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Original poster

Would you leave a nearly 15 yr old overnight?

150 replies

surlycurly · 15/02/2019 07:09

DD is a very mature 14 (15 in April). She is supposed to go to her dad's this weekend and he's told her not to come as she doesn't get on with her new step mum. It's a difficult one as DD can be a pita but I don't think she's at fault in this one. However, I have plans that may involve staying out overnight. She's adamant she could stay here alone and not tell anyone (I believe her) but obviously I'd have rather that she had been older. I just don't see how I can force her to go to her dad's but selfishly I don't want to have to cancel my plans yet again because of my ex. WWYD?

OP posts:
HandsOffMyRights · 15/02/2019 12:32

No.
My neighbours were burgled in the early hours recently. A gang of four lads. Neigbours were all asleep.

It's just not worth the risk.

Thatsnotmyotter · 15/02/2019 12:36

I don’t see a problem with this. My parents definitely would have left me at that age. I was certainly out camping without adult supervision younger than that (and I’m talking about the 00s, not the 70s!). As long as there is an adult she can call and who would be able to get to her reasonably quickly in an emergency, what’s the issue?

NewName54321 · 15/02/2019 12:39

OP, if you, knowing your DD - how sensible, capable and confident she is - and the area where you live, are saying, '"I don't know", then you are clearly not 100% happy about doing this, so don't do it.

Couldn’t your sister come to you and you both go out for the evening, but then (both) come home overnight?

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FruitCider · 15/02/2019 12:43

No, NSPCC advises not leaving 16 year olds overnight.

Elfinablender · 15/02/2019 12:47

In principle, I don't see a problem with a sensible, mature 15yo being left alone overnight, so long as you are not to far away you can be home if there is a problem.

I do think I'd be reluctant to leave in this particular situation where your dd is left alone overnight because her df has rejected her in favour of his partner.

HeyArthur · 15/02/2019 12:48

Why can't your sister come to you? Surely she would want to see her niece too?

theharlotletter · 15/02/2019 12:49

Both you and your ex sound rather selfish if you ask me.

pilates · 15/02/2019 12:52

^
Agree

pilates · 15/02/2019 12:53

I was agreeing with HeyArthur

KaleidoscopeEyes · 15/02/2019 13:09

harlot wtf is OP being selfish??

KaleidoscopeEyes · 15/02/2019 13:10

I do agree that sister should come to you instead though. It would make things much easier all round. This isn't your fault OP, and you are allowed time off. It's your fucker of an ex that's at fault, not you.

Bluntness100 · 15/02/2019 13:20

I don't think anyone can judge if the op is being selfish or not, it would depend on how often this situation has occurred, and what she's planning to do on the overnight trip.

For example first time she's had to consider cancelling , and she's planning a shagfest, possibly selfish. Multiple times she's had to cancel and she's going to see a long awaited show, not selfish. And then there is everything in between.

Original poster
surlycurly · 15/02/2019 14:02

I'm booked to go to a different city for the night with my sister. Not a shag fest at all. I've cancelled two dates this week to meet my kids needs. I always do. But on this occasion I'm not sure if I have to yet again lose out or if my daughter could be left. Thanks for the support

OP posts:
OneStepMoreFun · 15/02/2019 14:09

I wouldn't, but I definitely wouldn't judge someone who does. At 14 a normal child should be perfectly capable of looking after themselves, they just may not like it that much. Or they may throw a party that got out of hand. I'd see if they could fix to have a sleepover with a friend or neighbour, or at least invte a couple of friends over to their for a sleepover (as long as parents didn't mind them being unsupervised.) And I'd leave money for a take-away or food ready made for them.

TopBitchoftheWitches · 15/02/2019 14:12

No. I have a 14 yr old dd and a 15 yr old dd. I wouldn't leave them alone overnight.

You need to change your plans.

PhilomenaButterfly · 15/02/2019 14:14

DD's 11. If she can get over her fear of hot things and learn how to cook (she also thinks the inside of the microwave is hot), Hmm then I'll be happy to leave her at nearly 15.

oreoxoreo · 15/02/2019 15:04

I would unless they are not sensible. Children need to learn independence, and especially as mobile phone are there!

Pinkprincess1978 · 15/02/2019 15:25

I stayed home on a weekend by myself (this was 25 years ago mind). I think if she has local support to call on would make me feel better about it.

Overseasmom100 · 15/02/2019 16:17

No.
She is a child/minor.
You are her parent with her in your care.
She needs to go to a family or a friends house if you wont change your plans.

EvaHarknessRose · 15/02/2019 16:23

We’re not saying its right or fair, OP. We’re saying if he is not going to step up, you will have to again, because not to might be neglectful or might be considered to be neglectful. One of you needs to be with her, or make other arrangements for her.

DoctorDread · 15/02/2019 16:25

I travelled across Europe with a friend at 15. But each child is different. Only you will know your child's capabilities. I probably would if you are confident in them.

Interceptor999 · 15/02/2019 16:50

She is still a child, only 14, either cancel your plans or take her with you. If anything was to happen you would be held accountable for it.

Interceptor999 · 15/02/2019 16:58

@Settlersofcatan sorry but I disagree. You have no idea how much stuff goes on after darkness falls. She is just 14 years old.

aliceandkids77 · 15/02/2019 16:59

I understand how you feel about not wanting to cancel plans, you have a life too and I don't think you should give that up for your ex (who is being incredibly selfish). If he really does not want to have her round for the night, ask your parents, siblings or friends if she can sleep round theirs for a night? I'm sure they'd all be happy too! good luck x

Interceptor999 · 15/02/2019 17:01

@Oblomov19 really? Risk of fires and burglary are small? Hmm

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