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Original poster

Leaving your newborn

104 replies

Shaddow2016 · 29/01/2019 21:35

I am due to give birth on 23rd February and we have a 3 day weekend booked abroad for my husband's 40th birthday just the two of us when the baby would be approx 11 weeks old. My parents would be looking after baby but I'm just not sure how I'll feel leaving. I know they will be well looked after and I happen to think it's good them getting used to others but I'm worried when it comes to it I won't be able to leave. Has anyone else left their child for periods of time when they are that young. Thank you!

OP posts:

Lazypuppy · 29/01/2019 21:38

I did, me and my partner went to see a gig so was away from her for 2 days.

I have never struggled being away from her, especially when she is with my mum, but not everyone will feel the same.

My dd was sleeping through the night by 10 weeks so sometimes wetook her with us anyway

missesschmisses · 29/01/2019 21:40

I think it's hard to tell how you'll feel until baby is here. I had a trip booked for when my baby would have been a similar age, but he was still breast feeding through the night, wouldn't settle on anyone but me and wouldn't drink milk from a bottle. Not a very helpful response, but an honest one

Ooplesandbanoonoos · 29/01/2019 21:44

Personally I would not- my DD is 5 months old and only now I am starting to leave her for short periods e.g. a couple of hours. Sorry but i could not imagine going abroad for 3 days. Partly I just want to be with her but partly she won't take a bottle and is not a good sleeper.
So bear in mind you may not feel comfortable leaving baby or may want to but there may be feeding/ sleeping challenges (quite likely at 11 weeks) and 3 days for your parents to manage this might not work.
Good luck with the new baby and congratulations.

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INeedNewShoes · 29/01/2019 21:45

Just on practicalities, if you're breastfeeding it'll be hard. You'll have to express a lot in advance to leave 3 days worth of bottles and you will need to take a pump away with you and probably express around 6 times a day (30 minutes each session) to maintain your supply and make sure you don't get very uncomfortable or mastitis.

I was leaving DD a few hours (3-4) at a time from 8 weeks for work so I'm not at the particularly precious end of the scale but I do think I wouldn't have wanted to leave DD for a weekend that young.

It sounds as though you could possibly take your baby with you?

CakeNinja · 29/01/2019 21:48

Not overnights when they were 11 weeks but that was because one of them had colic and would scream until 9pm - 5am every single night for weeks from about 5 weeks to 3 months. That was fun. Would have been spectacularly unfair on absolutely anyone else.
The other 2 I breastfed until they were 5 and 6 months. I had booked a weekend away with a girlfriend when ds was 5 months so I was winding down feeding him anyway. He bit me and drew blood twice in the space of a few days so he sealed his own fate and I stopped feeding him.
But we did go out for meals (do and I) without them when they were small and I think our first child was 6 months when we went away for 3 nights.
I was fine to leave all of them, never had attachment issues with going, neither did they.
We did all we could so socialise them and all our family lived really locally and saw them multiple times a week when they were tiny, popping round for coffee and cuddles etc and they were all quite chilled out as babies.
It’s something you won’t know until your baby is here.
I know people who genuinely didn’t go out ever for a night out for YEARS once they had dc for all sorts of personal reasons which I respect, I just don’t share!!
Happy to leave them and go, lovely to come home to them.
Hard to be able to say though as it’s just so personal.

NickMyLipple · 29/01/2019 21:49

I was leaving DD overnight from around 9 or 10 weeks with MIL. I was absolutely flamed when I mentioned it here!

DD was bottle fed and sleeping from 6pm -6am with a dream feed around 10pm at the time.

I didn't have any problems leaving her at all, but some do.

PennyMordauntsLadyBrain · 29/01/2019 21:55

I know people who genuinely didn’t go out ever for a night out for YEARS once they had dc for all sorts of personal reasons which I respect, I just don’t share!!

Genuinely one of the most sensible things I’ve seen on one of these threads.

OP- DH and I left DD with my parents for a similar amount of time so we could head off for a weekend when she was 3 months old. It worked for us, but I trusted my parents implicitly to follow our routine, call us if there were any issues and they would have never gone rogue and decided to feed her solids or something.

I missed DD massively- I spent a lot of time gooing over photos of her on my phone. But at the same time it was fantastic DH and I getting some rest and

Surfskatefamily · 29/01/2019 21:58

I struggle to leave 10month old for more than 2hrs. Miss him so much. I dont know if 3days so early is realistic, can you reschedule?

MichelleM30 · 29/01/2019 21:58

Maybe an overnight would be doable but not 3 days. I think u will struggle with this.

You will want to go on one hand coz u need a break and cld do with a lie in and some time with ur dh but on the other hand u will worry and miss them, possibly not enjoy it as much as u think.

I left my girl for about 4/5 hours till we went to the cinema and for a meal when she was about 4months old. It was lovely but during the film I was thinking when is this going to end I want to see my baby n make sure she's ok. When we got bk to pick her up she was hysterical crying which made me feel awful she had been like that for 20mins my mil was just about to call us. As soon as I held her she stopped crying and settled down immediately. You would need to make sure that your parents see the baby often and babysit for a while so the baby knows them well enough to settle.

Nice of your parents to offer though. Could u get some money bk if u decide not to go?

