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Original poster

What is it like to have a Dad that loves you?

106 replies

AbsentmindedWoman · 14/01/2019 14:15

Just curious really.

It's not something I had myself, nor did I have any 'father figure' relationships with paternal fondness. I used to crave having a dad when I was young.

I don't crave that anymore, but sometimes it strikes me as peculiar that I cannot remotely comprehend what it must be like to have one. Obviously, I have friends who have good relationships with their dads, but I have never had a conversation with them about what it's like.

What does it feel like? Is there a difference in the relationship you have with your mum?

OP posts:
Lepetitpiggy · 14/01/2019 20:51

I think this a lot too. I never had a father either - and have no idea what it must be like. I watch my dc with my dh, especially the girls and it really does bring a lump to my throat

BurpsandHustles · 14/01/2019 20:53

Always had my back, always stuck up for me, spoke to me like a fellow adult and intelligent person. Ie in contrast dh dp is always trying to tell us something...

Told me I was beautiful and I suppose gave me a lot of confidence in many ways.

TinselAngel · 14/01/2019 20:55

Me and my Dad adored each other. We had the same sense of humour and our brains worked the same way. The good parts of my character are all from him.

He was the only person who was always pleased to see me. He often told me he was proud of me.

It's nearly three years since I lost him and I miss him every day.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
TinselAngel · 14/01/2019 20:56

Oh and- he was my favourite person.

Silvercatowner · 14/01/2019 21:00

I never really knew my Father - he died when I was 6. I hope he loved me and would have been proud of me.

wheneverythinggoestitsup · 14/01/2019 21:02

Me and my dad clash as we are so similar. But he is literally my favourite!
He has always been there for me without fail. He's picked me up when I need a lift and picked me up when I'm feeling down.
He would move heaven and earth for me and for my now growing family and I honestly do think I am so lucky to have him (and my Mum)!

He only had 2 girls and has from a very early age instilled in me and my sister that We can do/be whatever We want and We only need to rely on ourselves to do it.

His favourite 2 phrases - 'you hold all the cards' and 'you have the power' in any situation, in any relationship, always.

Ahhh you've made me give him a big fat hug now Smile

BayandBlonde · 14/01/2019 21:03

I love my step dad dearly, he raised me from about 5 years old.

My real dad is just vile, I wish I could just block him from my life, but he is my dad I feel I have a duty as his DD.

He has never been to my home in 13 years, when I do visit him he constantly reminds me 'I don't have any money so don't ask me' that's the last thought on my mind. I don't need him or his money.

He remarried when I was 4 ish, taking on his new wife's kids. He considers those his real children, that's fine.

He is very soon going to ask me a big favour to assist with his other child's (now adults) adoption process for adopting a baby. He will be told to get stuffed and that will be last i ever hear from him

stroan · 14/01/2019 21:05

Mine chose to love me. he met my Mum when I was 3, put up with my biological father’s utter nonsense for years and formally adopted me when I was 15. He fixed the self esteem that my bio father destroyed.

My childhood was fun and idyllic. He was over protective in the teenage years which caused friction but he now admits he was wrong and we moved on. He was always the first person I turned to for advice or to cry on.

We’re still very close, even more so now I get to see what a wonderful grandfather he is to DD.

Original poster
AbsentmindedWoman · 14/01/2019 21:12

These are beautiful and poignant accounts, thank you all for sharing your insights with me.

OP posts:
SoaringSwallow · 14/01/2019 21:15

OP Get the audiobook of Becoming by Michele Obama. Listening to her talk about her dad in small, almost mundane ways sometimes, not major life moments, over the course of her childhood. It was the first time I understood what having a dad meant.

But a word of caution: it also meant it was the first time I fully understood what not having one meant.

Butteredghost · 14/01/2019 21:16

I think it's similar to the relationship with your mum (if you have a good one I mean).

ManicUnicorn · 14/01/2019 21:21

He would drop everything to help me and DB and always has our back. When we were little he used to be the fun one that took us out, played with us in the evening pretending to be a monster and chasing us around the bedrooms. Now he's getting older and has a few health issues associated with that and I'm trying to do stuff for him, but he's so stubborn he won't accept help!

Magicme1 · 14/01/2019 21:25

Love this thread, I had an abusive father, it's quite emotional but very uplifting reading everyone's posts.

PutYourShirtOnMartin · 14/01/2019 21:38

My dad is fab. Folk say we are very similar.
Dad (and Mum) were teenagers when they had me. He was at uni and worked weekends and holidays to keep us fed.
He has worked hard ever since. He taught me that being a girl meant I could do anything I wanted. Even at 50 I still want to sit next to my dad and be held by him.

He still tells bad jokes

Tigger001 · 14/01/2019 21:55

My father and I have had our ups and down. Him and my mum split up when I was a teenager ( thank god, as they argued a lot and I worried for my mum at times )
He would be there in a second if I needed him, all my friend say they wish they had a dad like him, he's quite cool I suppose. They don't know all the info and he is not perfect by far, but I know he loves me unconditionally and would lay down his life for me in a heart beat.
He is also a loving and proud grandad now. I have great memories from being young with him and hope my son can have some great memories with him also.

