Being a single mum is proper graft isn't it - come on in single mums

[Janeyscleavage]

And no you can't join if you 'feel like a single mum because your husband works long hours'

Sorry to hear about all the colds there are some nasty ones going about this year. It's my eldest birthday today. Feel a bit guilty I can't afford much for her but we went out for a meal this evening which was nice. Youngest is away for the night with his club so going to watch some films this eve.

Normally my point of view is that it's lovey living alone. I love the freedom. I love having my own house and my own space. I love being a single mum. I feel strong and positive about my role.

Today, I feel sad and lonely. I feel like there's no point. I feel like no one would notice if I just vanished.

Evening all

Sorry to hear people are feeling poorly. I had quite a nice day with the kids, even though it’s so cold!

Feeling irritated as ex asked to come and see the kids last night and take DS swimming. I agreed even though I didn’t want to partic as knew the kids would like it. Said to drop DS off and then leave. Of course he came in and then the kids wanted him to stay for bed etc etc.

Then he texted me this morning to say he came down with the flu last night. I have health anxiety re the kids so am now getting worked up that they will have caught it and uneccesarily! Obviously rationally I know they could just as easily get it when out and about today and there isn’t anything I can do anyway. I think it’s because I’m now doubly annoyed at myself and my rubbishness at keeping boundaries in place with him. And I can’t face them being ill again.

ilovemilton check in with us here, I promise I would notice

Hope everyone’s evening is okay? I’ve had a weird day. Foster charge has been in surgery all day, life changing stuff. She’s still in theatre now, but due out any time now. Ive has 3 panic attacks today. Just feel like I’m running on adrenaline today!

ilovemilton so sorry you are feeling down. I know how you feel - those days when it seems like you are invisible. take care.

Hey you two just made me cry. That's the first genuine concern about me as a human that I think I've had this week!

@ilovemilton sorry you're feeling that way. Has it been a crap week in general or something specific ?

Falling out with friends and changing jobs. My adult life all seems to be falling apart and I don't feel that anything I do has any meaning.

I think of life as a deck of cards, trying to build something but it just keeps falling down . We juggle and build and provide and shit it's hard. But when those relationships around us fall apart too then it can seem just a bit too much.
Change of job - a positive thing or not?

ilovemilton, I reckon we can all identify with that here on some level. You definitely aren’t invisible. I hope it gets better for you.

I love being a single parent most of the time but I’m finding that as my boys get older they are wanting to spend less and less time with me. I know it’s normal but as I single mum it gets lonely! I felt so, so down today. I took myself to Homebase to snap myself out of it but it took until 4pm to muster up the enthusiasm!
I work hard all week, full time in a demanding job. After work I’m walking the dog, cooking dinner (I do insist on dinner together) being taxi mum to clubs etc.
On Saturdays I’m ferrying to football matches, I actually enjoy that. But the rest of the weekend they want to chill or go out with mates.....because they are 14 and 16! So I’m hanging around, doing housework, boring stuff. The youngest is at an age where I don’t feel I can bugger off for the day and leave him for hours.
I guess I’m feeling less needed. Which is sad because they are my world. I need to get a life 😬

I’m actually insisting on a movie night tonight! I’ve got pizza and nibbles for dinner....

But what else is exciting enough for teen boys to want to do with their mum? Any ideas?

Losing previous job was definitely negative. As was all the friends that vanished. New job is hopefully positive. Just a bit overwhelming. And the unexpected gap has meant money worries for the first time ever. Lost closest friend as well through other issues.

@Hmm12121

What you’re doing sounds lovely
They don’t look to their mum for excitement! So don’t worry about thinking up exciting things. Pizza and a film of their choice (that you don’t mind), that’s perfect

@ilovemilton change like a new job is always daunting, especially when you haven’t got someone to talk through all the irrational worries! Hopefully within a few weeks you will have settled right in and it will bring new people into your life.

Just got my two to sleep. Trying to decide whether to be good and have a herbal tea or crack open the mini bottle of wine I’ve got. Been trying not to drink in the house much and would probably sleep better with just the tea. Really fancy a glass of red though!

Marking my place. I'm going out of my mind in isolation. I work largely alone and at weekends I'm stuck with the dc's. We do the odd parkrun and some activities but DD has a meltdown if I talk to other people 🤷‍♀️ .

Oh I needed you fabulous bunch tonight. Was feeling very much the worst mum ever after a day of being shouty mcshouty to my poor 4 year old (who has been pretty vile today but still, she's 4 ffs). Feeling slightly less guilty now, sometimes doing absolutely everything with no help from anyone, ever, means you're bound to get a bit shouty right? Hope everyone has a good day tomorrow - well as good as Sunday's can be anyway!

I so identify with lots on here. My 2 are secondary age now, but xh left when they were 1 and 3, claiming that our lives at home were too mundane. prior to this he worked away so there was relatively little adjustment to make.

I work full time, have studied for professional qualifications to get my career back on track and frankly, I'm now just bloody exhausted to the point of tears a lot of the time. I've tried to cut back on non essential commitments but the dcs had 5 sports fixtures between them last week, and the logistics were awful to sort out between work, a car share arrangement and the icy weather.

