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Original poster

What is it like to have a Dad that loves you?

106 replies

AbsentmindedWoman · 14/01/2019 14:15

Just curious really.

It's not something I had myself, nor did I have any 'father figure' relationships with paternal fondness. I used to crave having a dad when I was young.

I don't crave that anymore, but sometimes it strikes me as peculiar that I cannot remotely comprehend what it must be like to have one. Obviously, I have friends who have good relationships with their dads, but I have never had a conversation with them about what it's like.

What does it feel like? Is there a difference in the relationship you have with your mum?

OP posts:
MoggEatMoggWorld · 14/01/2019 15:35

My dad never treated me different from my older brother which really helped me not to see myself as “less than” for being female. He loves both of us and worked so hard to provide us with everything we could want and continues to do so. Even now we have arguments (we both have a stubborn streak) but we always apologise and hug and everything is ok again.
He makes it clear he enjoys my company and tells me a lot that I’m smart, strong, etc when I’ve been in shitty situations re work, relationships etc.

I am extremely lucky.

DareDevil223 · 14/01/2019 15:41

I lost my dad 25 years ago, I still miss him horribly especially since losing my mum a couple of years ago Sad.

Of course he wasn't perfect, he had a quick temper but it blew over in five minutes and he was never aggressive just grumpy.

He was a loving, kind, funny, clever, loyal man. He adored my mum and they had a real true lifelong love affair.

He was very principled and politically aware, he retired early and worked part time and looked after me (I was the youngest of four) and supported mum in her work. He was opposed to sexism, racism and homophobia (not that common in the 1970s/80s). He was also an amazing cook.

I adored him and his sudden loss was a terrible blow. I was only 25 when he died. My greatest sadness is that he never got to meet my DS, they would have loved each other.

Because of him, I never felt that i wasn't equal to men and knew that I deserved an education and a good career. I wish he'd been around to help when I had such an awful marriage. I hope he'd love my DP and be proud of the woman I've become.

whatamidoingwithmylife · 14/01/2019 15:42

None of my family are emotional or that supportive outwardly but I know my dad would support me no matter what.
If I have a problem or need help with anything, my dad is who I call. My mum is pretty useless and self-centred so of no use whatsoever (they divorced many moons ago).

What I love about my dad is he never judges me for my decisions or things that have gone completely wrong. My ex was very jealous of my relationship with my dad as his dad was an alcoholic (long dead) who never did anything with him other than take him to the pub. Made me realise I wouldn't know what to do if I didn't have my dad around.

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Pashazade · 14/01/2019 15:49

My mum died when I was a teenager and it was whilst she was ill that I got to know my dad properly, I think I'm closer to him than I might otherwise have been. He is sadly turning into a cantankerous soul as he gets older but we've agreed we don't discuss politics and we get on great in most other respects. He will ring me up if he's seen something I might be interested in or if he's heard we've got really bad weather in our part of the country and wants to check we're not affected. I might not see him often but I know he would be with me in a heartbeat if I needed him. When he hugs me I am safe, he always made me believe the world was my oyster and not to take shit from anyone and I firmly believe that my relationship with him has allowed me to make sensible relationship choices as an adult as I knew what being cared for and respected felt like. I can count on one hand the number of times he has shouted at me in spite of being a pia teenager and I know that although he doesn't always get me as a person he still respects me.

SharkSave · 14/01/2019 15:54

My dad would do anything for us with no complaint. He's a good man, interesting, clever, I dread to think what our life would be like without him

Foxyloxy1plus1 · 14/01/2019 16:00

My dad was a very traditional, stiff upper lip type Yorkshireman. He wasn’t demonstrative with words or deeds, but I knew, without a shadow of a doubt that I was the apple of his eye, greatly loved and that he would have given his life for me. He died a long time ago, way too soon.

He would have been a wonderful grandfather and it’s a sadness that he didn’t know his grandchildren.

