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Original poster

Would you leave a nearly 15 yr old overnight?

150 replies

surlycurly · 15/02/2019 07:09

DD is a very mature 14 (15 in April). She is supposed to go to her dad's this weekend and he's told her not to come as she doesn't get on with her new step mum. It's a difficult one as DD can be a pita but I don't think she's at fault in this one. However, I have plans that may involve staying out overnight. She's adamant she could stay here alone and not tell anyone (I believe her) but obviously I'd have rather that she had been older. I just don't see how I can force her to go to her dad's but selfishly I don't want to have to cancel my plans yet again because of my ex. WWYD?

OP posts:

Roomba · 15/02/2019 09:02

Hmm, I'd say no - but it depends on the child. I'd have been fine at that age (in fact my parents left me overnight due to emergency when I had just turned 15 once). My sister would have invited half her school round the second my parents left at 14. My DS is 13 and is very sensible, he'd probably be fine overnight but I'd worry about what if something went wrong too much. As others have said, even sensible teenagers have moments of total stupidity, or they make the mistake of telling friends they'll be alone and before you know it the police are attending and your house is trashed...

amusedbush · 15/02/2019 09:06

I was about 15 when my parents left me Friday - Monday while they visited my auntie two hours away. I was absolutely fine.

Mammajay · 15/02/2019 09:10

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Gooseygoosey12345 · 15/02/2019 09:10

Probably if she had siblings, I wouldn't leave her entirely on her own though. Have you got a friend who could stay at yours?
Her dad is a prick though. Putting his gf before his daughter

BWatchWatcher · 15/02/2019 09:13

If she is mature and can cope then yes.
You know your child.

MirandaWest · 15/02/2019 09:18

I have a 15 year old and a 13 year old. I think they would be fine overnight but I don’t think I’d do it if it could be avoided.
And in this situation where your DD has been told by her dad not to go then I would feel more aware that one parent has already rejected her.
Is the thing you’re doing easy to cancel or not?

Mmmhmmokdear · 15/02/2019 09:21

It depends on each child. Only you know if your DD is mature enough. I would have been fine at that age, but my brother would have been nowhere near mature enough for.

Mumstheword1987 · 15/02/2019 09:21

I wouldn't no change your plans.......

HalfBloodPrincess · 15/02/2019 09:21

I’m pretty lenient, have been leaving the dc alone in holidays/after work since they started secondary school, but I wouldn’t do overnights til 16.
I trust them and know they’d be ok (dd is 16 in October, ds is 14) but thinknid worry too much.
I’d probably leave them til 11pm/midnight though.

Pinkyyy · 15/02/2019 09:23

I wouldn't think twice about it. You know her best.

Babdoc · 15/02/2019 09:28

OP, many years ago I had to leave my 15 year old home alone for 3 nights while I was in Prague. I hadn’t planned to, but I hadn’t realised the Czech Republic doesn’t accept 15 year olds on a family passport, and she got refused check in at the U.K. airport.
I put her in a taxi home and she coped fine - I phoned her daily, she got the bus to the shops for some food, cooked her own meals, and even baked me a cake to welcome me home! I was very proud of her, and although I hadn’t planned it, it gave her a lot of confidence in her own coping skills. She went off camping alone to a LARP site 300 miles away that summer too, and had a great time.
You know your own child best. You need to decide when to cut the apron strings and allow some responsibility and self care - they are young adults and need to learn to cope. Too many cosseted little dears struggle terribly at uni, as they’ve never learned to cope without mummy.

Megan2018 · 15/02/2019 09:34

My parents did with me but I was completely fine - my brother on the other hand wasn't left until 16 as he wasn't nearly so sensible!

There was no way I'd have had a party or anything though - and my best friend lived next door but one and her parents were aware I was there on my own so were keeping an eye - I knew I could go there at any time if needed. So I think it does depend a lot on the context.

We also lived in a very naice little cul-de-sac of 9 houses where everyone knew everyone, and it was a very safe area. I think my Mum would have felt differently if we had lived somewhere less salubrious.

Settlersofcatan · 15/02/2019 09:37

I have never really understood why overnight is different from daytime. I would have thought it was more likely something would happen during the day!