We then had a freak car accident which could have been really serious and I'm ready to go into permanent hibernation.

I don't remember things ever feeling this hard. I'm normally quite cheerful and resilient and I'm lucky in many ways, but I'm suddenly just so tired of just doing it all.

Mrs3S I'll get there - it was all pretty shocking. It was totally unexpected and an awful shock which nobody saw coming - I was still getting parcels delivered of stuff for her. :( I've been idly window-shopping but not ready to commit again yet... even though it's really the only thing "I" have that doesn't revolve around herding cats.

unexepected We're all still kicking after god knows how many years between us. You don't need to trust again - there are no hard and fast rules. Some want to start dating almost immediately, others say "nah, not for me". Do whatever works for you and it'll all work itself out.

Spent over a week's "child maintenance" yesterday on yet more essential school clothes etc. At this rate there will be FUCK ALL left for getting my nails done/spa days/designer dogs/etc.

One of mine had a sleepover last night and the only way I could stop them zipping up and down the stairs 500 times was to physically crawl into bed myself to remove the FOMO they all seemed to be having. FOMO = me sipping water in the kitchen trying to sync mind and body - not actually having a jelly & trifle party and watching action-packed films!

And then you realise you're actually doing a great job as sleepover child asked me to put toothpaste on his toothbrush as he couldn't do it... I'd have lost my shit over that literally years ago! (Child in question is just shy of 10... that might be totally normal in the world of others - but like I say, I'd have lost my shit with my kids a loooong time ago!).

yorkshirepud That sounds awful and I hope you're OK and that it's not going to be too much of a nightmare to sort out. When you're teetering on the edge of everything being too much - for me, it'll always be something like an insurance claim will send me more over the edge than the actual accident iyswim. If you're normally very resilient then hopefully you'll bounce back this week.

Need to reset this morning. Had a dream last night in which I was single and met this guy - so weird as not even tho king about dating in real life! And obvs no kids in the dream. When the DC came in though I didn’t want to wake up - just wanted to stay in that dream. It was like I just felt so strongly I didn’t want to have to go into my reality. Just didn’t want to do it.

Sounds completely crazy but I can’t seem to shake it off either. It’s like it’s reminded me of what I’ve lost ( not ex but the person I was, the freedom, having fun) and even more strangely got me dwelling on how it’s quite likely I will never be loved by someone who has chosen to love me/be with me. Most of the time this doesn’t bother me at all but I don’t know why the dream has really got to me.

As a result I’ve been grumpier with the kids as well - came down and they’d blocked the toilet with wipes that shouldn’t flush. Really can’t afford another plumber visit ( have had 2 in the last weeks) and I really got angry.

Need a coffee and to somehow get with reality and get a grip.

Am in floods of tears.

DS just puked.
Stood top of stairs, said he felt ill, I said "GO TO BATHROOM", but no - he lay on his bed and did it all over everything.

I lost it. Bathroom was 30cm the his left.
Next two days buggered. I was SO looking forward to a few hrs this afternoon with him at friends so I could run and study. I have a course tomorrow.

Now housebound and cleaning up vom instead. I feel so, so alone.

Oh FV45 I’m so sorry.

That’s bloody awful. Don’t feel bad about losing it, it’s no wonder.

Give yourself a minute, once you’ve cleaned up maybe turn the day into a lazy day?

Or, if it’s frustrating st the thought of being limited, wrap DS up on the sofa and give him a bucket and do a job you’ve not had time for? I was feeling shit on Friday to attempted to ‘Marie Kondo’ my clothes, oddly it made my head feel much better?

But in the meantime,

crumpets I give you "who gives a crap" - it doesn't block toilets. It's fucking amazing!

My ex best friend is currently skiing somewhere fabulous with tons of £££ to drop. We used to ski a few weeks together every year and she always yearned for kids more than I did I think. We fell out. In the interim I had mine and she had ovarian cancer. The grass is always greener.

But once in a while I desire that freedom - and to meet someone worthy.

FV45 Totally get you. A couple of Xmas's ago I went to bed on Xmas eve about 10:30 after wrapping presents (I know, I know) and at half-past midnight I heard the sound of my eldest pouring a glass of water on the landing... took my brain a few seconds to catch up - not water! :( Then as I was on my hands and knees dealing with that he leaned over the rail of his top bunk and let go - covering almost everything within a 6' radius - including his sleeping brother. I had to clean and decant my youngest to my bed and my eldest and I slept downstairs as I couldn't risk him trashing any more beds.

And nobody made me a fucking drink afterwards to deal with it.

And after you've cleaned up the sick someone will say "I'm hungry/can you wipe my bum/but mum...!/I can't find my...".

That is what being a single parent is all about - so solidarity to you sister!

ZigZag . I’ve had two coffees and am back into acceptance mode! I don’t have regrets because really what’s the point - but sometimes I do look back and just think I wish I’d been braver when I was younger!

Sitting on the sofa and realised I can smell cat wee. Grrrrrr....

FV45 oh no it’s horrible when a potential break gets snatched from you. Hopefully your DS will pick up quickly