User758172 · 14/01/2019 16:10

There’s a wonderful feeling of safety, security knowing my dad will always be there for me if and when I need him. I couldn’t have wished for better parents. My dad is the least affectionate but just looks at me in a certain way - he doesn’t have to tell me, I know he loves me more than life.

Angelnanny555 · 14/01/2019 16:13

I miss my dad so much.
He died over 30 years he was only 58.
Such a kind, gentle man. Would do anything for anybody.
When we had a party at our house one of my school friends in our teens said “I wish your Dad was mine!
I bumped in to her 40 years later and she asked about him and said the same thing again

poshme · 14/01/2019 16:43

My dad would always support me. He's very practical and when he comes to stay he's always keen to help out with jobs that need doing.

He gives great hugs.

When I was younger, he was SAHD, so when I was ill he was the one who looked after me. Now, as an adult when I'm ill I always think 'I wish dad was here' to bring me the food I like, and just sort out the house & the kids.

If he lived closer he'd be over in a shot.

We don't see eye to eye on everything, but he always listens to my point of view, and would support he- even if he didn't entirely agree with what I was doing.

poshme · 14/01/2019 16:43

and in my teens I was pretty horrible to him.

Didiusfalco · 14/01/2019 16:52

Mines brilliant and he thinks I am too. He’s been my lifelong cheerleader. I completely trust his opinion and that he has my best interests at heart. He’s interested in loads of things, politics, art, poetry, films and is a feminist. We have great chats. Last week we went shopping for my mums birthday present together and then had coffee in a hipster-type bar - I really enjoy his company. I’m painfully aware that he is in his late seventies and I will not have him forever.

labazsisgoingmad · 14/01/2019 17:19

my father was my hero a kind gentle man he had the mannerisms and looks of the late great John le mesurier he was always paying compliments he understood me and i understood him since he died 14 years ago a piece of me has been lost ive never got over losing him he was my best friend i was his princess

SweetheartNeckline · 14/01/2019 17:25

My relationship with my dad is good, strong and totally boring. He is proud of me and would help me out if I needed it but has always let me make my own decisions and was always kind about my choices in boyfriends. He still likes to come car shopping with me and he'll never let me pay when we go to the chip shop. He's very calm, very stable and a wonderful grandfather too. I kind of never think about it really and I probably take him for granted but I love him very much.

AwkwardAsAllGetout · 14/01/2019 17:26

Mine is just the best. My mum was left when she was pg with me and had my two older brothers and didn’t date at all in our childhoods which looking back I’m incredibly grateful for. It’s made me very wary of friends who jump in and introduce their latest dates to their kids after a few weeks. She met my dad when I was about 7 and they married about 2 years later. I’m much closer to my dad than my mum now. My mum can be very closed off and quite uptight, my dad is just easygoing and the kind of man who’d do anything for you. I often meet him in the week for breakfast as he works shifts and it’s just such an easy relationship, there’s always something to talk about. I’d struggle to spend time alone with my mum. He showed me what a good man is. I’m very fortunate that I married someone who is very similar. I think the thing I appreciate most is that he’s never let me down. He never made promises he couldn’t keep and will always do what’s best in any situation. An all round nice guy.

MrsMarigold · 14/01/2019 17:36

Both my parents are wonderful. When I'm having a hard time, I still dream of lying resting my head in my mother's breast and smelling her and hearing her heart beat, with my dad I always long for a cuddle and he always stroked the back of my head when I was little and I also crave that as when they did these things my worries lifted and I felt secure.

SpringIntoSpring · 14/01/2019 18:02

I can't comment on my dad because he's a lifelong alcoholic. Not abusive as such but not really a great father figure either - more neglectful than loving!

My step-father was good though and he showed that love in practical ways, e.g. fixing our cars, helping decorate our houses, doing our gardens etc. I never asked for his advice, I went to mum for that. Mum was more chatty with us and more generous, money-wise, whereas step-father was always there with the physical strength.

