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Original poster

What does your DH do when you are ill?

110 replies

PurplePepperEater · 03/02/2019 13:39

Does he just assume all responsibility, send you to bed and bring you tea?
Or does he expect you to still do everything and get annoyed when you can’t?

Every time I’m unwell I have to beg and plead with home to help me and/or to let me go to bed or have a lie down, we always always argue when I’m ill, he never wants to take time off from work for me and I always feel like I’m punished in some way for daring to be ill
I’ve actually took myself off to my Mums before now to be looked after and get some rest because I don’t get any at home

I just want to feel like he cares and he’s a bit sad that I don’t feel well because he loves me and wants me to be happy - is that really so much to ask??

Sad
OP posts:
ShortandSweet96 · 03/02/2019 13:44

When I'm ill my OH couldn't give a toss.
When he's got a cold, he let's me know thought the day, all day.. poor him!

But saying that, I suffer really bad with period pains, to the point I can't stand up properly, feel sick and generally can't do anything. This is the onlyntike he ill ask me if I need anything or if I'm ok, makes me a bit water bottle and brings it to me in bed with a cup of tea and pain killers, even though they don't touch the pain.

Men eh!?

Greenandcabbagelooking · 03/02/2019 13:44

A bit different, but I broke my wrist on Friday. I went to the Walk In on Saturday. DP came round with dinner ingredients at about 5pm on Saturday, made dinner, washed up and put everything away. He then helped me wash my hair, and has had a good go at plaiting it to keep it neat.

He's currently out getting shopping, then is staying here until I go to work on Monday.

He's a good egg. I'm sure he'd be the same if I was ill.

Ihopeyourcakeisshit · 03/02/2019 13:45

Leaves me in bed, forgets I am there so never get tea, water etc.
Gets a takeaway yet manages to leave a phenomenal amount of mess for me to clear when I'm recovered.

TheJobNeverEnded · 03/02/2019 13:46

I am a SAHM, so he would work from home(very difficult in his line of work,) do school runs, feed the children and also look after me.

Mainly because he is not a selfish arse and appreciates everything I do for him and the children.

I don't understand how you can claim to love someone and then watch them suffer without helping.

I could wake him at 2am to get me a drink or medication and he would be fine. And I would do the exact same for him if he was ill.

Youmadorwhat · 03/02/2019 13:47

Yes he takes over! Although I am very rarely sick thank god!

GertrudeWilloughby · 03/02/2019 13:48

He'll keep telling me to go to bed or if I'm in bed, to lie down. Umpteen cups of tea, medicine and offers to get anything I want, hovering around me until I want to scream. My ex used to leave me alone to get over it (no food, drink etc unless I got up to get it myself) so it feels a bit off to want some space to be ill really!

Hollowvictory · 03/02/2019 13:52

He does everything. I'll reappear when I'm better. He would only need to take time off work if that was necessary to look after the children. Ive never needed him to take time off to look after me.
When you say he won't take time off work, is that to look after the kids or you? If you, what is it you need him to do?

Stoppedat1 · 03/02/2019 13:53

Luckily I'm rarely ill enough to need to go to bed. Lots of colds, migraines and bad back etc where I just get on with it. OH is self employed and we're skint so it's not good if either of us are ill. I make sure I have my flu jab every year. I had pneumonia a few years ago and he had to be off work to look after our daughter so we were on our arses for a while.

Ethel80 · 03/02/2019 13:54

He's amazing. I was poorly for a few months last year after surgery. In the first 2-3 weeks I was pretty much bed bound and he did everything including some (very) personal care. He cooked, cleaned, shopped, kept me company, comforted me, played games etc etc

Even if I've got a nasty cold, he's wonderful.

Stoppedat1 · 03/02/2019 13:55

Sorry I didn't really answer the question Blush If I am ill enough to need to go to bed he takes over but it very seldom happens

TheMammothHunters · 03/02/2019 13:55

Does he just assume all responsibility, send you to bed and bring you tea?
Yes unless he’s at work. He’s lovely. I do the same for him.

HettyStThomas · 03/02/2019 13:57

Mine arranged for the kids to go to the in-laws for a sleepover so I can rest and sleep. He spent the evening looking after me. This morning he's gone to pick them up and take them out for Sunday dinner so I can enjoy solo use of the tv and enjoy the peace. Leaving me with food, soft tissues my favourite chocolates and a cold drink. He'll be back later to do all the house related jobs.
It's exactly what I'd do for him if he was ill.

