Men on a post natal ward

[RogueV]

The guy in the next bay is pissing me right off.
He just asked the midwife for a bed. Dick.

Why are they allowed to stay anyway? Shouldn’t they be going home?

Sorry just ranting.

What domestic abuse?

Actually, a quick AS of itsyersel’s contributions to Mumsnet shows that pretty much all of them are calling people “wet blankets” or “fucking nutters” and complaining that women aren’t nicer to their men. So probably not worth engaging with.

You're correct EwItsAHooman.
Sorry.

Just because you have chosen to go out with dicks don't tar everybodies partner with the same shitty brush you got!
So don't tet and be smart! And don't bring everybody down to your level.*

It was just the one abusive relationship I had, the others were just examples of men I've come across. Love the casual victim blaming though, goes well with your easy-going misogyny ... which speaks volumes about what a partner of yours might be like I suppose.

What does 'don't tet and be smart?' mean, I've not come across 'tet' as an insult before.

Seline comes across as a self important spoilt brat. God knows how she managed to bear a midwife assisting her births when the Archangel Gabriel should have been in attendance instead. Along with her loving indulgent family of course

I was unconscious actually, as I had to have a category 1 cesarean and nearly died in the process. Thank you for stating I'm a spoilt brat for preferring my family to care for me rather than strangers I don't know, who provided the negligent care in the first place that led to DD being born with apgars of 1.

Oh for goodness sake seline your family may be the most hygienic people around.
But what you are doing is generalising your family your circumstances and applying it to everyone. Which is dangerous. As some husbands will be abusive, uneducated and scruffy, turning up at post natal wards contaminating the spaces, taking over and intimidating the patients.

The midwives can’t screen for canny husband joe bloggs who washes his hands, hasn’t got a hacking cough, will respect everyone’s privacy and wouldn’t harm a fly. Compared to vile abusive scum bag filth.

You wouldn’t allow random people of any sex access to a nursery or 24 hour access to any other kind of hospital ward. So why are they allowed to roam post natal wards, where yes the newborns mother may be present, but she may also be still under the influence of medication, physically incapacitated and exhausted. It has the potential to be a serious safeguarding issue.

Try and think about if you had another child, and you had no childcare so your husband had to stay with your existing child. You have no choice but to stay on the post natal ward alone.
You’ve had a terrible birth can barely move and are very vulnerable. Even if you have the money to pay there are no private rooms available.
Would you want some scruffy abusive arsehole who happens to be the husband of the lady next to you hanging around near your bed 25 hours a day when you are at your most vulnerable?

Even if you can get up to the toilet it means you will have to leave your newborn next to him.
If you can’t, the nurse will have to bring you a bed pan while he’s right there on the other side of the curtain.
Whereas if he was only there for two hours on an evening, it minimises the impact on you.

You just can’t see past your own family and circumstances.

On balance, I've changed my mind. I'd prefer the visitors not to stay overnight. After reading the thread, it's occurred to me that if I ever have another baby, DH will need to stay at home with DC1.

The thought of him not being there with my first was very scary, but the thought of random people off the street having access to my baby while I'm asleep and unaware is scarier.

Unicorn I'm not saying that's an ideal situation at all. But there are equally distressing scenarios like mine where I'd have been in a terrible situation without my family to support me and to notice I was hemhorraging. There isn't an easy answer and I'm not saying all visitors are perfect but leaving the vulnerable without family support at a difficult time isn't a great solution.

I wonder where the voices of Muslim women are in this debate. I can't imagine them being willing to be in a situation like this.

I mentioned earlier in the thread about women who may not be able to be around unknown men for religious reasons. Their rights don’t trump those of Seline and co not to be without their man was the upshot.

Look, people, you just need to get this through your heads: NO ONE has gone through what Seline has or might do should she procreated again! I mean, the royal wing of the Lido? No way, that whole hospital should clear out, and take those nasty HCPs with them!

But Costner I don't think you can blame breastfeeding for any of this.

aeth think you're being incredibly rude and disrespectful considering me and my daughter nearly died and my daughter may have long term consequences. I haven't called anyone names, simply disagreed with a view.

On the last two occasions when I gave birth staff were nowhere to be seen. I had c-sections and found it difficult to get out of bed for the first few hours, and the midwife gave me too much medication which meant I was totally out of it. I don’t remember the first two days of my second DD’s life.

I thank god my DH was there to help look after the babies, because no one else was around, and I was incapable. The lady opposite me had an EMCS and sat crying hysterically in bed because she didn’t have the use of her legs yet, her baby was screaming and no help to be found. My DH was then told off by a midwife hours later for passing her baby to her! Perhaps the midwife should have been there in the first place?

Both horrific experiences. It annoys me when people complain about partners on the wards - sure there will be some jerks, but the majority of men are there to help out their wives and partners, and take care of the new baby - in my experience there was absolutely no one else to help.

Seline you have me-railed this entire thread and I am far from the only one to have pointed this out, there are now numerous posts regarding this .

The solution to the whole debate is obviously limited visiting and no partners overnight but wards where HCPs and other staff are available in abundance to assist with anything you need, get you water, watch baby while you pee/shower, help you establish feeding or even make you formula if you wish.

I haven't called anyone names

I haven't, either .

I've explained why women need their partner in certain circumstances aerth.

I actually couldn't give a crap about the breastfeeding debate. But from my own experience and observation, bfing women had it a lot harder.

I've rarely entered into such debates, but have stated that I'm happy that I did it but would never do it again. Even if I had my time back, I'd have formula fed.
But when you're breastfeeding, your milk comes through and you've milk pouring down you and men gawping at you like you're some sort of chimpanzee. That's my argument.

Seline. Aeth isn't the only one who has passed comment.
But she isn't the one who has managed to look down on others while applauding her family.

I haven't looked down on anyone.

Unicorn I'm not saying that's an ideal situation at all. But there are equally distressing scenarios like mine where I'd have been in a terrible situation without my family to support me and to notice I was hemhorraging. There isn't an easy answer and I'm not saying all visitors are perfect but leaving the vulnerable without family support at a difficult time isn't a great solution.

So then surely the only solution is better staffed wards?
That would protect all patients newborns and mums.

Seline, you have continually expounded repeatedly why you in particular require only family to administer to your healthcare needs in a hospital setting, and as a result everyone else needs to accommodate that should happenstance mean they give birth at the same time, far beyond needing one's partner overnight in a hospital setting.

How's it going op? Sorry you're having to put up with this. I'd have hated that when I had my baby.

unicorn better staffed wards and more private rooms

But seline, you were in a private room, rightly. So isn't your point moot/irrelevant? People are talking about men being around them on shared wards, where there is no privacy or dignity.
I only started responding to you when you said you were annoyed at other patients using YOUR bathroom.