What's in your Room 101?

[tulippa]

Sorry if this has been done before but I sometimes think about what I would put in Room 101 if I was ever on the programme. After much deliberating, I have narrowed it down to:

1. Other People at Petrol Stations. Yes I get not everyone wants to use pay at pump or stretch the hose round to the other side of their car but what DO people do when they enter the shop when there's a massive queue of cars waiting to fill up? Fall into an abyss trying to reach the Maltesers that takes them 15 minutes to haul themselves out of? See also Other People at Cash Machines.

1. Baby Showers. Just really sexist and weird. Why aren't men allowed to celebrate the imminent arrival of your baby? Why perpetuate the idea that child rearing is for women only and that's before you get on to the grabbiness (might be reading too much into this here).

1. I know this one is irrational but crockery and containers that tell you what to put in them. You know like caddies that come in sets of three with tea, coffee and sugar written on them. I don't want to be bossed around by inanimate objects - I will choose what I put in my containers thank you! See also ceramic words some place around their house - LOVE in the living room, RELAX in the bathroom.

What would you put in your Room 101?

stealth sultana - totally agree.

Pan pipes

Football match noises and post match interviews - what’s the bloody point, we all just saw what happened.

Coffee - disingenuous bastard, smells like heaven tastes like crap

Adverts - almost longer than the programme on Sky etc

‘Female’ adverts - continual pounding on women to be perfect, no wrinkles, no hair etc, flawless skin all under the guise of giving us power

Brexit

Nigel Farage - utter wankbadger

Sniffers

I'm not a very tolerant person hence my list:

Coughers
Sniffers
Endless nose blowing
Whistlers
Middle lane drivers
Cyclists
Bus drivers
Fiddlers - just fucking keep still
Most reality tv
Drivers who go 10mph below speed limit
Non indicators

1. The Beatles and anyone associated with them.

Not gods of music just twats.

1. Celebs who are obviously the first people ever to have children.

1. Blokes who "take the wife" supermarket shopping then stand at the end of every isle, blocking the way and getting offended if you need to get past.

People who don't know what to do at a mini roundabout, it's give way to the right you idiot! 😡

Ditto picking up dog shit, and hanging bags of dog shit in trees etc. Just why? You've picked the shit up, now take it to the bin ffs!!

Pavement parking and blocking the road ( I live in a cul de sac) and no, you can't have 5 cars and expect to park them where you like. Learn the Highway Code!!

You've all reminded me of so many I'd forgotten! Definitely agree with stealth sultanas and pavement cyclists.

Have recently become increasingly annoyed at kids scooting round shops/indoors. Since when was that allowed?

1.All scripted reality “stars”. Everyone of them, if you lined them up in front of me while I had a machine gun, I could not be responsible for my actions.

1. People who call their daughter “Princess.” I’d hope you wanted her to be a useful human being.
2. People with a tiny house and a massive porsche/range rover/jaguar outside. Tiny penis and poor sense of priority.
3. People who think Boris Johnson and Jacob Rees Mogg make sense. Really? Two trust fund boys who have no idea what a days work is and talk about the man in the street like they know anything about our experience other than what they overheard when the servants were chatting.
4. People who say it’s “designer.” So you paid a massively over inflated price for something that was probably made in the same sweat shop as Tesco’s Own Brand.
5. Simon Cowell. Because he’s simon cowell.
6. Donald Trump. Because it’s compulsory.
7. Plane journeys. Hate checking in seven years before the plane takes off to hang around in a barn full of “Designer” duty free gear that you can get cheaper in boots on the high street. Hate the cramped feeling on the plane. Hate the twats who insist on wearing shorts even though it’s minus 5 outside cos they are on their holly bobs. Hate the queue for the luggage, airport transfer and redo the whole thing again a week/10 days later. Love the holiday though.
8. Snow boarders sitting on the slopes.

10. Middle aged men with embarrassingly young girlfriends. 11. Mondays. 12. People who say street beggars who are going home to four bed mansions at the end of the day. 13. People who famously walked into a pub in Wales where everybody immediately switched from speaking English to speaking Welsh. Did it happen to you in france as well you muppet? Is it cos you’re so important?

Oh god, I think I have a problem.

Female’ adverts - continual pounding on women to be perfect, no wrinkles, no hair etc, flawless skin all under the guise of giving us power hmm

Can I add itchy vagina adverts to ^^

1. Baby showers/gender reveal parties - tacky, chavvy and grabby
2. People who vape - I do not want to walk through a rancid sickly cloud of fake strawberry lace vapour to get somewhere
3. People who let their feral children scream/shout/fight/run wild on the bus
4. People asking if you have babies and if not, when you are going to have them - it's ignorant and offensive and makes you look like a nosy twat
5. Girls that wear cheap almost see through leggings as pants with their knickers/thong on show for all to see
6. Any breed of bulldog/pug dog - they are not cute, they snort because they can't breathe properly, they are grossly deformed and it's cruel
7. Backyard breeders who use their pets as money makers - selling mongrel puppies or sickly too young kittens for extortionate prices
8. People who talk to babies in a horrid cutesy voice
9. The Royal Family

10. Rowdy, chavvy hen parties 11. People who drag dogs round city centres - the poor dogs I've seen always look terrified 12. People who go on their phones in the cinema 13. People who don't sit on their allocated seat when the cinema is packed so people have to start shuffling about and playing musical fucking chairs while the film is starting 14. Jeremy Corbyn

I have a lot of pet hates

Constant round of knuckle cracking from the people all around me at the moment, please stop.

