running around without even an eye on them. My little dog gets nervous, especially after some of these situations have escalated, and you need to keep your dog under control.

1. Same as the above but when they're off lead ON THE ROADSIDE. WHY?! I saw a poor dog wander into the road and nearly get hit by a car while his owner was oblivious.

1. People who think they're 'so much better' than everyone else just because they don't watch TV

1. Jeremy Corbyn and his cult - they're ruining the Labour party

So, so many of mine have already been mentioned so I'll try to keep the list brief

Baby on board stickers - why? They have no purpose. The urban myth about them helping emergency services during a car crash is just that - a myth. They aren't going to deter anyone driving like a cunt behind you as either they are driving like a cunt because they are a cunt and thus don't care or they have no idea how cuntish their driving is, in which case they'll just carry on doing it.

'Loud' people in small shops who insist on having a conversation with the shop keeper about something or other but who keep looking round at everyone else waiting to be served, in an attempt to get them to join in/agree with them. Just Fuck Off. I couldn't give a shit about whether you've got enough sausages for your BBQ.

Bull Terriers - they annoy me because they are ugly with heads that look like eggs.

@LindaLaLa I haven’t forgiven John Lennon for his mockery of people with special needs. Self absorbed smug twat.

Curtains - and all the rail, rod, pelmet, hooks crap that goes with them
Cyclists
sniffers

Men who wear jogging bottoms without anything supportive underneath. It looks as though they've shoplifted half a pound of walnuts.

Backyard breeders. Specifically the one responsible for my little rescue who'd had a litter before she was one year old by her own father.

Kids in supermarkets on scooters. I like my ankles just the way they are, thanks.

Drivers who drive right up onto your rear bumper and flash their headlights when you're halfway past a long vehicle. What do you expect me to do? Levitate?

Kate vs Meghan “who wore it better” etc - who gives a monkey’s?

Baby showers - give me strength.

Gender reveal parties - apparently these have crept into the UK like SAS ninjas. (I had to laugh when a group of Christian type women I know had a big discussion about these being “coming out” parties!!)

Celebrity awards. Excuse me, but the rest of us put in a longer week with fewer manicures and our annual staff reviews don’t involve long frocks and phoney surprised looks.

Celebrities on Saturday Kitchen or in James Martin’s kitchen. Who the feck are you?

Lottery zillionaires who don’t give up their jobs. Get a hobby and let somebody else earn minimum wage while claiming £2k childcare allowance with astrix.

Wine offers “2 for £15” - seriously? Your offer fools nobody (who buys £6 bottles).

Inbred designer dogs that can't breathe or walk properly
Kale
Buskers with microphone and backing tracks.

People eating in the cinema. Most of the way through the film you hear rustling which gets right on my tits!