Being a single mum is proper graft isn't it - come on in single mums

[Janeyscleavage]

And no you can't join if you 'feel like a single mum because your husband works long hours'

MonaChopsis, I first started leaving my daughter alone so that I could run when she was 11. Before that, some strategies that worked well were her biking alongside me while I ran, we could do this around quiet local streets; or her rollerblading while I ran around the park (we are lucky in that we have a very well maintained, safe park across the road). The most fun way of getting training though was to give her a whistle, notebook, stopwatch and pen. She would sit on a bench and coach me through a training session - time how long it would take me to do a lap (of roughly 400m around the park) and set me tasks like sprinting 100m. Afterwards we would come home and she would draw a graph that showed how my times were (or weren't!) improving.

Hats off to all the single mum's out there! Huge respect to you all. My mum brought four of us up on her own, we all know where our love and loyalty lie.

Sounds dreadful hamster. I remember in the earlyish days of being a single parent DD and I were both ill. We lay around with Disney DVD's on and I ordered a takeaway on my phone as was just too ill to even think about cooking but we were both hungry. I ordered Diet Coke with it which I shared with DD. Was considering it a particular low point in my parenting career when she lowered it further by raising her glass and saying "I'm pretending mine is wine" always makes me laugh now though!
Ilove - smile and wave, smile and wave (through gritted teeth).

Mona Before I read your whole question I was going to be on the side of 'no, you can't leave your DD', but reading on, I would totally do it.

I also have a 9yo and I leave him for about 10 mins while I pop to the shop. He has also started to go to the park and around the village with his friends (no adult) - telling you this to give you an idea of his maturity.

I love to run, and while I probably could leave him alone for 30 mins, I don't go to the park for laps, but out into the country lanes. I don't feel comfortable doing that yet and know I would not enjoy the run which would be counter productive.

But you are in a single space, not far from home. While you could take her with you and do as themost suggests (which sounds fun) this would not appeal to me as my run time is time AWAY from DS (away from everyone in fact!). It would be fun and get the training in, but not tick the 'head space' box.

I have also done run/cycle with DS which works well.

So, I think what you're suggesting is fine if she is happy to be left alone.

mona I live in a tiny village and like FV45 sometimes I'll nip out to the village shop - eldest is 8. Tbf if they're watching TV or playing a game they barely register I've gone. They also walk to and from school and go out playing on their own with other kids in the village. I do admit I get a bit twitchy... nonetheless they've grown up mature and confident. So from me, yes - I'd leave her whilst you go out for a run with the caveat: no cooking + no baths!

This will give you all the heebie-jeebies - but I used to live very rurally and remotely and by the sea. Children there would frequently play out from 3/4 (!) and as a group allowed to the beach - but only if at least 2 of the group were what you'd call "responsible". Not for the tiny ones, but from age 6 upwards. And no paddling over knees and obviously only on calm days and if anyone goes NEAR the cliffs we'll kill them ourselves! But they come home with pockets full of mussels they've taken from rocks. We often laugh that "city parents" would be BEYOND horrified! But then it seems strange to me that there are those who won't let a 16 year old catch the bus to school... I suppose environment does have an awful lot to do with it. In a tiny village there really is a lot more "it takes a whole village to raise a child".

hamster I got proper flu one year when they were 5 & 3 and I barely got out of bed for 72 hours. The eldest didn't get sick and he made sarnies for his little brother - I was so proud of him, yet immensely ashamed I couldn't look after them. I get a flu jag every year now because I don't ever want to put them in that position again.

Single mum here

I forgot to put the bins out last week so I'm having to go to the tip today to get rid of my general waste due to this. I swear I thought I'd put them out.

Only 1 DD here but she's got SN so I drown in paperwork. I also need to ring her paediatrician...that's been on my list for awhile.

Mona it is a hard one isn't it. I would definitely have fallen foul of the court of MN on leaving my children younger than the general consensus seems to be. However, you know your DD best and so you are the best judge of what she can reasonably handle.

I used to leave DS when he was 8 to take DD to her ballet class. I was probably gone for 15 / 20 minutes and I don't think he moved from the TV for a single second. I tooled him up with the long list of instructions (which I made him repeat out loud, so I knew he'd got them all) about not opening the door to anyone, if the house suddenly and incredibly unexpectedly burst into flames to stand in the back garden and dial 999, not to sit in the window of the front room, not to answer the main house phone, not to do anything at all in the kitchen (I left him with a pile of snacks) not to tell a single soul in the whole world that I left him on his own and so on!!!!!

It was all fine. The house was never burgled in those minutes, it didn't burst into flames and he sat like an exhausted zombie in front of the TV.

Napssavelives I'm a great believer in "incentivising" jobs you want children to do. This is basically bribery of course, but I always found it was only needed in the short term and then the help became a habit and doesn't need the bribery any more. So for helping tidy up, I'd promise an extra story (short one of course) or an extra long bath with all the both toys, or if I was really desperate and lacking imagination a percy pig or small snack (because I know you're not supposed to use food). It didn't always work and some days they'd just be too tired to be "incentivised" but more often than not it did and in a few weeks it just became the norm for them to help tidy up before they went to bed.

