Has anyone ever fixed their procrastinating, self-sabotaging self? I'm so annoyed at me.

[Galvantula]

I am fed up making my own life more difficult by sitting doing stuff like this, instead of just getting the fuck on with what needs done and then having time to have fun.

Even having read this about why i do it, i still go back to the same patterns.

waitbutwhy.com/2013/10/why-procrastinators-procrastinate.html

Any magic tips for not being a total arse to yourself?

I’m in. I’m
Really bad. It it’s getting worse. I spend hours on here instead of doing college work then end up that the kids are home and I’m in mum mode and nothing done. Then I end up doing all nighters to catch up.

When writing my undergrad dissertation I got side tracked by researching why TuPac and Puff Daddy hater each other, then I listened to lots of gangster rap music. Then I read all about 9/11, read the conspiracy theories and convinced myself it was an inside job.

I often take a secret afternoon of work and lie to myself that I am going to clean the house. I don't - I come home, put my pyjamas on and mooch around on the internet.

You are my people. I still amaze myself with my ability to procrastinate. I’ve always put stuff off - last minute revision, pulling all nighters for assignments etc. Feeling I can only work under pressure. But I honestly think it’s getting worse. At least before if I wanted to put something off I’d clean the house, now I just scroll fb, insta, mumsnet. It all feels like such a waste of time .

I’m surprised that I didn’t see this thread last night, I had to read through some work yesterday for a study day I was running today. I spent the entire day avoiding it, finally forced myself to start at 11.30 pm last night - I had to be up at 6 am.

Can I join please? Despite being a high achiever this issue has plagued me my whole life. I can't decide if I'm really lazy or chronically ill some days! My main issue is the groundhog day nature of a lot of my tasks (self employed and work from home) and the fact that I set unrealistic goals. So I'll go into the city and expect to get 5 errands done then get frustrated when I only manage 2 and am knackered to boot!

I also feel easily overwhelmed and that seems to render me motionless and I end up doing nothing. I too seem to resent anything I have to do - like the school run - and see it as interrupting my time on mumsnet

Aargh!

Hello OP,

I could have written your opening message. My procrastination is so bad and it causes me so many problems. Yet I just cannot stop. It causes me a great deal of stress and anxiety. Nobody around me knows it's as bad as it is. I'm very good at hiding it and there's a lot of room to hide when you work for yourself!

Here's a good example of my procrastination. We moved house on Nov 1st. Our Royal Mail redirect ran out yesterday, after 3 months. Up until now, I've changed one out of around 15 postal addresses with my bank etc (because I could do it easily online). My husband did his the week we moved in. He is the polar opposite to me. He has a PhD, has written books, multiple journal articles and so on. He just gets shit done. Sure, he might spend 5-10 minutes on Twitter here or there, but he doesn't put off work that he can't face for days...weeks... or months in this case.

I have read a lot of things on the topic of procrastination and motivation but nothing has really helped me.

Steven Pressfield's books on "the war of art" and "turning pro" have helped in a way. (But like the wait but why article, they clarify why I do what I do, but they never actually stop me doing it).

I've tried doing the Pomodoro with very little success. I've tried goal setting. I've tried lists. I've tried doing nothing and going with the flow. I've tried rewards. I feel like I've tried nearly everything.

The minute I HAVE to do something, I just can't. I have zero motivation and I procrastinate and waste time by doing nothing.

Yet if I randomly happen across something and I get the urge to do it, I'll work on it until midnight and you can't get me off the computer. Or I'll clean lots of the house because I started clearing up some rubbish and the urge to do it all just took over! These urges just get less and less though.

But I sometimes wonder if I have some underlying MH issues. I've been through some sad experiences lately and some others in the past. Maybe anxiety, PMDD, or a touch of depression...? I don't know. All I know is that my procrastination has become chronic now. Like every task is a huge mental block that I just can't get past. I do so very little.

I feel like overwhelm is a HUGE part of it for me. Like I'm bombarded with things I ought to do, things that'd be good to do, things other people want doing, things I'd like to do, things that could be done in the future etc.

Plus imposter syndrome, and the anxiety of everything being 'on my head' if it goes wrong (e.g. getting sued, getting in trouble).

The cognitive load too - like I just don't have the capacity anymore to figure things out, create a plan, implement/execute my plan of action and then write reports after.

I wonder if I just procrastinate and block it all out with netflix or buzzfeed or mumsnet (sorry MN!) because my brain can't function!