Bunbunbunny · 14/01/2019 21:57

My dad is my precious, I’m so lucky to have him as a father. He’d go to hell & back for me and I know it. He’s a quiet gentle man, and he will help anyone he can not just me. It’s just his nature. He pushed me to go to university as he knew I’d love it (he was right) and has always told me how proud he is of me and we always say I love you at the end of every call. We can happily go out for a drink and have a good laugh, and he treats my DH like a son. He retired and is now working for a world famous charity and he loves it, I’m proud of him too.

I don’t know what it’s like to have a real mum, I wished I did but my mother was cruel and we are now nc. When I got my first real pay raise my dad was over the moon , my mum just said it would take me three years to earn that. No well done, I felt so upset that I only felt jealously from her, my dad said I was worth every penny & more. I’ve had several promotions since then so dread to think what she’d say now! When I get my annual bonus I call him 1st to thank him for believing in me & then take him out! He has spoilt me (only child) his argument is what else am I’m going to spend it on, I’m very very grateful!

I think it’s important that have at least one parent that supports you in life, mum, dad or grandparents. It’s having someone in your life cheering you on, that’s got your back. If you have one person then you are lucky, if you have two then you’re really blessed.

Squickety · 14/01/2019 22:04

I wonder this OP. My dad died when I was 11 and before that wasn't around too much, and my mum remarried a few years later to a man that made it clear he had no interest in being any kind of father figure, and we didn't get on at all. I think a lot about what it would be like to have a good dad or step dad, one who would be kind and supportive and think I was special, and help me with things. It feels a bit mythical tbh it's so far outside my experience! I made some appalling relationship choices when I was younger and I'm pretty sure not having a dad, and then a crap step dad played a big part in it.

Largepiecesofcrookedwood · 14/01/2019 22:05

Couldn't really say TBH. Mine died today and I'm doing my best to work out how I feel about it.
I suppose I should feel sad but our childhood was unpleasant and he seemed to resent our existence. Today I feel extreme detachment at his passing but a pang for what I never had.

FlorencesHunger · 14/01/2019 22:07

I've wondered this in around about way, my dad died when I was quite young and can barely scratch a single memory of him.
Had a stepdad growing up but wouldn't say I viewed him as a dad as he didn't act like one imo more just mums boyfriend. Wasn't fussed when he lost interest in my teens and further proof of lack of dad capabilities he then left my mum after yrs of nc with him.

Otherwise I feel quite cold to the idea of dad as far as my memory serves me I never had one.

whatsnewchoochoo · 14/01/2019 22:59

I have been lucky enough to have had a wonderful father and step father.

Dad (biological) was an awful husband but my parents divorced when I was 3 and he was wonderful dad. He adored me and he let me know every day. I was the apple of his eye. He told me he loved and how proud he was of me (even when I wasn't doing that well!) he cuddled me, told me I could do anything I put my mind to. Made me laugh til I literally ached. He died when I was a teenager.

Father (step dad) came into my life when I was 8. He loved me as if I was his own for the 30 years that followed until his death. I could talk to him about anything and I never felt judged. If I needed him he was patient and loving and kind. And he challenged me . My blood parents both adored me, I could do little wrong in their eyes but father questioned me and pushed me to see the times I might not have done as well as I could have but always with love. He went to every parents evening, every event. I knew without question he loved me.

Both left me knowing that I was loveable. I've always had good self esteem.

Now my husband is an amazing dad to our DS. They have such fun together and DS is the light of DH's life. It's wonderful to see them together.

OP your posts have been so lovely, you seem so kind hearted.Thanks

nowifi · 14/01/2019 23:25

crookedwood Flowers so sorry

artisanscotcheggs · 15/01/2019 03:55

My step-father (now dead thankfully) was also a shit, but he was an abusive piece of shit so I haven't had a positive male influence in my life. Abandoned or abused by both parties.

CluedoAddict · 15/01/2019 07:07

My Dad is my hero. I see him and my mum usually every day. He does all our DIY and car maintenance. He hasn't had an easy life and he is so brave. He worships the ground my children walk on and would do anything for them. I love listening to his stories. I am very lucky to have him and my mum.

Ladymargarethall · 15/01/2019 07:14

My father was just 'there'. I am pretty sure he was autistic. He wasn't bad or anything, just not demonstrative and I really don't know if he loved me.
When he died my mother and sister endowed him with all sorts of characteristics I don't remember him having as if he was a saint, which is weird.

BillywigSting · 15/01/2019 07:30

When I was a kid it was wonderful. I thought he could do no wrong.

As an adult I can see his many flaws, and that he is far from perfect or even a good parent, there are many good reasons why my mum divorced him (lazy beyond belief, terrible with money and with perhaps a touch of benign neglect though never ever cruel).

Either way I feel safe in the knowledge that he loves me unconditionally, would do anything for me and supports me completely, with never any judgement.

He is the kind of dad who played with me as a child, let me dress exactly as I wanted to as a teen, and backs me up as an adult.

He can be very dozy and a bit lost in his own world (but then 40 years of weed will do that to anyone) but he's a fundamentally good and very peaceful man. I can't remember him ever raising his voice or saying a bad word about anyone.

He also treats me with respect and has done since day one. Him and my mum (who is just as wonderful in a different way) were the reason I survived adolescence. A set of parents less open and understanding and I would almost definitely be dead.