OutPinked · 14/01/2019 18:10

I don’t really know what it’s like to have a parent that loves me. My DM clearly does love me but not in a traditional way. She has never spontaneously hugged me and I don’t really remember her telling me she loved me bar a couple of times when she was pissed... We had a shaky relationship and I moved out at 16, really struggled to live with her. We’ve never had a classic mum/daughter bond, never been shopping or to the cinema etc. She never related to me nor me to her, we’re very different people. She has seen me sobbing at my lowest ebb and just told me to get a grip...

My Dad was great until I turned 16 and grew up, moved out etc. My parents separated when I was a baby but I was always close to my DF. Growing up he was a bit of a Disney dad looking back, bought me anything I wanted and took me on extravagant holidays every year etc. As soon as I was an adult it was as if he couldn’t be arsed with me anymore. He met my first two DC but stopped bothering after that. Only met DC3 in 2017 for the first time when she was five. My DC had no idea who he was and kept referring to him as ‘the man’ which was sad. Only reason they met him at all was because I went to the effort of travelling 200+ miles to see him. Haven’t seen him since so he hasn’t met DC4.

I’m getting married this year and not inviting either of them, put it that way.

hugoagogo · 14/01/2019 18:19

Fuck knows.

Ironingboard · 14/01/2019 19:34

My parents are such a unit and they’re both my best friends! Although I will admit that I have a special bond with my dad but my brothers have that bond with our mum.
It makes me sad when people say they don’t get along with their parents or don’t see them, I don’t know what I would do without mine and physically get upset at the thought of them not being around.

Youmadorwhat · 14/01/2019 19:38

My dad....omg I could cry I love him so much. He was and still is the best. So much fun to be with!! Always easy to talk to and has given me some of the soundest advice ever!! He is one in a million!!

Believability · 14/01/2019 19:44

My dad is amazing. He’s a bit of a control freak, he can be quite stroppy and he has never said he loves me and quite often when I speak to him on the phone we don’t have a huge amount to say to each other but he’s like a warm and cosy blanket. He’s always there and I just know that everything he does is with our best interests at heart and he doesn’t need of say it but I know he would lay his life down for us. I don’t need to speak to him every day, or even every week but it’s enough to know that he’s there. I absolutely adore him

Mrscaindingle · 14/01/2019 19:46

My dad died 25 years ago and I still miss him particularly when things are not going well as he was so reliable and practical. My dad only told me he loved me when he was dying but I knew growing up that he loved us fiercely and would have taken a bullet for us. Like a pp said he showed us he loved us in everything he did for us.
Unfortunately we can't say the same for my DC's dad .

PortiaCastis · 14/01/2019 19:47

My Dad was brilliant but sadly he died when I was 20 I wish I could have him back everyday as he was so down to earth sensible and pragmatic. I wasn't a model daughter far from it but he did his best for me and put up with my shenanigans

OracleOfDelphinium · 14/01/2019 19:48

I don't agree with my dad about everything, and we have had our tricky moments over the past 50 years. We live 100 miles away, so it's not one of those 'see my parents every other day' things.

But he is kind, gentle, warm, loving, caring, and just generally brilliant. He's also the funniest person I know.

I love him to bits, and he loves my DSis and me to bits. He has helped me when I've been in shitty situations with XH. He doesn't "do" emotional stuff, but he will always be there for practical help/advice. He and my mum have been together for 55 years.

Unfortunately my DC have not had this experience. It is a great sadness to me.

drspouse · 14/01/2019 19:51

My dad was a bit difficult growing up but he's mellowed a lot. Apparently his dad was similar!
He's very low maintenance, takes an interest in our lives but not in a controlling way like my mum can be, and he makes an effort with the DCs especially DS who has SEN and can be very hard work +++
I'm not sure he ever SAYS he loves me but he's just quite thoughtful even though he's very self-contained.