PerditaNitt · 29/01/2019 21:58

How much you enjoy your time away will depend on how well you think your parents will manage. I have happily left my 6 month old with my parents overnight but not with my in laws (they have him for up to 4-5 hours in the daytime sometimes but not overnight sleeps yet).

It is only worth going away if you know you and your partner will really relax and switch off for some of the break at least. If you’re uncertain then maybe you can cancel the overseas trip and book a fancy hotel about an hour max from home for one night and do the bigger weekend away once the baby is a little older and you can enjoy the break more (and not have to worry about pumping etc)

Aquamarine1029 · 29/01/2019 21:58

Personally, I wouldn't even consider leaving my 11 week old for 2 days. No way.

BillyAndTheSillies · 29/01/2019 22:04

We first left DS overnight when he was around that age. It was totally impromptu so I didn't really have a chance to think it over.

He is nearly three and I find it harder leaving him now (DH and I try and go away once or twice a year on our own), because he realises we are gone and asks for us to come back. Until about 6 months ago he just wasn't that bothered. He was with grandparents who spoilt him, let him sleep in bed with them and let him sit up eating junk.

DS stays overnight at grandparents once or twice a week now because of childcare logistics. He's used to it for an overnight but more than 2 days and he wants us home.

See how you feel when the baby arrives, try for a few hours at a time in the lead up to it. You may struggle with three days if I'm honest, but you may really enjoy it.

Icypop · 29/01/2019 22:05

At 11 weeks my baby screamed (REALLY screamed) with colic from 7-11 every night. And woke every 1.5 hours and wouldnt settle easily...however much i might have wanted to leave him id of felt way to guilty inflicting that on anyone else, even my mum who is great with him! Hes 5 months now & ive still not left him overnight...

Nnnnnineteen · 29/01/2019 22:12

I had pnd so it was not an option for me. As long as you are happy when the time comes, enjoy your break.

Seeline · 29/01/2019 22:17

Another one with one who never took a bottle, formula or cows milk. You might find you don't have a decision to make.

Seeline · 29/01/2019 22:18

Also if baby decides not to show up on time, it may only be 9 weeks old, which is very small.

Bouncingbelle · 29/01/2019 22:19

I spent the first week of my babys life in a different hospital to him. I then spent 12 weeks leaving him every night. I've never had an issue with leaving him, so long as its with my mum. I actually find it much harder to leave him now he's 2 and more likely to miss me!

HerSymphonyAndSong · 29/01/2019 22:21

I wouldn’t have (baby who wouldn’t sleep unless cosleeping and wouldn’t take a bottle), but I have plenty of friends who had one night away - two might have been pushing it. It’s hard to say until you know your baby and your feelings. And they change very quickly so you probably wouldn’t know until a week or so before

Stuckforthefourthtime · 29/01/2019 22:27

Are you planning to breastfeed? It could be tricky.
I've had friends who've done it, and they and the baby have been fine, personally I would have found it hard. 2 of my DCs would have had some sad moments but been fine, 2 would have really struggled.

We went away for my DHs 30th with a small baby, but had us in one cottage and my parents in the next - maybe not everyone's idea of fun, but they were amazing and basically full time childcare who brought the baby over for feeds and left. Could something like that work? Or organising an experienced sitter?

Thesnobbymiddleclassone · 29/01/2019 22:27

My baby is due Feb 21 and we're going away for the night on March 23.

Leaving baby and DD with my mum and we're going. No guilt or concerns.

Anon10 · 29/01/2019 22:39

10 weeks is crazy early. I wouldn’t. They are so vulnerable at that age. What if they are ill? I didn’t leave mine overnight until he was 2 years old, and that’s because we were going into hospital to have our second!

Anon10 · 29/01/2019 22:45

Or take them with you. Then you won’t worry about leaving them, they won’t miss you, and you don’t have to cancel.

YouLikeTheBadOnesToo · 29/01/2019 23:01

I honestly don’t think you can realistically answer this until your baby is here and you see how you feel. I appreciate that doesn’t help you at all!

We had lots of offers from family to look after our little boy. Before he was here I thought I’d really appreciate the break, but once he was here I couldn’t imagine leaving him. That’s not to say others that do are wrong, it’s such a personal thing. Whatever works for you.

It could possibly depend on how you’re feeding too. I breastfed, but could never really express milk. It would have taken me a good week or so of expressing and freezing milk to get a decent enough supply for 3 days. I also found expressing really depressing, having to do it on a trip would have ruined it for me (that’s far from true of everyone though. If you are breastfeeding you might find expressing really easy don’t let that put you off).

Good luck whatever you decide, and congratulations on your new baby

Mmmhmmm · 30/01/2019 12:44

An overnight would probably be fine with people who regularly see her BUT 3 days at 11 weeks old??? Noooooo.

You'll be the center of your babies world and they'll just be coming out of the 4th trimester.

Scubalubs87 · 30/01/2019 13:23

I think it is definitely the case that you won’t really know how you are going to feel until the baby is here and it will also be quite dependant on the baby you have.

I could leave my 4 month old over night now, but I don’t, because he’s not sleeping well enough over night yet and I’d feel guilty inflicting the sleep thief on someone - no matter how willing a volunteer they were. I’m confident could be away from him for 1 night but I don’t think I could be away from him for 3 nights, not yet anyway. I do leave him fairly regularly with my MIL though - she had him this morning so that I could go to the gym and is babysitting on Saturday so that we can go out for meal. You really won’t know your limits until the baby is here.

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