If your child has a tantrum in a shop, do you give in?

[marymarkle]

Curious. I am reading "tales from retail" and some shop staff say they often see young kids having a tantrum as they want something e.g. toy, sweets (fair enough kids tantrum), but it is very rare not to see a parent give in and give the child what they want.
I just wondered if they were exaggerating?
So if your child is having a tantrum in a shop because they want you to buy something and you have said no, do you give in and buy it anyway? ESpecially if the tantrum is loud and goes on for a long time?

I’d have to say it depends.

Ds1 has some whoppers that I rode through (and people, including retail assistants, were absolute judgemental shits) but I did take note of what kind of things set him off and tried to get ahead of him the next time.

Certain shops were a guaranteed meltdown (he has asd and probably was reacting to lighting or something) but for a normal supermarket shop I’d try and go when he wasn’t tired, overwrought or hungry. I gave him bits to eat out of the trolley as we walked round and paid for the wrappers. And at a push, if I could feel a meltdown coming I’d get him to “earn” a treat by asking nicely (in whatever form he was capable of), and as he got older got him to wait until we paid.

But keeping ahead of him was exhausting and it’s just not always possible.

Sometimes shopping at 4am in tesco after a nightfeed was a more attractive option. I’m pretty sure that counts as giving in.

Ds2 didn’t tantrum in shops but specialized in running away and hiding instead.

Anytime I see a tantrum I try and give a sympathetic smile and move on, grateful it’s not me today.

My DS did some amazing tantrums back in the toddler years. Proper screaming while trying to negotiate out the shop. Baskets of stuff I could have really done with getting abandoned because standing in a queue with a full on melt down going on in the buggy just wasn't worth it. I'd just pop in somewhere else for the crucial bits once he'd calmed down!
Whenever I see a tantruming toddler in shops I feel only sympathy for the parent.

But.... When I see older kids having a big strop and parents giving in... Then I'm afraid I do judge.

No, never.

We didn’t have many tantrums. I used to say cheerfully ‘no, and that’s the end of it’ calmly and firmly and quickly distract.

And I would set the parameters from the outset, and pro actively say if we would have a treat that day. So “We will go to the park / shopping and then choose an ice cream’. ‘Today we can choose a toy / book with the money Grandad gave you ‘. If I didn’t say that, it wasn’t on the cards.

We never give in to tantrums. They probably mostly see parents give in because the kids who's parents don't give in will, more often than not, stop bothering having tantrums if it doesn't get a response. Learned behaviour and all that. If your kid has a tantrum and gets what they want they're more likely to try it every time, hence why they see that more.

Obviously that's not necessarily the case if there are additional needs, and I'm not judging. Kids can be shits sometimes 🤷🏻‍♀️

Never. Now mine are a little older I usually try to embarrass them into stopping by saying how everyone must be watching and thinking how naughty they are being. not sure how effective that is.