I did not know I might be able to get help with childcare until DS2 is 12.

I'm not sure why I didn't know this.

I have just applied. I pay £200 month on a normal (ie non school holiday) month. I LOVE my CM and so does DS (I previously had lots of trouble finding a setting DS was happy in after school) so it's really enabled me to get on with my work, but if I can get some tax relief that would be very welcome.

Struggling to focus today.

The curse of the single parent strikes again. Got a letter today about a hospital appointment for next week - hurrah I'm being seen -and hurrah it's a late morning appointment. But... it's an hour's drive away and if there are any delays whatsoever I may not be home for schools out... I have to chance it - you don't pass up hospital appointments. Arse.

Zig That would really stress me out and I'd have to put something in place. Do you have an after school club you can use on an ad hoc basis?

Nope. I'm going to tell the ex that if I'm going to be late home he'll have to be there for them. He finishes work at 2 and is 40 minutes away so that should give him time. He'll probably charge me petrol...

Single mom probs - fell asleep with the kids at nap time and burnt our dinner

#wouldsellmysoulfor8hourssleep

Oh knickers, did you manage to salvage dinner or did you have to start again or did you (as I would have done) throw it out and resort to beans on toast?

We are having McDonald’s for supper tonight.... I just can’t summon up anything more elaborate than drive through.My brother came to see us as we have some crappy family stuff going on, and I really don’t want him to leave. We aren’t even close. It’s nice just having someone to talk to! Anyway, I have an hour before I have to pick Ds uo from school so I’m going to nip home and blitz the house. Hope everyone else is having a good day

I tend to cook double servings of meals, which means that once or twice a week we're able to eat home cooked meals without me having to slave over the stove. Still each far too much processed crap though, I enjoy fish'n'chip Friday far more now than I did as a kid, just for the sheer luxury of not having to think about what to make!!

Just realised I haven't got the ingredients for what I was going to cook for tea tomorrow. So it'll be fish fingers, chips and beans again, oops! That's twice this week.

I'm usually good but having a very busy few weeks. Will get back on it after half term.

@TheOrigFV45 burnt pots were fucked out the back door! House stinks. Friend came and provided dinner.

Potty training kid peed & pooed themselves.

Baby vomited 3 times.

Hell of a hump day

@MonaChopsis it was a weeks worth of dinners for the kids as I was meal prepping! So double whammy 🤦🏼‍♀️

73 cuts on her arm, dd1 is self harming, the school knows and all they do is "mediation". And all the bullies do is say it's dd1's "fault, she causes it" wonder where I've heard that before.

DD1 is talking to me about it, when she wants to cut and I try to do something to distract her. But in 2 hours she'll be back in that environment where all the shit happens.

I'm tired, I dont really know what to do. In 2 hours I'm at my desk, trying to juggle all this. I can't ask my X for any support because guess what I'll hear. "It's all your fault, you caused this".

Just getting it off my chest.

disney I'm so sorry for your DD (and you).
What support outside of school does she get?
It's so good that she talks to you about it.

Of course you didn't cause it.

TheOrigFV45

At this moment, not much I'm trying to talk to the school. Last week they did mediation except the bullies now have it in for dd1 and are threatening to beat her up because she grassed on them.

Were just about to come off a Child protection plan and the at risk register, so support for the dds is winding down at this moment.

It's difficult all people seem to do is nod their heads agree that it's not right and dd1 gets left in limbo.

Somehow I need to find the time to get this all sorted.

Disney, that's really hard - your poor dd. I'm shocked that the school is doing so badly. Worth firing off a letter of complaint to the school governors? It puts pressure on the school to do better.

For the self-harming, would it help your dd to snap an elastic band on her wrist rather than cut? She gets the relief of the pain (I know, I know, but it's a coping strategy) without scarring/possible infection. She might go for it if she wants to wear t-shirts this summer.

Not a single Mum myself, but I was brought up by an amazing one.
Just to say all you wonderful women do an incredible job - I am in awe of each and every one of you.

disney Are you self-employed? If yes, maybe you could consider a bit of home-schooling - with a large emphasis on what they call "un-schooling" for a while. You could get her through her GCSEs and then consider college options (or whatever).

It all sounds awful for all of you and it is NOT your fault. Ever!

I'm fuming. I have a birthday party booked at a posh hotel for Saturday pm. I booked it a few weeks back and they said they'd send a confirmation email, get food orders and take my money. Obviously nobody's phoned. The "events" number goes straight to voicemail - which nobody ever responds to. Even the main fucking reception won't pick up - although is it main reception? There are so many fucking press-1 to be re-routed to a line never answered, press-2 to be on hold for 6 years, press-3 to speak to nobody, press-4 to get through to the Carlsberg complains line (you'd have to be old to remember that!).

So I've fired off a shitty email asking if they want to be paid or not.

Yes!

My daughter goes to her dad's one night a week (the weeks that he is fit to have her that is 🙄) and people go on like I have the life of Riley getting a night a week to myself. Eh hello, I do everything else all week long on my own!

I don't think we get nearly as much credit as we should, it's bloody hard work!