What does your DH do when you are ill?

[PurplePepperEater]

Does he just assume all responsibility, send you to bed and bring you tea?
Or does he expect you to still do everything and get annoyed when you can’t?

Every time I’m unwell I have to beg and plead with home to help me and/or to let me go to bed or have a lie down, we always always argue when I’m ill, he never wants to take time off from work for me and I always feel like I’m punished in some way for daring to be ill
I’ve actually took myself off to my Mums before now to be looked after and get some rest because I don’t get any at home

I just want to feel like he cares and he’s a bit sad that I don’t feel well because he loves me and wants me to be happy - is that really so much to ask??

It's taken me and DH a while to figure this out. I suffer migraines regularly and he used to faff around me, checking I was ok and bringing me drinks etc. I hate that, would much prefer to be allowed to lie in bed on my own and have been dealing with illnesses this way since I was little.
He now sends me to bed but brings up a 'care kit' so he can feel as though he's looked after me - usually a drink, food (sandwich) and medication.

We do not have DC however, DH is a teacher so I would imagine if I was on my knees with illness, I would rely on my family until he could get home but I don't doubt he would skip the after school clubs etc to get straight home.

On the other hand, when I had pancreatitis a few years ago, I was in ICU for weeks so when I got home I was very weak and had no appetite. He batch cooked, encouraged me to eat, took over all the housework and even helped me get in and out of the bath and wash myself. He was amazing then.

The downside to him is that he can act as though he's medically trained - if I tell him I feel a migraine coming he'll try and figure out the cause by quizzing me on what I've eaten / how much water I've had etc 🙄 It annoys me but I think it makes him feel better if there is a cause - my pancreatitis terrified him because it was so random.

My DH is useless if I'm poorly. Always has been, always will be. He usually ends up being a stroppy arse so I just hide myself away and look after myself. However I do refuse to do anything at all for him if he's ill and won't be taken for a mug by him.

Thankfully he makes up for it in lots of other ways so it's not a deal breaker.

My hubby would do everything day to day without hesitation, e.g cooking, looking after children, bringing me tea/medicine and general tidying up. He's bloody fantastic actually.

It depends on how poorly I am. I'm a rubbish poorly person (or a very good one, depending on how you look at it!) so get "woman flu" quite a lot when everyone else has just got a sniffle so he usually just ignores my moaning and I have to get on with my share of the housework.

If I'm actually, really poorly though he does look after me and lets me rest as needed. When I was floored with a huge gallbladder attack he took a few days off work, took me to the gp (I couldn't stand up straight let alone go out to the surgery), did all the household chores and looked after the kids. It was the same when I had dry socket, gallbladder surgery and whenever I've had d&v.

I'm luckily very rarely properly ill. DH would work from home to get DC to and from school or keep them entertained away from me if it was a weekend. He wouldn't bring me anything as I like to be left alone but would carry up any drinks, meds I wanted.

I'm currently heavily pregnant and I have a nap most weekend days. If I choose to sleep over a mealtime the kids are always fed, if I am still asleep and he knows we are going out then they're washed, dressed and ready in time so I can just emerge at the last minute. He's just a fully competent adult and a kind man I guess!

Dh does everything. Not how I would and he doesn't see mess in the way I do, but laundry will be done, kids fed and cleaned and taken care of. He will bring me food and drinks and he will grocery shop. He will take kids to and from school, but has luxury of working from home which makes that easier.
I find it sad that you have to beg and plead to go and rest when you are unwell. That's horrible.

I'm rarely ill so haven't been able to test how DH would act. Although I had a wisdom tooth out a couple of days ago (sedation, stitches and a bit of ow ) and he was brilliant. As i was recuperating on the sofa wrapped in a blanket he'd given me he loftily informed me he had picked the 'bits' out of the split pea soup he'd made me so really can't complain bless him. Then proceeded to light the fire and get the washing in. Hitherto undiscovered housework skills!

It's just an extension of men treating their female partners like slaves, isn't it?

If you have a partner who already does his share of childcare and housework, he's probably the type to do more when you're ill. But if he does nothing or little, he's more likely to be a selfish type who takes his partner for granted and expects her to do everything even when ill.

Cross post, I was responding to Chipsahoy

My dh will send me to bed with a couple of paracetamol and drink, then check on my regularly.

He picks up all the childcare, cooking, cleaning. Takes the kids out if I ask him to.

I should add I’ve not been sick for about 3 years bar my normal sick (bowel disease/auto immune etc) which is just a case of carry on regardless.

Let’s me rest and brings me drinks and whatever I want. And takes me to the doctor if I have to go. I have been ill this weekend and he’s been fantastic.

My DH is lovely in general but even more so when I'm ill. He does take me to as many medical appointments as he can( there are a lot) and picks up my prescriptions for me.

He goes full on Florence bless him. He'll do everything needed, run to the shops etc
He's brilliant

DH will do anything that I ask of him and he will look after me. He would do the essentials like feed himself and DC etc but unless I ask him to put a wash on, hoover etc he wouldn't just get on with it. He doesn't care about the state of the house so he doesn't prioritise it. He knows I do though so he will do what I ask of him. He wouldn't take the day off to care for DC though. We would usually just have a duvet day watching TV if I really couldn't do anything (when pre-school age), or my mum has done nursery/school drop offs and pick ups for me if I've been unable or school mum friends help out, as would I if they needed it.