WhatFreshHellisCis · 03/02/2019 13:59

He gets ill too only is more ill and is completely incapable so I still have to do every fucking cunting damned thing

Ragwort · 03/02/2019 14:02

Fortunately I am very rarely ill but on the odd occasions I have been unwell (or more likely just wanted a rest away from DC Grin) then of course he takes care of me, meals/drinks in bed or whatever I wanted & full responsibility for housework & childcare.

ShannonRockallMalin · 03/02/2019 14:03

Mine is weird. I think he thinks he’s helping, but I always get the feeling I’m not being the sort of patient he would prefer me to be. I’m generally the sort of person who just gets on with stuff unless I’m bed bound, and he was great when I was recovering from an op a few years ago.

However, his fussing about just gets on my nerves really. E.g. I had a mild stomach bug and was throwing up on Friday evening. His response was to keep bellowing through the bathroom door if I needed anything, and booming at the top of his voice at the kids to ‘keep quiet because mum is ill’. Then when I was feeling better he kept trying to force lucozade down me ‘for the electrolytes’ because my preferred cup of sweet tea wasn’t good enough. He’d probably say I’m a heartless bitch when he’s ill though!

yearinyearout · 03/02/2019 14:05

Bit of both. He used to be awful when we were younger but has become more considerate with age. If I’m ill now he will bring me drinks etc but when it comes to food he’d generally just get himself a takeaway and leave me to it.

Ethel80 · 03/02/2019 14:07

@ShannonRockallMalin that really made me laugh. I can picture the bellowing through the door.

DramaAlpaca · 03/02/2019 14:11

DH takes over & does what needs to be done. I've never expected him to take time off work to look after me, though I'm sure he would if it was absolutely necessary.

Luglio · 03/02/2019 14:14

He waits on me, hand foot and finger. Wish I was ill more often, tbh.

EngagedAgain · 03/02/2019 14:19

Absolutely fuck all. You're very lucky Ethel!

Original poster
PurplePepperEater · 03/02/2019 14:21

Just to clarify - of course I don’t expect him to take time off work to look after me, I mean to look after the kids!

OP posts:
boringlyboring · 03/02/2019 14:21

I wouldn’t expect my dp to take time off work if I was ill tbh but recently I had a trapped nerve in my shoulder which affected my neck, back and arm for 3 weeks which was awful. Dp did pretty much everything, even helped me get dressedBlush. My relatives came over for dinner one night when I was at my worst and he sorted everything out bless him (takeaway dinner but still made the drinks, set the table, all the little bits)

Since being together, this is the only time I’ve been ill to the point of not being able to carry on with life, and he really suprised me as we were in a bit of shit phase recently. It put some things into perspective for me, to say the least!

PolarBearDisguisedAsAPenguin · 03/02/2019 14:25

It depends. To a certain extent I try to do what I can but he will take time off work or work from home to look after the children, does all the housework (he does his share anyway) and all cooking/clearing up etc. He’ll also look after me but sometimes I’ll need to call down to him and ask him for specific things because he has left me alone upstairs.

If I told him I wasn't well enough to do anything, he’d do everything until such time as I was well enough but generally there are still some things that I can do.

CarolDanvers · 03/02/2019 14:26

My ex H used to call his Mum to help with the kids so he could still go about his business whether that be work or social life. He would literally step over me in the bathroom when I lay on the floor there as I couldn't move without being sick. The next day when I still wasn't recovered he said "FGS this is getting really boring now!" I hate his guts.

Brazenhussy0 · 03/02/2019 14:29

When I have a cold or flu, chest infection, stomach bug, or any of those kind of run of the mill 'common' illnesses, I tend to just suck it up and get on with it. I don't ask for help and don't expect any (DP is the same way.)
When I lived alone I didn't have anyone to look after me so I got used to fending for myself I suppose. And I certainly wouldn't expect DP to take a day off work because I'm sick! That seems bloody ridiculous.

However, when I slipped a disc in my back a few years ago and physically couldn't move for a few days my DP really pulled through. He cleaned out cat litter trays, put away shopping, did the hoovering, helped me get to and from the bathroom etc. He basically did everything for a few days and then continued doing a lot for a few more weeks.
It was frustrating not being able to do these things myself (I actually cried a few times Blush) but DP knew I was struggling with being unable to do things myself so he put up, shut up, and got on with what he needed to do to keep our wee house running smoothly and all the while comforted me and kept me sane.

The bottom line here I guess is that it depends on the illness and how incapacitated you are.
Got a bit of a cough, sniffle and a headache? Suck it up buttercup.
Physically can't walk yourself to the toilet or get in the shower? Yeah, he should be helping.

I think your DP might be the same as me and my DP on this kind of thing. It doesn't mean he doesn't care about you though.