God, sorry for going on.....!!!!! That confession was good for my soul!

oh my god @misty9 I could have written your post. To. The. Letter.

Except for the bit about being an overachiever.... I'm the opposite. I can't be bothered, I don't want to fail, so I won't even try to achieve. Well... I'll give it a go. I'm happy being middle of the road as long as I'm left alone hahaha.

@WildFlower2019 I get overwhelmed very easily as well, when tasks just pile up & ive no order or clarity. It's the lack of control that throws me. So frustrating! I'm wide awake now, thinking what I'm meant to get done tomorrow. Urgh.

Yes I just "shut down" I think when I'm overwhelmed and I hide, mostly on mumsnet.

I did do my studying last night, but i pissed away at least an hour on here after putting the kids to bed. I was almost falling asleep eventually, then had to get back up to do the dishwasher etc.

I watch DH and he's totally different. Just gets on with what he needs to do then sits down later on to watch tv/ play PlayStation or whatever. But if I've sat down, I'm feeling the guilt/ stress of all the things on my various lists that need done.

I think I need to research this more! The comments here really resonate with me and tie in with things other people have said to me! My boss told me I have no confidence in myself despite doing so well in life and an ex friend told me I feel that I don’t deserve friends and I sabotage things deliberately (which I do)

So, I'm lying in bed (dh did morning routine) and all the things I need to do are swirling round my head:

Make a start on reports for work - all due 14th
Clean the house
Clean the car
Build some flat pack
Have breakfast
Meal plan and do food shop
Plan and pack for weekend away - by Thurs

Maybe I'll go back to sleep...

I put things off too. When it comes to jobs such as changing the bedclothes or sweeping the leaves away from the front path I remind myself sternly that it only takes 10 minutes from my day and when it's done, it's done for another fortnight - so get on with it.

It's the only way to motivate myself I'm afraid - I'm the type who could lie in the fields and watch the clouds roll by. Most of the time I'm so laid back I'm almost horizontal.

Chiara, I'm doing the packing myself 🙈🙈 There's a lot we need to get rid of (cloth nappies for example, my youngest is now 4 😂) so I'm doing that as I pack. Also lots of clothes that need sorting and toys. Biggest jobs are the playroom and my workroom (I run an embroidery and printing business from home). Once they are mostly packed up I will feel better I think 🤔

Interesting thread. I'm a master procrastinator. I know why (perfectionism, imposter syndrome etc), but hopeless at getting started and making decisions. I have a mile long to-do list which I keep adding too. Reading this thread for inspiration!

Such a relief to find not alone in this! I have loads to do yet sat here watching tv thinking I will start at 10an! The othet day I set a kitchen timer for an hour and took it with me whilst doing jobs promising myself a coffee when it went off. I actually carried on for half hour longer but it worked. Might try that at 10..... I tried to sort out 2 cupboards yesterday and cos I left it so late ending up with one tidy cupboard and the other stuff thrown in. I don't know where the day goes sometimes.

Please can I join you? I'm in such a state and I've got here all by myself.

I'm meant to be writing up my PhD and I was signed off with depression for a couple of months in March. I have done nothing since.

No. That's not true. I've cleaned my house to within an inch of its life. Obviously, that meant watching every episode of Obsessive Compulsive Cleaners and How Clean is Your House. And reading every blog post from TOMM and Mrs Hinch and the whole of the Flylady website. Once that obsession wore off, my house became chaos again.

Then I decided to lose weight. I exercised every day for a month and trained for a half marathon. Obviously, that involved watching every episode of How to Lose weight Well, The Biggest loser (US and Australia), Fat Families etc etc. And reading reading reading about diets. Now I've regained all the weight.

Less positive obsessions included re-watching every episode of Desperate Housewives, Gilmore Girls, Breaking Bad and who knows how many other box sets.

And no work whatsoever. None. My deadline is getting closer and closer and with every day, the paralysis increases.

Please help and I'll lend any support I can.

steala so you know you can be fit. I need to lose about 2 stone and keep saying I will exercise. Look its past 10 and still havent started what I was going to do! Ok lets both start something at 10.30! Good luck and to anyone else in procrastinater world today!

Itis not always bad. I find far more energy and perform better when I'm working towards the end of a timescale to get something done. Also I find that about half the things I put off eventually don't need doing at all.

Of you like obsessions, I've been logging on My Fitness Pal app for 1000+ days 😳 I've lost almost 3 stone and kept it off.

