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Original poster

What does your DH do when you are ill?

110 replies

PurplePepperEater · 03/02/2019 13:39

Does he just assume all responsibility, send you to bed and bring you tea?
Or does he expect you to still do everything and get annoyed when you can’t?

Every time I’m unwell I have to beg and plead with home to help me and/or to let me go to bed or have a lie down, we always always argue when I’m ill, he never wants to take time off from work for me and I always feel like I’m punished in some way for daring to be ill
I’ve actually took myself off to my Mums before now to be looked after and get some rest because I don’t get any at home

I just want to feel like he cares and he’s a bit sad that I don’t feel well because he loves me and wants me to be happy - is that really so much to ask??

Sad
OP posts:
AnotherEmma · 03/02/2019 16:47

"Just to clarify - of course I don’t expect him to take time off work to look after me, I mean to look after the kids!"

OP's second post.

I'm not "gunning" after you, I just disagree with you. I think you were being very dismissive towards parents and their experience when you said that your attitude wouldn't change if you had a child. It might, it might not.

Fluffycloudland77 · 03/02/2019 16:51

Dh takes care of me and the house. I’ve only been really ill twice in 14 years though and one gynae op.

I do the same for him.

Nettletheelf · 03/02/2019 16:55

Whinges about the risk to his own precious health caused by being in the same house as me, and gives me regular updates on how HE is feeling. Because my primary concern must, of course, be whether he has caught the ailment from me, thus threatening his ability to go on bike rides.

(I had flu before Christmas. I lost it with him one evening and asked whether I should just go and sleep in the shed in order to remove the risk of infecting him. He shut up then.)

halfwitpicker · 03/02/2019 16:56

Pre DC I'd have been a martyr and tried to keep the ship afloat but now i've learnt so I just take myself to bed. Rarely actually happens though.

lubeybooby · 03/02/2019 16:57

he looks after me just by generally checking if I need anything, go to shops for me for medicine etc and assume all house responsibility

SlowNorris · 03/02/2019 17:06

I swear mine was a nurse in a former life.

He will bring me medicine, drinks, food etc and make frequent trips to the shop if I fancy something different. He’ll sit up rubbing my back or holding a cold flannel on me. If I need total space he’ll clear the house and keep it silent until I’m better.

He’ll run baths, bring fresh pyjamas, make tea, change bedding, empty sick buckets, collect snotty tissues. He really is very good.

Me on the other hand, I’m a huge germ freak and can’t be anywhere near a sick person. If he sneezes, I sanitise everything and disappear. If he were to vomit in front of me, I’d vomit.

JustHereForThePooStories · 03/02/2019 17:19

We don’t have kids so don’t have the issue of either of us having to take time off to cover for a SAHP.

He’s very good when I’m sick. Late last year, I became quite unwell and ended up being admitted to hospital via an A&E referral from my GP. DH brought me to A&E and waited with me until I was admitted and had a bed at 3am. He was back to me at 7am with clothes etc and stayed a while before having to leave for work. He visited me every morning and evening.

When I was discharged, I had to take a few weeks off work to recover. He collected all of my various prescriptions and took time off work when I needed to go to the doctor and other appointments. He also came home at lunchtime every day to check on me, and to make he some food if I hadn’t been up to it.

He also took over all the household tasks that we’d usually have shared/split- shopping, cleaning, dog walking etc. Ge always did most of my Christmas present shopping because I wasn’t able to get out to do it myself.

He’s a good egg.

GimmeBread · 03/02/2019 17:21

Mine is ever so good 😊 but he sometimes treats me like a bit of an invalid! He'll not do the laundry but then he never has in 23 years 😂

flamingofridays · 03/02/2019 17:23

Takes over. Takes ds to nursery if a week day (which means coming out of work) or looks after him if a weekend. Will make sure i eat/drink (unless puking or whatever) will generally check up on me as much as he can (if at work)
Same as id do for him.

notacleverusername · 03/02/2019 17:25

Mine does not lift a finger if I am ill, I had a tumour removed from my eye a few months ago. He dropped me off at home when it was done, bought me some co-codamol, told me I would be fine and fucked off back to work leaving me to deal with the kids coming back from school. He’s an absolute diamond Grin

AnotherEmma · 03/02/2019 17:26

"He'll not do the laundry but then he never has in 23 years 😂"

Hilarious Hmm

anxiousbundle · 03/02/2019 17:27

Depends, if it's a cold- I just get on with it. He's been a bit rundown today and prefers some space so he had a sleep and a bath whilst I was out all day I believe. Still in a bad mood though!