Roomba · 15/02/2019 09:45

I agree with the poster which said it's a bit daft really to worry about a child who is soon able to marry, join the army, leave home etc and whom you've presumably (hopefully) been raising to be resilient and self sufficient.

But in reality, times and general attitudes have changed. So whereas my friends were frequently left home alone while their parents enjoyed their social life, went on holiday or were away caring for relatives, many people will scream neglect these days. I wouldn't do it even if my child seemed capable, because I know that if school or the neighbours got wind of it they'd be reporting it as a safeguarding issue. My son is 13 and has friends whose parents don't ever leave then in the house in their own, ever, and who drive them and pick them up from school, club and social events. One friend isn't even allowed into our v small town centre with his mates without his mother insisting on joining them 'just in case'!

Oblomov19 · 15/02/2019 10:13

Attitudes have changed. And when you think about that, it's actually quite odd. I can't quite reconcile that in my head.

In some ways we give them more freedom that before, than we ourselves got, and in other ways less. It's kinda weird.

Aprilshowersarecomingsoon · 15/02/2019 10:15

Last week we had a power cut. Not sure ds 15 would have been happy about that home alone!!
Dd 13 asked 'but is the WiFi still on?'!!

Sukochicha · 15/02/2019 10:18

I would as long as you are contactable, can get home if needed and she is happy.

Leave her a nice oven pizza or something like that for dinner.

At 14 she will just eat the pizza and stay up too late watching slightly inappropriate TV/Netflix and messaging friends on snap chat!

GemmaXOX · 15/02/2019 10:29

What! Why are people saying no!

its all about how independent your child is and how you brought them up.

My parents went away for a week when i was 14 had someone check up on me twice. left a fridge full of food and gave me some money in case i needed anything. They need to learn to be independent, At 14 I could wash clothes, Iron them, cook pretty decent meals, load the dishwasher, take the dog for walks alone, take bins out. When i met my partner at 18 he didn't know how to do anything, his parents never trusted him to do those kinds of things.

I'd call in half way through your night to check up on her and have a good night! She'll appreciate you for the independence your giving her.

frenchonion · 15/02/2019 10:33

My parents left me for a week at 15. Zero issues. Depends on what she's like, and if she's happy with the arrangement.

Iseethesilverlining · 15/02/2019 10:35

Yes, definitely. My DD14 is extremely mature, very sensible and very reliable. But I probably wouldn’t have left DS overnight at that age. You know your child; if she won’t be scared, won’t put herself at risk and knows what to do in an emergency, why wouldn’t you?

I look back to the summer I was 15, pre mobile phones or emails, when I flew off on my own to Spain to spend a month governessing for three children. I was in total charge all day every day! Again, wouldn’t work for every 15 yr old but it did for me.

Bryjam · 15/02/2019 10:36

What! Why are people saying no!

I explained why I said no.

Nothing to do with the ability of the 14yo to cope and everything to do with them being let down by one parent already. Being left alone through choice and agreement is not the same as being left alone because neither of your parents are fussed about being there for you.

Bluntness100 · 15/02/2019 10:38

Absolutely not. What happens in a power cut, burgularly, fire, and yes these things do tend to impact more at night and they happen at night all too often.

So no, I wouldn't leave a 14 year old alone over night.

Oblomov19 · 15/02/2019 10:43

Risk of burglary and fire are small.

If powercut, Ds1 would call me. What's the difference if it's st night? He'd call : If I was at work during the day. I'd be calm. What can you do? Very little. Is it a drama? Hardly.
And realistically you can't do anything anyway. He'd be more hacked off at no WiFi if that happened.

BigDamnHero · 15/02/2019 10:47

I was a couple of weeks off turning 14 when my mum went into labour with my youngest sister one evening. She and my dad went to hospital and I was left overnight to look after my brother (11ish at the time) and my other sister (not quite 2 at the time).

I was fine and it would have seemed really weird and complete overkill for my parents to have got a babysitter.

I was always a very mature child, though, and we lived in a safe, rural house with trusted naighbours.

RoseMartha · 15/02/2019 10:50

No way. Have you a friend or relative she can stay with or has she a friend whose mum is happy for her to stay over.

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