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Original poster

If your child has a tantrum in a shop, do you give in?

106 replies

marymarkle · 25/01/2019 10:12

Curious. I am reading "tales from retail" and some shop staff say they often see young kids having a tantrum as they want something e.g. toy, sweets (fair enough kids tantrum), but it is very rare not to see a parent give in and give the child what they want.
I just wondered if they were exaggerating?
So if your child is having a tantrum in a shop because they want you to buy something and you have said no, do you give in and buy it anyway? ESpecially if the tantrum is loud and goes on for a long time?

OP posts:
EarthboundMisfit · 25/01/2019 10:17

No, never have and wouldn't because it would make a rod for my own back if nothing else. I'm lucky though, only one of my three children has been prone to yelling for stuff and he wasn't really loud with it. I work in healthcare and see parents having to get children to behave every day, have never seen anyone bribe them, it's usually threats of removing tablet time, which I have also done.

WinkyisbackontheButterBeer · 25/01/2019 10:19

Absolutely not.

I did see a child (7ish) calmly tell his mum that if she didn’t buy him the chocolate that he wanted he would bite her.
She gave a heavy sigh, picked it up and walked to the till. I wanted to give her a shake!

Original poster
marymarkle · 25/01/2019 10:21

Winky Wow! Parenting that child is only going to get harder the older they get.

OP posts:

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Sexnotgender · 25/01/2019 10:21

Definitely not! Only thing that teaches them is that having a tantrum gets you what you want.

Sexnotgender · 25/01/2019 10:22

Wow winkyShock that’s crazy!

Parthenope · 25/01/2019 10:22

Of course not. Why reward bad behaviour? Why teach your child that tantrumming in shops gets results?

I can imagine occasional parents giving in from exhaustion or in a huge rush, but I’d be astonished if the majority did.

Seline · 25/01/2019 10:23

Depends. My son has SN and my younger kids have medical needs. If we desperately need to get back for an appointment or something of the like, I will sometimes bribe DS1 to avoid a meltdown because the alternative is waiting hours and missing the medical appointment.

But normally, no. My DS tends to have meltdowns though (strongly suspected to have ASD among other things) which is a bit different.

MacarenaFerreiro · 25/01/2019 10:24

Never - because if you show weakness and give in, it will be 10 times worst next time they kick off.

no means no.

twirlbabytwirl · 25/01/2019 10:25

Never have never will.

formerbabe · 25/01/2019 10:25

I try not to but it's very difficult.

People are so horribly judgment. I remember my dd lying on the floor in a shopping centre screaming because I wouldn't buy her a cupcake (she'd just had a brownie in a cafe). I was standing next to her but ignoring the tantrum and I refused to give in and buy her the cake despite the looks from strangers.

I really hate people who stare at children having tantrums. My attitude to it is I will deal with the tantrum in the way which is most beneficial and helpful for my child...I have no obligation or responsibility to random strangers who just happen to be in the vicinity.

Elfinablender · 25/01/2019 10:29

No, once I've said no I'll stick to that decision regardless of the fall out but on days when I've had very little sleep or feeling unwell, I may well have said yes to something rather than no just to avoid a tantrum.

Seline · 25/01/2019 10:29

I really hate people who stare at children having tantrums. My attitude to it is I will deal with the tantrum in the way which is most beneficial and helpful for my child...I have no obligation or responsibility to random strangers who just happen to be in the vicinity.

People who do that are horrible. My DS once had a meltdown in Tesco because we'd come in a different way which was different to his routine. He threw himself on the floor and was head banging and shouting. When DS does this if you touch him or talk to him or stimulate him at all he will panic and it's 100% worse. So all I can do is make sure there's nothing nearby he can hurt himself with and wait for it to go.

I got loads of funny looks and tuts. It really pissed me off. When I see a child behaving like that my first thought is "maybe they have SN, I wonder if I can help" rather than what a naughty child.

Original poster
marymarkle · 25/01/2019 10:47

So you think the retail worker is exaggerating?

OP posts:
WinkyisbackontheButterBeer · 25/01/2019 10:48

I have to remind myself sometimes not to say no as a default answer to something. I don’t mean being bought something particularly but sometimes I think that I answer ‘no’ before really thinking about it.
There have been times when Dd has been in full screaming mode and I’ve realised that it wouldn’t have mattered if she’d had what I had already said no to.
I try to remind myself to think first.

sleepyhead · 25/01/2019 10:51

Good god, never. I do not negotiate with terrorists.

It's about the only parenting thing I learned from my grandma that I agree with. Never go back on your word in these situations. Never reward bad behaviour (but sometimes you can get creative by giving them a way out that doesn't get them what they want but will reward them calming down and moving on).

sleepyhead · 25/01/2019 10:55

I agree with Winky btw. I've definitely found myself in situations where I've said no when I could easily have said yes and it all went to shit because of it.

Original poster
marymarkle · 25/01/2019 10:56

I do not negotiate with terrorists.
I love this.

OP posts:
Seline · 25/01/2019 10:56

That's happened to me too. Where saying yes would've actually been okay for us all

gentlyscented · 25/01/2019 10:58

Nope

Sexnotgender · 25/01/2019 10:58

So you think the retail worker is exaggerating?

Not necessarily but they’re probably only reporting the ‘bad’ incidents.

I worked in hospitality for years and could fill a book with the dreadful stories I have. Doesn’t mean all my customers were assholes. They’re the ones that stick in my head primarily though.

MyBreadIsEggy · 25/01/2019 10:59

No.
If dd (3) is tantrumming in a supermarket, I sit her on the floor and let her crack on with the tantrum until she’s finished. I dont give in and give her what she wants, and I don’t pander to the tantrum either. Just let her get on with t and don’t give the tantrum any acknowledgement.
DS is 2, and is only just hitting the tantrum stage, so haven’t had to tackle it in public yet, but I’ll deploy the same tactic with him.

kabs · 25/01/2019 11:01

Interested to know what people do instead then. Mine is still a bit young for tantrums but getting there soon I think. I've actually never seen this happen in real life so wouldn't have the first idea what to do. I am quite stubborn and hard to embarrass, so would be happy to just wait it out if that is the done thing?

Let's say she's lying on the floor screaming and thrashing in a shop - what do I do next?

Sexnotgender · 25/01/2019 11:02

Lay down beside him and join in.

thehorseandhisboy · 25/01/2019 11:02

Thing is, we all 'know' that we shouldn't negotiate with terrorists or whatever, so generally people don't admit to having done it, or they won't on this thread.

I completely agree with the usefulness of avoiding saying 'no' in the first place and, if you do have to, to explain why in a factual way.

PerfectPeony · 25/01/2019 11:02

I do not negotiate with terrorists

This is my new parenting mantra from now on. Grin

I have a 7 month old who already throws tantrums so god knows how much worse it’s going to get.