I've previously had numerous UTI's and a kidney infection, didn't get much sympathy for those (I think partly because he's never had a UTI & he didn't believe I had a kidney infection until the doctor sent us to A&E for emergency IV antibiotics! He definitely believed me when I narrowly missed throwing up on him in the OOH doctors.Grin

When I'm ill or feeling under the weather I do tend to take to my bed-
I have anxiety so it gets worse when I'm feeling sick and awful! Which I imagine can be annoying as it's more stuff for him to do during the day. We don't have any children though and if we did I would force myself to be at least up and functioning in bed with the kids- maybe watch a film etc. (Only exception would be vomiting, then I'd be quarantined!)

ItsAllGone19 · 03/02/2019 17:28

Mine panics when I'm ill. The idea of anything properly laying me out is terrifying to him so at the slightest sign I'm not feeling well he'll pack me off to bed and take over everything. He also bring regular drinks and food if I'm up to it.

It's a bit overbearing but as my mother reminds me, it's far better than him making me struggle when I feel like death warmed up.

The only thing he struggles with is the kids school uniform, he's not brilliant with the iron so it's rarely to my standard if he does it, but frankly if I'm not well a misplaced crease is a small price to pay for proper rest.

anxiousbundle · 03/02/2019 17:29

@Greenandcabbagelooking aw that's so sweet! Major points for washing your hair and plaiting it, bless him.

I'm sure my boyfriend would help me shower and wash my hair if I had something broken and dry my hair, but when I'm sick sick he doesn't do anything- just tells me I'm a sickly child!Angry

Binpedal · 03/02/2019 17:45

I can't believe how nonchalant some are about their selfish bastard husbands who do nothing to care for a sick wife.
How can you claim to love someone and do bugger all to help them if they're really poorly? Even if that's looking after the kids so your wife can rest.
It would be a marriage ender for me.

Sforsh49 · 03/02/2019 17:46

I'm rarely ill to the extent I'm unable to do anything in the house. About 6 years into our relationship I ended up with Shingles. Now DH had absolutely no idea what to do with me as "she's never ill and is usually so strong" that he just went out lots! He did tell me he wasn't sure what to do and to be fair would ask if I needed anything and would bring me stuff from the supermarket. Had a minor op on my hand last year and in the subsequent 6 years he has improved in his nursing skills somewhat!!

mollyblack · 03/02/2019 17:59

Mine immediately gets ill himself, worse than me of course. I want to punch him. I just want someone to send me to bed and take over. I hate lying in bed knowing that dishes are piling up waiting for me and the kids are not being amused/fed proper meals/put to bed at the normal time.

GimmeBread · 03/02/2019 18:00

You're right anotheremma - fucking unforgivable. I'll kick him out tonight and start divorce proceedings tomorrow.

Bless you Emma, my life would be in ruins if it wasn't for your clever observations. I'm a fool 😢😢

LittleMissPlump · 03/02/2019 18:22

I have just had a blazing row about my husbands lack of compassion towards me this weekend when I’ve been ill in bed with flu-like symptoms. He has acted like I purposely made myself ill just to inconvenience him and he didn’t offer to make me a single hot drink or bring me any painkillers. He has apologised for his behaviour but it’s made me lose a little bit of love for him if I’m honest.

Polly1977 · 03/02/2019 18:28

My ex was effing useless in this department and it’s honestly one of the reasons he’s now an ex!! I’m rarely ill but on the odd occasion I was, he’d make a total fuss of having to step in and look after his own children, wouldn’t so much as bring me a glass of water and acted like he couldn’t give a toss!!!

CigarsofthePharoahs · 03/02/2019 18:35

My DH always steps up.
I've had flu followed by another similar bug and DH has taken the brunt of the childcare during the last of the school holidays.
He's also taken the children to school and would have picked them up too, but my mum stepped in for that job!
There was also the time he went out at 3am to get me some dioralyte and immodium as I couldn't move from the bathroom floor. He's very caring!
I'm also lucky as he doesn't do man flu so I often have to insist he stops and rests if he's not well.

Homemadearmy · 03/02/2019 18:57

I'm a single parent now, but I think one of my lowest points with my ex was when I had the worse sickness bug I've ever had at 7 and a halfs months pregnant,. It was one of those 48 hours ones that you keep being sick long after your stomach is empty. The kids brought me drinks. He just left me upstairs and never asked if I needed anything.

TowerRingInferno · 03/02/2019 19:10

He always has to trump it and declare he has the same thing but much worse.

letsdolunch321 · 03/02/2019 19:14

Exh was absolutely shit at any kind of looking after me or the kids.

Dp is so different- very accomodating at all times

Sproutingcorm · 03/02/2019 19:25

Back in town Sad

Have applied on-line for a job Shock which someone has kindly forwarded to me Shock. It's terrible timing for various reasons and not part of my plans but too good in this specific instance not to apply and see what happens ifyswim. Realistically, prob have no chance but always worth updating CV/honing interview skills (doubt I'll get one) so never a totally pointless exercise!

Tired now but instead of settling in front of telly like dh must go and confront the tower of dirty laundry which is threatening to engulf laundry room and collapse on anyone foolish enough to approach ... .

Someone get the pike!