People who answer a call who then say "can't talk now, I'm in a meeting" don't answer the bloody phone in the first place then

Cold.

"People with a tiny house and a massive porsche/range rover/jaguar outside. Tiny penis and poor sense of priority."

So you've got to prioritise buying a bigger house than you need, which might be unaffordable anyway. Rather than, in the case of a range rover, buy a vehicle that suits your hobby, which you can afford because you haven't bowed to peer pressure and gone for a" "show house"?

1. Whistling, especially if it's so bad you can't even tell what the tune is
2. Litter (especially my neighbours who dump food waste at a neighbouring path so the dog tries to eat it)
3. People who don't pick up their dog's poo
4. People who use would of instead of would've or mix up their/they're, your/you're
5. Pigeons
6. People who talk over films

Instagram, Facebook etc, etc, etc

Drivers who drive 40mph through a 30 then when the road changes to 60, stay at 40

Pandora bracelets!! A friend has three on her arm! They aren’t special and unique every fucker and their dog has one. It’s the perfect gift for lazy males. Your husband hasn’t thought about each and every charm he’s got you. He’s just gone in the shop and picked anything up. My Dh is desperate to buy me one as he said he would never have to think about buying me anything else again!

Vaping - I thought the car in front of me was on fire earlier as there was that much smoke coming out.

Instagrammers who wear joules and tweed and then go on to buy a fucking spaniel because it looks good with their hunter fucking wellies. They then complain about how much fucking exercise a working fucking dog needs. Do some fucking research before you buy a fucking living animal for Instagram likes!

I think I may need to stop now

Cats that shit in my garden. There's more that put in room 101, but having to negotiate the shit while putting my washing, this is all that springs to mind.

1. Rats

2 Reality TV shows. 3 Anyone who doesn't say thank you when I hold a door for them.

Nick Knowles. If you looked up the dictionary definition of sleaze. It would be his picture.

1. Donald Trump. No-one that unintelligent and with that size of ego should be given that much power. His tweet about global warming during the recent bad weather in the US tells us everything we need to know about him: "Wouldn’t be bad to have a little of that good old fashioned Global Warming right now!”

2. Brexit and everyone who promoted it/voted for it. And everyone who is stubbornly clinging on to the idea that it is a Good Thing for the UK. I think I just have a thing against stupidity really...

3. The whole fucking trans debate and the insanity it has bred, people literally trying to deny science in order to make sure the god of political correctness is not offended in any way.

I don't want to be bossed around by inanimate objects - I will choose what I put in my containers thank you!

Totally agree! (Though it does mean that I end up violently pushing doors marked "Pull" because there's no sodding lump of wood telling ME what to do!)

Also

1. Jam on meat - cranberry sauce, apple sauce etc do not belong on the Flesh of Beasts

2. People who don't pick up after their dogs. If I can successfully keep an eye on 3, they can bliddy clean up after one!

3. AND Cat Owners, who are very Holier-than-Thou about their darling pets not defecating in the street. That's because they either sh*t in the house, or in other people's gardens. I accept it is Nature's Way - I don't have a problem with it. I just don't like them pretending that Tibbles has some sort of Golden Hole that never craps.

4. People who hold Very Loud Discussions in public places, then complain that folks are listening to their private conversation. NO WE AREN"T - WE ARE HAVING YOUR BORING LIVES FORCED UPON US!!!!!

5. People who eat with their mouths open (unless there is a medical reason for their doing so) or talk with their mouths full. It's vile!

6. People who say "Cheer up! It might never happen!" - does it never occur to them that perhaps it HAS happened, and that's why you're sitting there on the point of tears?

7. Instagrammers who wear joules and tweed and then go on to buy a fucking spaniel because it looks good with their hunter fucking wellies. They then complain about how much fucking exercise a working fucking dog needs. Do some fucking research before you buy a fucking living animal for Instagram likes!

Contour make-up .. well really any of the slapped on stuff currently in fashion

Similarly slug eyebrows

Drivers of white Corsas

The stupid little bows on everyday bras and knickers

Elderly drivers who wear their flat caps inside their car (and their companions who also wear their hats 'inside')

Daniel O'Donnell

Little Mix

Ellie Goulding

Beetroot

Oh that feels sooooooo good 😃

Dogs wearing coats and jumpers ... they have fur ffs

1. Sunday early closing hours.
2. Baby showers
3. Chopped raw onion on salads in cafes.
4. Facebook.

Cling Film - despite the mn trick of the end tabs, it still doesn’t work for me

Forget the tags, throw the box and put it in the fridge.

1. Brexit

2. faith Schools

3. Trans insanity - apparently software that recognises faces is 'transphobic'

4. Men's violence, particularly towards women and girls

5. Jacob Rees Mogg, BOJO, May et al

6. privatisation of the NHS