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Has anyone ever fixed their procrastinating, self-sabotaging self? I'm so annoyed at me.

188 replies

Galvantula · 03/02/2019 12:54

I am fed up making my own life more difficult by sitting doing stuff like this, instead of just getting the fuck on with what needs done and then having time to have fun.

Even having read this about why i do it, i still go back to the same patterns.

waitbutwhy.com/2013/10/why-procrastinators-procrastinate.html

Any magic tips for not being a total arse to yourself?

OP posts:
Feelingfullandreadytoclean · 04/02/2019 10:51

Bloody missed it! Going to put DD to bed. Then ummm....

Feelingfullandreadytoclean · 04/02/2019 10:56

This is like writing in a diary!

Dear Diary,
I have put DD to bed. I have found my head phones so I am now going to tidy front room.
Feeling peckish but I will not let this befall me. I need to concentrate
Oh Diary, how did it get to this.
Yours sincerely
Feelingfull

LoisWilkerson1 · 04/02/2019 10:57

To my utter shame, I'm considering not moving to a bigger house purely because I don't trust myself to get all the prep, diy
deep clean, decluttering etc done Blush

Germ1360 · 04/02/2019 11:00

I have a thesis to write. Help, anyone?

Hippymama · 04/02/2019 11:02

I have found my people!

I'm so bad at this. I have 4 weeks to pack up an entire 4 bedroomed house in preparation to move over 600 miles. Lots to do and lots to get rid of.

Am I packing? Am I heck, I'm messing about on here 🙈

Galvantula · 04/02/2019 11:19

hippy that size of task would freak me out too.

Can you break it into bits somehow? I think I'd also need a list for that. Grin the list would make me feel like i was starting Blush

OP posts:
Galvantula · 04/02/2019 11:20

I have sorted out the rest of the clean washing ✊

Just the other million things to do then.

OP posts:
Galvantula · 04/02/2019 11:21

@germ1360

Um... have you started yet? Can you do an introduction or plan a structure or something?

Disclaimer: Have never written a thesis. Blush

OP posts:
Pythonesque · 04/02/2019 11:24

I'm self-employed ... seriously considering figuring out how to get someone to come and do admin with me for a couple of hours a fortnight because I never get on with it. I have a series of emails I should be sending this morning (or at least today!) which relate to an opportunity to roughly double my work from next term. The sooner I get on with it the easier it will all feel.... but ....

Germ1360 · 04/02/2019 11:25

Galvantula, I've started, but it's like writing a book! Have chapters and what will be in them mapped out, but data has gaps and even writing the intro and background theory is a nightmare!

Hippymama · 04/02/2019 11:27

Galvantula, I'm the list queen 😂 Sometimes though, writing lists is just another way of me procrastinating 🙈 I'm about to take little to nursery and then I'm going to tackle the playroom. I run a business from home so at least I can juggle things around to get this done. Playroom is today's big job. I'm going to pack away most of the Lego, playmobil, cars and brio. They'll still have other things to play with but I think lessening the sheer amount of small toys they can spread about my house might help with my sanity levels 😂

Just to add to the pressure, my husband left yesterday to go and work abroad for 4 weeks. He comes back 3 days before our scheduled moving day 😂😂 I have to laugh or I'll cry 🙈

FaceLikeAPairOfTits · 04/02/2019 11:32

Hello, fellow under-achievers. Grin

I have a huge list of stuff to do for my job-with-quite-a-bit-of-responsibility and I'm eating biscuits and arsing about on MN.

Lots of people think I'm very capable too, but I'm a finely balanced combo of fear, diligence, imposter syndrome and blind optimism.

Anyone else wonder what they could actually have achieved if they were just, you know, normal?

ifeellikeanidiot · 04/02/2019 11:43

This is me. I've spent a couple of years reading about adult adhd and it has really helped me. I still have these destructive patterns of behavior, but I'm a lot more accepting of them and a lot less harsh towards myself.

I feel like I can step back and be a non-judgmental observer, rather than get caught up in self-loathing. It's a really big shift in how I think and feel about myself and it really helps.

I'm going to find work tough today. Going to try and work in twenty min blocks, with ten min after and see how that works out. Sometimes I get down to as small as eight min blocks of focus. For me, a lot of my problem is focus. I had no idea how poor my concentration was til I read about ADHD. Before then I always thought I was a weird mix of incredibly hard working and incredibly lazy. I need a sense of urgency to get stuff done - then I'm brilliant. It's hard to find focus without that. When I'm really struggling with focus (like today) I try to choose tasks that are most interesting rather than the most important. It's better for me to be working on any task than not at all.

JasperRising · 04/02/2019 12:03

Germ1360 I feel your pain. I have written 3 and I'm still not sure how I would go about another one!

Do you feel you can start writing and then fill in gaps as you go? Or would it be better to get all your data and background theory in order so you can then sit down and just d writing?

Bonkersblond · 04/02/2019 12:13

Thanks for starting this thread since my post at 10.49, I have sorted the washing and done the ironing, having a well deserved cuppa then I'm going to sort some of my drawers out - thing is last time I sorted DD's drawers a good few weeks ago, I put the charity bags in the back of my car and they are still there - arghhh.

elQuintoConyo · 04/02/2019 12:33

I have three rules:

As soon as ds is out of the house, have a shower.
Do not sit on the sofa, ever.
Put phone away.

