Would you leave a nearly 15 yr old overnight?

[surlycurly]

DD is a very mature 14 (15 in April). She is supposed to go to her dad's this weekend and he's told her not to come as she doesn't get on with her new step mum. It's a difficult one as DD can be a pita but I don't think she's at fault in this one. However, I have plans that may involve staying out overnight. She's adamant she could stay here alone and not tell anyone (I believe her) but obviously I'd have rather that she had been older. I just don't see how I can force her to go to her dad's but selfishly I don't want to have to cancel my plans yet again because of my ex. WWYD?

OP I don't care if your sister is over, your dumping your DD to go on a night out because it sounds to me like your proving a point to your ex. Your kids come first. But hey go on your night out at your daughters expense!

No. I don't think you will relax. I know my DS of the same age would not be happy if I suggested it to him.

Haven't RTWT but no I wouldn't and I don't know anyone who does either.

I don't think it's fair for people to suggest you're a bad mum. Your ex is really letting your DD and you down but I still wouldn't leave my DD alone at that age. It's such a shame for you to have to cancel again but DD comes first.

No, I wouldn't. Not because I don't trust my teenagers, but because unforeseen things can happen which are beyond their control. Someone was violently murdered across the street from my house a few nights ago. Police everywhere, going door to door asking questions, press all over the place. It would be terrifying for a young teen left alone.

Not worth it for a night out in my opinion. But what the bloody hell is her father playing at?!?

You could leave her and she'd probably be fine but I don't think that means you should. Can't you go back to her dad and explain?

My ds is 14 and I wouldn't leave him overnight. Not even with my other ds who is 18 but that's just me.

he's told her not to come as she doesn't get on with her new step mum

It's this that should be being addressed imo. How fucking dare he?

No definitely not.

I don't think I could live with myself if something happened. I have changed my plans. Again. And to those of you that are trying to assert that I'm a shit parent for considering it then please do remember that there isn't a law about this because it does depend on the kid and on the circumstances. I have changed plans literally hundreds of times over the years because of this man. I always go the extra mile for my kids. And no disrespect but if you're raising kids with a supportive partner then you're not dealing with the same circumstances as me. Parenting can be relentless, but parenting alone can be beyond exhausting. My autism also makes it really hard to never get a break from the responsibility I have. I go to the point that I can but sometimes can't find the extra. I also struggle with changes so this is absolutely the worst situation I can find myself in. And I miss my sister. I just wanted to spend some time with her. But my daughter will always come first. Thank you for your feedback.

Yes inter. I think they are.

No. Dd is same age and though she also seems mature she's still only 14.

Blimey @Interceptor999 that was unnecessarily harsh ffs

Absolutely not. She needs someone there with her.

No, absolutely not. My DCs come first.

My DD is 17 next month and I would not feel comfortable leaving her overnight. We dont have direct neighbours and are rural. She would not feel happy neither.

At a younger age I was babysitting into the early hours for my younger siblings.

At 15 I was babysitting until sometimes 5am for other families.

But they were both in very safe areas (military camps) with lots of neighbour support if needed.

I was a very responsible child. Some of the other babysitters were less responsible.

No. I wouldn't.

Yes.

I totally get it OP, it's bloody hard and it's us single mums that have to make the sacrifice every bloody time.

I raised my 2 with no bloody help at all. I was always scared that something would happen to me, like I'd fall and bash my head or fall down the stairs and break my neck, and no one would realise for days or even weeks so I explained to them from a very early age what to do if it ever happened. How to get out safely and where to go for help, which is why I think I was able to leave my DD and her friend overnight at 14, because she'd had safety drummed into her since she could walk.

Hang on in there, it won't be long now till you can leave her without worrying all night.

I wouldn't even consider it, especially when there are alternatives that aren't a huge change to your plans. Go out with your sister locally and she can stay with you overnight. Dont let your waste of space ex and having to change your plans regularly because of him cloud your judgement on parenting.

Havent RTFT as it doesn't matter what anyone thinks... its your daughter you know her and if you think she is ok to be left alone then do it. I would leave my 14 yo as she sounds similar to yours.. my bf would not leave her 14yo as she would have a party, invite the school and booze. Take care op.. you are a great mum.

Nearly 15 and sensible then yes I would, but only if there are neighbours or someone else close by who could help in an emergency or if she can get you right away on the phone.

I've left my teens alone from that age (DH has a fluctuating medical condition that sometimes results in hospitalisations and I have to travel regularly for work) and it's always been fine.

However a while ago I did have one of those "wake up calls" which showed me that even sensible teens don't always have the same reflexes as adults. There was a massive gas leak just outside our house and DD - sensible, mature, 16 - had no idea what the loud hissing noise was. Good thing I was there to get us all out.

(Although in DD's defence our neighbours - sensible working adults with 4 young kids - didn't evacuate either until required to do so by the fire brigade! And town gas isn't the norm where we live so people seem to have much less gas safety awareness).

Once your DD turns 16/17 this will no longer be an issue and you can have loads of nights away. Until then I really think you have to make the sacrifice and not leave her.

I’m honestly astonished at how many people think it’s okay to leave. 14 year old alone overnight. She’s a child. It doesn’t matter how respinsible she is, it’s absolutely inappropriate.