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"Can't afford to go back to work"

235 replies

sphinxa · 03/02/2019 09:01

Genuine question ...

I often see people saying they couldn't afford to go back to work because of the cost of childcare when they only have 1 child.

The minimum wage is over £7 and the average cost of a nursery is £5/hr. There's tax free child care or vouchers to reduce that cost.

So what do people mean when they say "my wage wouldn't cover childcare costs"?!

When I went back after my 2nd child, I had two under two and after childcare costs I think I came out with about £50 a month. We decided it was still worth going back to work for the benefits of maintaining my own career, pension contributions, autonomy... and eventually when the kids get their free hours we'll be laughing (hopefully).

If people want to stay at home that's great but do people use "can't afford" instead of "want to be a SAHM"?

OP posts:
hendricksy · 03/02/2019 17:36

If you read my first post I said I have friends who complain they are skint and husbands work 9-5 so they could work weekends / evenings but they don't ..

WingingWonder · 03/02/2019 17:36

I have many friends who were desperate for kids before they were pregnant ie not a surprise baby, and then seemed surprise at childcare options and costs etc
Several ‘couldn’t afford’ to go back
Also matching those who, privately, never intended to
I think for some it’s a socially acceptable way of being a sahm if they’re less common with in their friend groups
Interestingly, I work FT, and it’s what anyone not working instantly tells me...

CallMeVito · 03/02/2019 17:39

I hate this bloody fixation that anybody is only as worthwhile as their ability to earn

couldn't agree more.
I am earning a decent amount at the moment, but I was just as worthwhile on maternity leave, when I was doing a shit job or was made redundant. I find it so sad to think you are defined by your job title. Is that the only thing interesting about you? It's not much is it.

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PerfectPeony · 03/02/2019 17:40

Because it’s not worth it? Sacrificing spending time with your child is not worth getting an extra couple of hundred pounds a month. In my opinion. Although I’m not a high flying career person so that’s probably why.

We’ve worked out that if I work part time my net income will bring in an extra £400 after childcare. So for us it is worth it but if it was a lot less or if we had more than one or twins I’d be a SAHM.

PerfectPeony · 03/02/2019 17:44

If you read my first post I said I have friends who complain they are skint and husbands work 9-5 so they could work weekends / evenings but they don't ..

I wouldn’t want to take this option and don’t know many people who would. I’d rather shop at Lidl/ not have holidays as often than work opposite hours to DH and sacrifice our relationship/ family time.

Nicecupofcoco · 03/02/2019 17:50

WeeTinkerMonkey Grin I agree 100 percent!
It all just depends on the individual or couple. I agree some people are more career minded, and that's great. I'm a sahm and it's exhausting, as going to work would also be. I'm fit to drop at the end of the day, I couldn't imagine going off for a shift at work, although I know some people do it and that's great.
I had a mw job, and hadnt been enjoying my job, and if I'm honest I just wanted to be at home with my young family. Money is tight at times but would have been had I gone back to work too, if you filter in petrol costs, childcare, daily lunch, work clothes, it all adds up. I'm happy with my decision, and feel quite confident that I'll be able find another job once my youngest starts school. I know it will probably be a low paid job with being out of work for a while, but thats Ok.

Justmeagain123 · 03/02/2019 17:59

@Bumblebee39 and if they want to be SAHMs then good for them, but if anyone say it's "not worth me working" they are the ones putting a low value on their worth. If you want to be a SAHM say that, own that, if it's for financial reasons then there are other ways to work it out when weighing up options as a couple.

OutOntheTilez · 03/02/2019 18:07

My opinion is that it’s just an excuse.

You would have two working adults in the house. But for some reason, it’s only the mother’s income that is factored into child care, like the husband’s income pays the mortgage, electricity and heat, and the mother’s is allocated strictly to child care.

Also, the older a child is, the less expensive day care is.

Travel expenses? Take public transportation or hold out for a job that is closer to home. Many jobs allow you to work from home these days, at least part of the time. Mine does. Clothing expenses? You don’t have to dress in designer. Lunch during the day? Bring your lunch from food you have around the house anyway and eat at your desk.

Finally, no one takes into account the money you’d earn with bonuses and promotions if you’d stayed in the work force, plus paying into company-sponsored retirement plans with a company match, and paying toward, in my case, Social Security, which I’m (supposedly) going to get once I retire.

I work because life is unpredictable, 50% of marriages end in divorce, and men generally pass away before their wives. My husband could lose his job or get sick; he is generally very healthy, but he’s had some health issues in the past couple of years, whereas I have not. I don’t want to be left twisting in the wind with no way to support my children if something should happen.

Right now in my company there are four women in their 50s and 60s whose husbands are disabled and can’t work. These women have been working for many years and are the only ones bringing in any income. If they had thought years ago, “Well, it just wouldn’t be worth it for me to work because of child care . . .” blah blah blah, and counted solely on their husbands’ incomes, they’d be in big trouble now.

CallMeVito · 03/02/2019 18:13

Travel expenses? Take public transportation or hold out for a job that is closer to home.

yes, because it's that easy Hmm and on which planet is public transport cheap?

Not everybody lives on planet OutOntheTilez, what kind of job do you have if you have no realistic idea of the real world?

treaclesoda · 03/02/2019 18:23

Travel expenses? Take public transportation or hold out for a job that is closer to home

You're having a laugh surely? The reason people have long commutes is generally because they can't afford to live close to where they work. And if there were loads of jobs available in the area where they live, then most likely they couldn't afford to live there, catch 22.