Otherwise I surf the net, watch Prime and scratch my arse all the livelong day.

I also have a housework chart (that is shared between DH and I, I hasten to add), that I can stick to. Everything lasts just 20 minutes:
Clean bathroom - 20 mins.
Sweep and mop floors (200m2 flat) 20 mins
Do laundry (washing goes up on the roof in the sun to dry in the breeze) 20mins

We alternate cooking, dog-walking, washing up. DH does boring car stuff, bills, big supermarket shop. I do house maintenance, random bits about town (dry cleaning, picking up re-heeled shoes, signing D's up for judo etc).

I find doing housework in chunks helps. The IDIDIT boner you get afterwards is great and I try to keep reminding myself of it. I was fucking useless at university, wrote my 20,000 word dissertation over the Easter holidays Blush

I still have days where I cannot summon the energy or interest in getting anything done. Luckily she is very understanding about my oomph-free days.

So: no sofa, no phone! It's a start Flowers

LoisWilkerson1 · 04/02/2019 12:57

I have 4 weeks to pack up an entire 4 bedroomed house in preparation to move over 600 miles. Lots to do and lots to get rid of

KaliforniaDreamz · 04/02/2019 13:02

Do you feel ike you could sort other peoples' chores/problems/filing out but then realise you don't have a clue to organise yourself?
i do...

ILiveInSalemsLot · 04/02/2019 13:03

Germ I’ve never written a thesis but the only way I passed my professional exams was by going to the library for a few hours. I could not study at home even though the house was empty and tidy (no kids then). I still found more tidying to do, lots of tea making and friends to call.

ProfessorSillyStuff · 04/02/2019 13:11

I agree with a pp about doing the worst tasks first. I like that saying "eating a toad for breakfast"

With a thesis, break it down, map it out, tackle little sections and reward yourself each time. Expect to make several drafts also. It's part of the process of being awesome!

Doing the housework:
I also think it can be helpful to do something menial but that gets you moving. I like to fold the laundry, standing up and dancing to dumb but positive and energetic music. (Like black eyed peas, "the beginning")

Lists are helpful, I have one on my phone that I can mark deadlines and mark items as urgent.They are satisfying to cross off. Really praise yoirself when you cross one off. If the items are too difficult to cross off, break your goals up even more. For example, put "pick up toys in L.room" then "hoover L.room" instead of "clean living room"
Just don't beat yourself up if some item stays on there for weeks, unless it really was urgent! Build up momentum gradually if needs be.

It's also important to do self care which for me falls into categories of :
actual rest , (meaning sleep,)
decompressing, (meaning watching a show, socialising, playing a computer game, reading)
Pampering ( meaning doing nails, eyebrows, haircuts, sorting outfits and making love etc)

I also like to make self care/life goals/lists of habits to make which I review only every six months or so or when I feel I'm struggling.

It's really important to consider whether we really have free will, how much self control do we really have?

A friend once said to me that people do actually do the things they really want to do. If you can't get started on something really important, ask yourself why you want to do the things you have set out. Maybe you just do not actually want to be on that path.

Also, if you are ill or coming down with something, you won't want to do anything no matter what motivational tricks you employ. At that time it really is wisest to rest because your I.Q won't be where it should and you will not do good work and almost definitely make stupid and even dangerous errors! Just rest!

Try to figure out where your body is at each day. Have mental energy but not physical? Or vice versa? Is your mind silently screaming that it needs to be outside?
When you have pmsor are menstruating, it's the best time to declutter, discard old habits and plan your schedule. When you are fertile is the best time to choose outfits, plan meals, make purchases and pamper yourself.

RomanyRoots · 04/02/2019 13:26

I have about 14 shirts to iron and just CBA, I know I'll feel as though I've achieved something if I do them, but n motivation.

Dh would do them himself but he is working and I'm doing newt, don't even have children to care for, or school runs. I'm ashamed.

BrassicaBabe · 04/02/2019 13:38

Procrastination is seriously affecting my life and mental health.

A few weeks ago I emailed a counsellor with the intention of getting to the bottom of the reasons. She emailed me back and I've not followed up. Do I win? Smile

Germ1360 · 04/02/2019 13:40

Jasper, I think, yeah I should get all the background and data together and then think "Shit. My supervisors need to see stuff though..."

Salem, library doesn't work as I've got two massive folders of papers and numerous books, so it's a pain in the arse to do it anywhere but home.

Feelingfullandreadytoclean · 04/02/2019 13:41

Right things left to do:
Tidy hallway 2minutes
Clean bathroom 10minutes
Hoover downstairs 10minutes
Put away washing 20minutes
Lay out DH sport kit 1minute
Pack DD sport stuff and snacks 3minutes
Put jacket spuds in 3minutes

Total: 49minutes

I have: 1 hour 30 minutes.

Doable. DD wants me to read her a book. I am good at that!

JasperRising · 04/02/2019 13:49

Jasper, I think, yeah I should get all the background and data together and then think "Shit. My supervisors need to see stuff though..."

Are your supervisors giving you deadlines to give them stuff to read? And are they wanting to see the data or chapters? I found that it helped to have a deadline of submitting a chapter to a supervisor as it gave me something concrete to work towards that was smaller than the whole thing.

Is yours a project where you some of the chapters standalone? ie: is there a chapter you can write without having all the data? That way you could get that to your supervisors to read so that you will get some feedback (which is always handy!) and then get on with filling in the gaps in the data.