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Original poster

What is it like to have a Dad that loves you?

106 replies

AbsentmindedWoman · 14/01/2019 14:15

Just curious really.

It's not something I had myself, nor did I have any 'father figure' relationships with paternal fondness. I used to crave having a dad when I was young.

I don't crave that anymore, but sometimes it strikes me as peculiar that I cannot remotely comprehend what it must be like to have one. Obviously, I have friends who have good relationships with their dads, but I have never had a conversation with them about what it's like.

What does it feel like? Is there a difference in the relationship you have with your mum?

OP posts:

letsdolunch321 · 14/01/2019 14:18

I have a dad, he has never told me he is proud of me or loves me.

My relationship with my mum waS wonderful, she passed 20 years ago- it was like a part of my heart died when she passed away.

sonlypuppyfat · 14/01/2019 14:23

Someone said to my DH who would you like to have a meal with living or dead he said sonlys Dad. My dad was my hero a really kind loving man. We used to sit cuddled up on the sofa and we'd game about and laugh all the time. He was the only person I could fall out with because I knew he loved me. He would have walked on broken glass to be with me , he died too young 20 years ago and I miss him every day

SuziQ10 · 14/01/2019 14:28

Mine makes me feel safe. If anything bad happens he has always been there to help me and make me feel better, it's like a safety net.
Doesn't always say a lot. But that's ok.

We don't agree on a lot of things and have argued over the years. We have different opinions on things and that's ok. It's a comfort knowing I can call Dad and he'll always be pleased to speak with me. And he loves his grandchildren and that makes me feel happy.

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Families

MissMalice · 14/01/2019 14:31

I suppose it depends who your dad is and how he loves you.
I have a very difficult relationship with my mum. She has a volatile temper.
My dad was calm and gentle and strong and steady. He accepted me for who I am. He was also absent for a lot of my life which I know he regretted.

Justgivemesomepeace · 14/01/2019 14:37

Mines like a big comfort blanket. He'd do anything for us. Hes not in the best of health any more but he was the one that rescued me a couple of weeks ago when i got trapped in the bathroom, then got me a new door and hung it. Im very aware of time ticking away and cant bear the thought of him not being around.
Hes never judged, not even my crazy sister who has me shaking my head and rolling my eyes regularly. He just calmly and quietly plods on in the background, listening to our dramas, bailing my sister out and fixing my house! Loves the grandkids to bits and they adore him.

x2boys · 14/01/2019 14:40

I love my Dad to bits and I know he loves me he's not particularly demonstrative and he never says I love you neither does my mum for that matter (I think this is a generational thing?)but they would do anything for me and my kids and that's what matters

Original poster

AbsentmindedWoman · 14/01/2019 14:41

These accounts of good dads are making me smile Thank you for sharing how it feels.

OP posts:

Hoppinggreen · 14/01/2019 14:42

No Idea but I could ask the dc

Original poster

AbsentmindedWoman · 14/01/2019 14:42

Totally agree that love gets expressed different ways, it doesn't have to be verbal. You know when somebody thinks the world of you, from how they treat you.

OP posts:

Nesssie · 14/01/2019 14:43

As a pp has put, my dad makes me feel 'safe'. He is and always will be there to help me.

My mum is the emotional one, my dad is the practical one. If I want someone to listen to me, cry with me, empathise - that's my Mum. If I need a practical solution - Dad.

Hes not too good at expressing emotion, but he really goes above and beyond to help me whenever I need it.

x2boys · 14/01/2019 14:45

I have more in common with my Dad ,we are both big readers,interested in common affairs etc so I feel I can have more interesting conversation with him I get on well my mum too but I like talking to my Dad

shinny · 14/01/2019 14:47

My Dad is intelligent and kind. He's been a huge support to me and I often seek him out for advice. He says it as it is yet never interferes.

Growing up he was fairly laid back about things that my Mum would go mad about but I remember uni friends saying they wished they had a Dad like mine and I was so proud.

He is a great laugh and quite soft. We take the p out of each other yet know how much we care too.

GoldenHoops · 14/01/2019 14:50

My dad never told me he loved me, or that is was proud of me and he could be a right grumpy miserable sod. However he was always there if I needed him. When ds2 died he did everything he could to support us.At his funeral his friends came up to me and told me how he was always talking about me and how proud he was of the job I did. I miss him and his grumpyness everyday

ComtesseDeSpair · 14/01/2019 14:54

My dad has never said he loves me, and I doubt he ever will; but he’s helped me move house countless times, painted rooms, put furniture together, fixed my cars. He’s never messaged to ask me how I am; but he’ll message to tell me about something he’s heard about which might be useful to me, or with advice when my washing machine has broken down. I know he would do anything for me and I’d only have to ask. Love is a “doing” word for my dad. And I guess that’s why it feels like to be loved.