It expends. Neither of us really does ill. I don’t think he’s ever had a whole day off work and returned to work after gastroscope and after angiogram. He’s not tolerant of “feeling a bit under the weather”. Be not had much time off either but whenever I’ve had a few days in hospital with pneumonia and after chemo he’s been sweet. Once home he flaps a bit and tries to stop me returning to work next day. We wouldn’t expect each other to attend hospital appointments. We would expect to look after ourselves with general bugs, sore throats, chest infections, colds, back injuries etc but we’d do more of the household chores like fetching logs in.

My dp is mostly ok. I mean he makes sure I sustain life and will offer to make me food and drinks but won’t fuss over me too much.

I was ill last year for a few days. Dp was out for one of them doing his hobby and when he came home asked if I could do dinner because he had hurt himself and couldn’t move his arm without it hurting. So I hobbled around the kitchen and made dinner. The next day I was admitted to hospital with suspected sepsis which turned out to be pneumonia!

He did redeem himself by getting cover for work on a really important day (even though I insisted he didn’t need to) and ran around after me then making sure I had everything I needed.

I broke my ankle & if it hadn't been for my mum I would have starved to death. I was non weight bearing for 6 weeks, couldn't do crutches & had to use a Zimmer frame. My Husband didn't cook a single meal in 6 weeks, my mum brought meals up for us, he couldn't even make me a sandwich or a cup of tea. That's why he's an ex.

He does everything.
Looks after me, bringse tea, food if i wanted it. And would do all the other jobs in the house as needed. His done it plenty of times, although, normally when im ill, i end up in hospital... But when i get home from hospital i have nothing to do

He's brilliant,I've become seriouslly ill and disabled and he's now my carer but even before that happened if I was ill he'd nag me to go and lie down(I was awful for carrying on till I nearly dropped)and he'd take time of work if I needed him to,he'd look after all 5 of our DC,do the school runs,cleaning,cooking and shopping.

He's very kind and loving and he's the same with our DC if they're ever ill,he'll tuck them up in bed or make them a bed on the sofa,fetch them tablets/medicine,drinks,food,treats from the shops{depending on if they can eat or not if they can't he'd grab them comics/magazines ect)and he'll constantly check on them whilst they're sleeping if they're very ill or have a high temperature,he still does the same for our oldest DS22.

It's one of the ways we show that we love one another by taking good care of each other if any of us are ill.

I agree with PP that if your DH already is a functioning adult that does housework and parents, then looking after your wife/partner when ill wouldn't need a second thought.

Ones that do fuck all anyway are likely to be pissed off if their slave is ill. My ex was like this. In fact he used to shout at me when I was ill, saying I was being ill on purpose

DH and I were only together a few months when I got norovirus. He was amazing. I think you get to know your partner best when you go through shit times.

Luckily I'm rarely ill, DH is pretty hands on with kids and the house, probably more so than me, but I cope much better with doing stuff like taking them out to soft plays etc (they are 2 and 5) so when I'm ill they all stay in the house as he can't be doing with "the stress" of going out (I do it all the fucking time) which means, whilst I get water and food brought, they all like to pile in to see me and I'm never ever rested. Someone's always barging in or wanting me to peel an orange/answer a question/show me something they've drawn etc 🙄 when he's ill no one cares he gets the luxury of being left alone! I've said a hundred times FFS when I'm ill just piss off out the house, go to your mums, but don't expect me to get rest when you're all screeching downstairs!

Oh and he's very into healthy living so always brings up some disgusting concoction that he makes in the juicer, usually has kale in, rhymes off what's in, the vitamins and why it will make me feel better. I have a stomach bug you fucking moron, you can feed me all the strawberries you like but I'm just gonna see them again in about 10 minutes. His stupid little face always looks hurt though when I say no, so I just smile sweetly, send him on his way and pour the glass of rankness down the en suite sink

Mine is the functioning adult type. Housework will get done, food will be provided if required but he doesn't insist on nursing me if I'd rather be left alone.
My dad was very sweet when someone was ill at home, but he did go around looking so sad that it was exhausting; thankfully dh is a bit more robust.

Mine won't let me lift a finger. He makes sure I can rest by keeping the puppy downstairs when necessary. He cooks for me, runs baths for me, drives me to hospital appointments. I honestly can't fault him on the cherishing front.

Thankyou all for the responses, I wasn’t expecting so many
There’s quite a depressing amount of people who are in the same boat as me, I was nodding along to so many responses (lots from ex husbands which is worrying tbh)

I think whoever first made the link between how competent he is usually and whether he can just pick up the slack when we’re a man down or not is spot on actually, I’ve clearly ‘ruined his weekend’ this weekend by being ill haven’t I, because throwing my guts up for 2 days straight was so much fun for me but usually weekends are his ‘time off’ and he didn’t get that this week, which has left me wondering where my ‘time off’ comes in
He actually accused me this morning of ‘pretending to be ill all weekend so I could lay in bed and have both the lie ins’ even though he saw and heard me repeatedly throwing up, and knowing there’s a bug in the house as 3 of our kids have had it at some point over the last week - wtf!!

And Brazen I know you’ve been answered but I was asking if you have DC as yes I’m sure your attitude would be different - for one you wouldn’t think it “bloody ridiculous” for your DH to take time off work to look after his children should their normal carer be physically unable to