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Original poster

Would you leave a nearly 15 yr old overnight?

150 replies

surlycurly · 15/02/2019 07:09

DD is a very mature 14 (15 in April). She is supposed to go to her dad's this weekend and he's told her not to come as she doesn't get on with her new step mum. It's a difficult one as DD can be a pita but I don't think she's at fault in this one. However, I have plans that may involve staying out overnight. She's adamant she could stay here alone and not tell anyone (I believe her) but obviously I'd have rather that she had been older. I just don't see how I can force her to go to her dad's but selfishly I don't want to have to cancel my plans yet again because of my ex. WWYD?

OP posts:
anniehm · 15/02/2019 07:51

Can she not stay with a friend? Saves you worrying

EvaHarknessRose · 15/02/2019 08:09

No. It might leave you in a situation of looking pretty neglectful, even if you are not in fact. I’m sorry your plans got spoilt. Its pretty rejecting of her Dad and she might need more from you to compensate.

Sweepingcalamity · 15/02/2019 08:12

Nope. I would be arranging for her to go and sleep over at a friend's house whose parents you know.

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TheInvestigator · 15/02/2019 08:15

No wonder the younger generations are such entitled babies. Look how many people are terrified of leaving perfectly capable 15 year olds alone for one night.

Are you not raising them to cook for themselves, clean up, be responsible and look after themselves?

Leaving a 15 year old (or almost 15 year old) alone for one night is not neglect. In a year, they can get married! They should be able to spend a night alone and if they aren't able too, then it's time to start remember they are growing up and start teaching them how to manage on their own.

PandaG · 15/02/2019 08:15

No I wouldn't! 16 yes, 14 no.

Bryjam · 15/02/2019 08:15

Change your plans. It's bad enough that her father has let her down, please be there for her.

pinkhorse · 15/02/2019 08:18

No way. Don't nspcc guidelines suggest you shouldn't leave under 16s overnight?

Thesnobbymiddleclassone · 15/02/2019 08:19

No way and I'd be telling her dad he can't just drop her becuase she and sm have issues.

rookiemere · 15/02/2019 08:20

gov.uk says you shouldn't leave an under 16 overnight alone.

YogaWannabe · 15/02/2019 08:22

Without hesitation!

LemonBreeland · 15/02/2019 08:24

I wouldn't because guidance says under 16s should not be left alone overnight.

LemonBreeland · 15/02/2019 08:24

Also, her Dad is a dick!

Bryjam · 15/02/2019 08:26

I think people are missing the bigger issue here. This isn't about whether or not the 14yo would be ok, this is about her being let down by not one, but both parents.

OP I understand you don't want to cancel your plans due to your ex, but ultimately you need to step up and be around for your DD.

It will be hard enough for her being let down once, but for you to 'selfishly' carry on? That's just as bad. You may think you are sticking to your plans because your ex shouldn't be allowed to fuck them up, but what you are actually doing is putting you before her, just as he has done.

legolimb · 15/02/2019 08:27

Yes I would.

If you think she is capapble and confident on her own.

And if she WANTS to.

14 can be quite grown up and mature, or totally useless and childlike.

Although her DF is not dealing with the situation very well at all - he needs to think clearly about what message he is sending.

Taffeta · 15/02/2019 08:28

No I wouldn't. I agree it does depend on the child and what they are comfortable with but do remember they are a child, even if they think they're not. Grin

We regularly leave my very independent 15 year old DS for a few hours day or night, but I'd not contemplate leaving him alone overnight, even if he was comfortable with it.

Original poster
surlycurly · 15/02/2019 08:29

Very mixed bag here! I'm just not sure

OP posts:
Original poster
surlycurly · 15/02/2019 08:31

I think the majority is no. Clearly I have concerns. Maybe I'll need to cancel things again. Her friends aren't around this weekend

OP posts:
Donnadon346 · 15/02/2019 08:33

You know your own child and if they are ready - personally I left my 14 year old a couple of weeks ago on her own overnight on her insistence, I was back early in the morning and stayed in contact during the evening. I wasn't far away so could get back quickly if needed. It's your call

JRMisOdious · 15/02/2019 08:35

No, I wouldn’t. Though the law’s a bit hazy on this one, Gov. UK and NSPCC both say children under 16 shouldn’t be left alone overnight so apart from personally worrying how she’d cope in an unforeseen emergency, you could find yourself in hot water if anything untoward happened. As you say she is mature for her age, she may be saying she’s fine with being alone because she feels bad about you having to change your plans. Or she might just want to party 😁
Friend or relative or you’ll have to change your plans.

Zampa · 15/02/2019 08:38

I'd be telling her dad he can't just drop her because she and sm have issues

This. The SM should be going away and DD going to her Dad's.

Seeline · 15/02/2019 08:43

I think the problem with 14yos is that whilst they may seem responsible and grown up most of the time, they can easily have a rain fart moment and do something quite ridiculous which seems perfectly sensible to them.
I say this as the owner of a 14 yo and 17yo (who is still prone to brain farts!)
I wouldn't leave my 14yo overnight.

WinterWife · 15/02/2019 08:45

I was left alone for a week at her age although my dad only lived 2 streets away incase of emergency and my friend came to stay with me.
That said I was a very sensible 14/15 year old in regards to cooking, cleaning and school work.
Only you know our daughter and I agree with PP about her dad. He shouldn't be dropping his daughter over SM.

Oblomov19 · 15/02/2019 08:49

Tricky. Ds1 wouldn't care. He'd probably like it. Incredibly mature. Ds2 not a chance.

The guidelines are only guidelines. Not law. I normally work out what worse case scenario is. If you can deal with that, then it's ok.

But I feel you've already decided now?

RedTartanLass · 15/02/2019 08:58

Funnily enough I left my DA(15) alone for a night last weekend for the first time. He loved it!
So a def yes from me!

Desmondo2016 · 15/02/2019 08:59

I do when we're both on shift. One of us will be in by 4am normally. He's fine. I do let the neighbour know hes in there tho and he could call her if he needed to.

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