Stringofpearls · 03/02/2019 18:30

I actually want to and will go back to work but I wanted to comment as there are several things you aren't taking into account. Firstly, the childcare voucher scheme has now ended for new applicants, secondly free hours don't kick in until a child is 2. Also, £5 an hour for childcare would be extremely cheap around here. If you wanted full time childcare around where I live it's around £257 for a week. Costs of travel to worm etc on top could easily mean that there is no money left, or even that it is more expensive to work.

Stringofpearls · 03/02/2019 18:32

Also, there wouldn't be jobs for many at all where we live and the little public transport available is more expensive than running a car!

WhentheDealGoesDown · 03/02/2019 18:33

A lot of jobs don’t have bonuses and promotions unless you count a bottle of wine at Christmas

How do you work from home if you work on a supermarket checkout or in a warehouse

Some just live in a different world...

TrickyKid · 03/02/2019 18:37

If you were happy to work for £50 that's up to you but I would rather not. I agree with one child it might be doable. I had 3 under 4 so it wasn't possible for me to work. Making up for it now they're older though!

OutOntheTilez · 03/02/2019 18:38

CallMeVito

From planet OutOntheTilez

I have the kind of job that I have to drive to and use up gas because there is no public transportation to speak of. I have the kind of job that allows me to work from home and help save on said costs.

I know that I’m lucky. I’m also the kind who thinks toward the future and what could happen while hoping it never does. Too many people live in the moment, don’t think ahead, and then wonder where it all went wrong when “happily ever after” doesn’t happen and Prince Charming suddenly turns into a frog.

I was also very badly bullied at a job by a supervisor. But instead of giving up and staying home, away from the “real world,” I managed to find a job with sane people. Again, I got lucky.

Not everybody has office jobs that allow working from home or high paying jobs. I get that. If one wants to be a SAHM, then that’s fine. But own it.

I notice you had no other responses to my other points and chose only that one to single out, eh?

Nicecupofcoco · 03/02/2019 18:38

Outonthetilez... Bonuses and promotions! I bloody wish! Grin I've worked full time for 15 years, and never got a bonus or a promotion. Maybe people that are higher earners might do,or work for bigger companies, but some people have had the same mw pay because the area they choose to work doesn't pay well or offer many promotions.
I do understand your point about partner becoming ill or divorce, it is a worry, but I tell myself that in a few years I'll be back to work, staying home is only for now.
Each couple, or individual just do what's right for you. We're all different and each have our priorities. All just got to make the best of our own situations.

Justmeagain123 · 03/02/2019 18:42

@WhentheDealGoesDown career progression isn't just about getting promoted internally, I've only ever gotten one internal promotion, in my field you generally have to jump ship to another company to get a higher position (within a decent time frame at least). I've done this 3 times in the last 7 years (with young children), working up from an assistant to middle level manager in my field, I want to become a senior manager but it's doubtful I will do so where I work now, I'm not gonna hang around for the current incumbent to leave, I will look out elsewhere. The benefit to going up the ladder is the increased flexibility, it was much more difficult for me working as a part time assistant with young children than it is for me now as a full time manager. Ironic I guess, when I needed it more.

RomanyRoots · 03/02/2019 18:44

My opinion is that it’s just an excuse

Is this the state of the world now? Well, I'm speechless.

Raising your children yourself without outsourcing is "an excuse"

iamboudicca · 03/02/2019 18:46

When I went back to work I had to pay for my childcare upfront. I was paid a month in arrears. By the time I got my first pay cheque I had paid out 2100 in child care and the pay was only 1200. I didn’t beak even for 3 months. I was fortunate in that DHs salary/ savings could cover this otherwise it would be impossible

mumtobabygilrl · 03/02/2019 18:46

I find your post infuriating. I do work FT and DD attends nursery FT too, this costs £1000 per month, with rent, bills, petrol, food and other general costs i come away with very very little per month. Most says I skip lunch just to save some pennies. I work in a role with a lot of responsibility and people management responsibilities for £35k per year. It's so hard working so hard for so little at the end of the month. The only benefit to me continuing to work is that it keeps the roof over our head. This system is so wrong

mumtobabygilrl · 03/02/2019 18:47

Days not says

Justmeagain123 · 03/02/2019 18:52

@mumtobabygilrl I've got to ask, "this system is so wrong"...in what way is it wrong? Earning to pay bills and survive (if that's what a job is to someone as the bare minimum) isn't that we're all supposed to do? What would you have the system do?

kashleesi · 03/02/2019 18:56

I am not in a career. I work to pay the bills. I can go into any similar role (hopefully) with no detriment to my ‘career’. Staying where I am won’t lead to bonuses and most likely not even pay rises. I would be miserable at work knowing my child was being cared for by someone else for the sake of a job I don’t want to be in. (Obviously,I’m looking into a change of job!!) my husband earns more than me and enjoys his job so, would rather keep his wage.

treaclesoda · 03/02/2019 18:59

I work in a role with a lot of responsibility and people management responsibilities for £35k per year. I know on Mumsnet that's seen as being buttons but out in the rest of the world, that's a pretty good salary surely?

Sleepyblueocean · 03/02/2019 19:19

You can't get childcare for some children and it can be more difficult the older they get.

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