It is harder to eat loads all the time when you have to be honest to mfp. i do fall back and put back on a few lb now ands then, but if i go back to eating better, the weight comes back off again. The massive amounts eaten on mfp corresponds exactly to the weight gain.

I need to stop doing that though, it's a lot easier putting it on than getting it back off, so they again making more work for myself. 🙄🙄

I don't minutely count every ingredient, just log a reasonable approximation for meals cooked from scratch, e.g equivalent ready meal. Gives you somewhere to aim if you have a comfort eating problem like i did.

Outs the only thing I've actually near enough stuck to. But i do feel a bit healthier and feel a small % less down on myself.

i was meant to go to the post office when it opened... i am still here...

I wish I could procrastinate about eating
It would really help my weight loss goals.
Steala I get what you’re saying. I feel like I can’t lose weight and study and have a tidy house all at the same time. They all seem to take a lot of brain space and focus and i can only do one thing at a time.
What I find helps is to follow a diet that doesn’t take much thought (like 3 meals a day and no snacking), and have a routine that doesn’t take much thought. It helps but I still can’t stick to it all but I coast along a lot better, if that makes sense.

steala I feel your pain. I did a doctorate and the paralysis related to writing up was horrendous.

Do it now. Whatever you're doing, just start writing/making notes on it now. What stage are you at?

I'm still in bed...

Any magic tips for not being a total arse to yourself?

This is what I did.

Research ADHD - particularly inattentive ADHD if you're not hyperactive. (Very badly named condition!)

Realised the inattentive ADD descriptions are like a description of my personality.

Asked for assessment.

Waited a year, got diagnosed with ADHD.

Got some medication, apparently it can help.

Haven't taken it yet, it's been in the cupboard a week! Will let you know if it makes any difference when I do try it...

Are most of you introverts? I get into a procrastination loop when there have been too many social/outward facing demands on me. The first sign is that I don’t want to reply to texts and the like from friends... almost feel annoyed to even receive them. I try to nip it in the bud at that stage, by owning that it’s an issue, going back to my counsellor (which started as grief therapy but the ongoing support has been useful), and forcing myself to find time for self-care - especially excercises, which can help me reset, and also saying no to social engagements for a while to let myself have more time to refill my energy levels.
In conjunction I do what I call dragon slaying days - a bit like toad eating in the morning like someone else mentioned. I then assign a day to do all the stuff I’ve been putting off - the dragons that need to be slayed in order for me to be free again. (It could be a dragon slaying hour for those who procrastinate over routine tasks; my problem is more putting off one-off, hassley tasks and non essential communications.)

Checking in to mark my place.
So much I could say.

For me the world of difference is made between what I HAVE to do, now, Vs what could quite happily be left till another time.

Conventional wisdom says tackle the former. Obviously.
Procrastinators are not wired this way. I seem to have some kind of explicit demand avoidance. If it's expected of me, I avoid. If it's unnecessary, the pressure is off, and it can be a delight.

I have a trick for when I've procrastinated myself into catatonia. I have a list of completely non urgent and small jobs that niggle at me. Mending holes in clothes, repainting a bit of scratched wall. That kind of stuff. Stuff that makes you feel quite chuffed when you've completed it because it's been outstanding so long. It has to be something that I know I'll feel happy for having completed.

When I'm under pressure to be properly productive but I'm failing, I indulge my avoidance. I pick a job from my 'tiny, non urgent jobs list' and do it. I know I'm avoiding the real thing, but the jobs I choose are small, easily completed, worth doing, and long overdue. They become appealing compared with the real job I'm avoiding. Precisely because it's unnecessary to do today.

And what happens is that I complete the distraction job and feel pretty good about myself.
And it makes me feel much more able to tackle the job I should be doing.
I'm no longer berating myself for being useless. I'm feeling a release of pressure for having crossed something (albeit something non urgent) off my list. And I am more able to attack the real job.

My nonurgent list is a diversionary tactic. But it's productive, unlike dicking around online. The jobs have to be small, niggly, often something that's needed doing for ever, and something I want to do. Something that has bothered me and is fixable. Not someone else's chore. Mine.
Something I know will feel satisfying once done. The tinier, the better.

Yup if i go to a big social thing (or tbh just playgroup or have a few friends over) i have to like lie down in a dark room for a while.

Also feel the pressure of keeping up contacts, Arranging to meet etc.