JustAPenny · 14/01/2019 15:04

My Dad is great. I don't have a mother and never have. I get on really well with my Dad, he's a great person and I would like him even if he wasn't my Dad. He's a fantastic grandad and my kids adore him. Between him and his wife they have 18 grandkids and they love, know and make time for them all. DH says he hit the jackpot getting my Dad as a FIL.

Flowerfae · 14/01/2019 15:13

aww some of these posts are lovely. I don't know my dad, well I do but my mum and him divorced when I was a baby and he's never bothered seeing me. He has a family now and I get on with my half-siblings, he's still not bothered though. I have tried organising to meet up a few times but he said he didn't have the time to. He said he 'doesn't like using the phone' so can't call me. I've stopped trying It's been 4 years since I last spoke to him (11 year gap before that)

Greystar · 14/01/2019 15:17

my dad is far from perfect but I know he loves me ( he doesn't say it, when I say it to him he says 'you too' as pp above think this is generational thing) but I can tell he likes to hear it and he's always thinking of me, whenever I visit he has a collection of things he's been putting aside for me, all small things but it shows he cares, he's also always wanted the best for me and encouraged me to believe in myself and helps where he can.

YahBasic · 14/01/2019 15:19

I am his personality double - he and my mum have said how much it scares them sometimes at how alike we are.

He makes me feel like I can do anything and he backs me 100%. He is pretty much the first person I want to call (after DH) when I have good or bad news. We can have deep & meaningful conversations, ponder the meaning of life, debate politics, laugh at something stupid and sit in comfortable silence watching the football.

He has a brilliant moral compass and a wicked sense of humour. And I know that he will be there for me as long as he can. And god willing, that is many, many more years.

Toddlerteaplease · 14/01/2019 15:22

My dad is lovely. It's his fault that I'm addicted to mumsnet as he introduced me to AIBU . It's our in joke between the two of us. Drives my sister and mum up the wall when we talk in mumsnetease!
He's a good source of sound advice and practical help when needed.

Toddlerteaplease · 14/01/2019 15:23

He's a nightmare backseat driver though!

Flatbellyfella · 14/01/2019 15:24

It's the same for anyone who has lost their father AbsentmindedWoman, my father died when I was a young lad, & I grew up longing for a father figure to guide me through my teenage years, my mother stayed a widow without any male company. I now have two adult girls & two granddaughters , who I love dearly, & as others have said " I would walk over broken glass for them

ForalltheSaints · 14/01/2019 15:26

I am aware that father/daughter relationships are different from father/son, so will out of fairness mention that I am a man.

My dad died seven years ago and I had a good relationship with him. He was the only independent person I felt I could ever talk about any work issue on the few times I needed and benefited from it. We have/had different interests but he would always ask about them and talk about them (hope I did the reverse too), and I was glad that in later life when he could not drive and do some other things that I was able to help him so my mum could still pursue her interests.

It was and is a different relationship from that with my mum, both being very important to me. My two grandmothers brought a great deal into my life, and I wish my grandfathers had been alive to be a part as well.

amusedbush · 14/01/2019 15:28

My dad loves the bones of me and I know he means well but as I've grown up I've realised that not only is my mum a horrible, emotionally abusive narcissist, my dad enables her. I always thought it was desperately unfair that my mum trampled all over my lovely, kind, generous dad but I see now that he has stood by and let her treat me like shit my whole life.

DH and his dad are so awkward around each other, like vague acquaintances. DH doesn't know how to talk to him and FIL always sounds like he can't wait to get him off the phone. It's even worse since MIL died in 2017, like she was the glue that kept them together.

Original poster

AbsentmindedWoman · 14/01/2019 15:29

Yep, I reckon it must be the same for everyone who has grown up without a father, I agree.

It's just not something we talk about as adults though, I find? Or at least, it has certainly never come up in conversation in my experience.

In fact I don't think I'd like to ask any friends (who have a good relationship with their dad) what it feels like, as I think it'd make me look a bit sad and peculiar

Mumsnet is great, you can ask any kind of random question!

OP posts:

Amberheartkitty · 14/01/2019 15:33

My mum walked out when I was young and Iv never really seen her since. My dad is a great dad. But then Iv never experienced a nice mum. I sometimes wonder how nice it would be to have a mother.

Particularly when my kids were young. My dads not too great with baby’s or practical help. If he ever babysat the house would be such a state it wasn’t worth going out

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