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Original poster

My baby having a baby at 15

155 replies

Kri5te1 · 18/02/2019 20:50

OK so this is my first thread here, my baby who is 15 is pregnant, OK this is not the first teenage pregnancy I have had to deal with, I was 16 when fell pregnant with my first, then she fell pregnant too at 16, but this is my baby I'll always support my kids but this one hurt, things will be hard for her and she won't get much financial help as me and her dad both work full time, and there was me thinking I may be able to cut down on overtime hahaha.

OP posts:
immortalmarble · 19/02/2019 14:30

Actually, my mother didn’t. She just has a made your bed now lie in it attitude.

BreakYourselfAgainstMyStones · 19/02/2019 14:45

I had a baby as a teen, I stayed with the father and had more, it was a shit relationship and I got myself out of it.

I worked hard and got a degree, but the reality is, because of child care etc I'm stuck in a dead end job, no chance of moving forward for the foreseeable future, I have a small business too but I can't move that forward because I need the regular money from my job.

It isn't a glamerous life and I would have likely made different choices had I known how it would all pan out, but I do ok, am happy and my dc are happy too.

I didn't have family support though so hopefully things may work out differently for your dd.

Flowers all you can do is support her, whatever she decides.

staydazzling · 19/02/2019 14:46

Was this meant to be a supportive thread?hmm
quite,kinghenryscodpiece....Hmm im sure the OP knows all too well the pros and cons, as do ppl like me, its interesting how neutral posts like mine are largely ignored, just back on the fear monger wagon. and fwiw, back in 2009 i was certainly never offered a bloody council house!

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
EntirelyAnonymised · 19/02/2019 15:02

...tried to get them to be more careful than I was, what do u want me to do follow them round with chastity belts???

You could have got them on effective contraception, OP. It’s free, widely available,

EntirelyAnonymised · 19/02/2019 15:05

(Posted before I meant to)

... and safe to use (in the majority of cases).

Having a chat and crossing your fingers that they won’t become sexually active is a bit naive. Especially after your first DD’s unplanned pregnancy and your own experience.

BreakYourselfAgainstMyStones · 19/02/2019 15:06

What's the point in telling op all the things she could have done?

She clearly wants a bit of support, not a retrospective view of what should have happened.

Jojoevans · 19/02/2019 15:08

it’s happened but it does and it won’t be easy for her or you but you will cope as best you can what more can anyone do

staydazzling · 19/02/2019 15:10

eerr what on earth happened to personal responsibility??? i certainly never blamed my mum.

Flamingosnbears · 19/02/2019 15:21

Some of these comments are disgusting poor op all she wanted to do was get some supportive feedback you all need a reality check.
Op your going to be fine you have the experience to guide her through the tough times.

EntirelyAnonymised · 19/02/2019 15:22

BreakYourself, the OP seems to have no understanding of what she might have done to help to prevent it. Maybe someone else reading this is similarly lackadaisical and could do with a bit of a wake up call?

clairestandish · 19/02/2019 15:35

Technically a teen parent will be past needing childcare and the restraints of young children by the time they reach 30.

That’s assuming they don’t continue having more babies though, the teen parents I know who did really well and reaped the rewards of getting more freedom and flexibility back by their late 20s/early 30s were the ones who stuck with the one child. I think there’s the danger that some teen parents get stuck in their situation and struggle to see what life offers beyond the narrow set-up of having children and just continue to have babies when they are older.

BusterGonad · 19/02/2019 15:54

I love the posters blaming the school sex education system, surely most teenagers know that unprotected sex = pregnancy??? Also how about parents actually talk to their kids and educate them themselves.

Contraceptionismyfriend · 19/02/2019 16:39

@erja just out of curiosity if you had cut your mum out of the situation for suggesting an abortion.

How would you have housed yourself and your child, paid for food, rent, nappies, childcare etc?

I absolutely do believe that in the event of teen pregnancy the adult who will be doing all the hard work absolutely should get a voice.

erja · 19/02/2019 16:45

@Contraceptionismyfriend my mum certainly didn't do all the hard work!
I paid for all food, nappies, everything my child needed, I worked my ass off for it.
Honestly, I would've worked something out in the somewhere to live (as I did when I was 17), but it's out of the question as my point was my mum would've never pushed an abortion on me, and I don't think any parent should. Making them 'aware' of their options (which she 99% already will be) is different to pushingly suggesting an abortion so her 'life will be better'.
Just my point!

Like I stated as well, I understand the situation is different if OP's DD is still in education so the OP will inevitably have more responsibility but her DD still needs a lot of support (as does the OP so some of the nasty comments on the thread weren't needed).

Ella1980 · 19/02/2019 16:49

I do agree that the term "fall" pregnant is a bit of a misnomer.

SouthernComforts · 19/02/2019 16:51

Clairestandish- that's exactly my situation. Dd will be in high school when I'm 30, my degree will be complete and I should have finished my AAT level 4. That's when I'm hoping I can really push forward in my career, and I can't wait to see what next 10 years has in store for me and dd Smile

Bluesmartiesarebest · 19/02/2019 16:55

@erja who looked after your baby when you were working? How did you afford to pay for childcare?

erja · 19/02/2019 16:57

@Bluesmartiesarebest worked my whole pregnancy so I qualified for maternity allowance to cover me for 9 months and then went back to work when I moved out and DS goes to nursery. Stayed with DP.

mydogisthebest · 19/02/2019 16:57

ReaganSomerset, having 3 children in an already overpopulated world can hardly be called an achievement can it?

At 25 she may well go on to have more especially as all 3 apparently were "accidents"

outpinked · 19/02/2019 16:58

I had my DC young but, like you, still went on to get a degree and subsequent career. It doesn’t have to hold you back, it just makes life that bit more difficult. I did find my DC a huge inspiration and motivation to do better in life, it works out that way for some people and I hope it does for your DD.

I can’t lie, I would be mightily disappointed if my DD’s got pregnant in their teens but it’s not the end of the world. It’s obviously far preferable to them being seriously sick, addicted to drugs etc.

Bluesmartiesarebest · 19/02/2019 16:59

@erja you’ve done well and I respect you and your DP for that.

erja · 19/02/2019 17:00

@Bluesmartiesarebest thank you Thanks

Weedinosaurus · 19/02/2019 17:09

I’m with those saying that having a baby is definitely not the worst thing.
I’ve had a very ‘conventional’ life and followed what society largely expects / School, uni, job, marriage, children. I’m happy. It’s suited me. BUT societys’ expectation doesn’t suit everyone. Does a person have to travel/have a great career to have had a good life? Can it not be enough to just have people you live and live an ‘ordinary’ life? If your daughter is happy with having a baby then roll with it. Help make it the best experience it can be.

All the best to you and your family 😊

BabyMammy2001 · 19/02/2019 17:17

Im 17 and had my DS in December, the Teenage Pregnancy MW were very helpful in offering vouchers for vitamins, baby milk ect. As she is under 18 you are able to apply for a maternity grant which can help her get the (expensive) essentials for herself and baby.

evaperonspoodle · 19/02/2019 17:44

What's the earliest that someone (a woman) can apply for benefits? It is my understanding that you must be 16 and if you stay in school FT you cannot receive anything other than CB, is this true?