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My wife is dying

620 replies

SanJunipero · 13/01/2019 01:26

My beautiful, wonderful wife is only 33 and I'm sitting next to her bed in the hospice tonight watching her die. She's had cancer for a long time and I knew this was coming, but it's so very hard to watch.

OP posts:
Strugglingonagain · 14/01/2019 19:42

Still thinking of you, your family, and sending love and prayers x

Sadmum23 · 14/01/2019 19:44

In thoughts and prayers st this terribly sad and difficult time

TipseyTorvey · 14/01/2019 19:56

Have been thinking about you and your little family today at work. Sending strength and hugs. Hope you're doing okay. This must be so hard x

bexcee · 14/01/2019 19:56

It'll be the hardest thing you'll ever have to do. I've been in your position.

Just know that you're not alone and that being there is enough.
Look after yourself, take a few minutes to get some fresh air and a drink.
I know you won't want to leave her side but you need to keep your strength up.

Choccywoccyhooha · 14/01/2019 20:07

I am thinking of you, your wife, and your son, OP. I'm so sorry that you are all going through this.

We lost our friend, a wonderful mother to two lovely children, in August to cancer at age 36. It breaks my heart to hear of another family in the same situation.

Sending you strength for the coming hours and days. And healing for the months and years to come.

SanJunipero · 14/01/2019 20:26

My darling wife is still battling on - her body's really resisting it. The doctor says it's because she's young and otherwise strong. I wish I could say things have been peaceful, but she's been so distressed and has been crying out again that it hurts and we need to help her. She's very heavily sedated now - the doctor says she won't be aware of anything, even of us talking. I'm just getting ready for another night sitting next to her; I know she can't hear me, but I will keep holding her hand and talking to her.

Thank you again for your messages, and for the beautiful verse (which I read to my wife). I'm trying not to tell friends and family how hard things have been as I don't want them to know she suffered, so this has been a comforting outlet.

OP posts:
Zoflorabore · 14/01/2019 20:28

God bless you both op 😥

NorthernRunner · 14/01/2019 20:30

Lots of love to you and your wife SanJunipero xx

MidnightAura · 14/01/2019 20:33

Please feel free to let it out here if it helps you SanJunipero Every time I log in here I wonder how you are all doing.

MulticolourMophead · 14/01/2019 20:37

You and your DW are in my thoughts. I'm generally crap with words, but those I write are heartfelt in my sympathy for you all.

I wish you the strength you need during this time. And I wish your DW peace and freedom from distress. She'll feel the love you have for her.

Your DS won't remember this time, being so young, but I hope he'll feel surrounded by the love that you and your DW have for him. Thanks

Cherrysherbet · 14/01/2019 20:38

Sending love and thinking of you both x

Wateringhole · 14/01/2019 20:40

I've been lurking since you started this thread and have been thinking of you lots. My friend went through similar with her husband around this time last year. So heartbreaking that cancer can take people so young Thanks

CuppaTeaAndAJammieDodger · 14/01/2019 20:46

Been thinking about you and your DW often today. Feel free to vent whatever and whenever you like on here 💐

onalongsabbatical · 14/01/2019 20:48

Another poem, SanJunipero. So sorry and sending you all love.

In Blackwater Woods. By Mary Oliver.

Look, the trees
are turning
their own bodies
into pillars

of light,
are giving off the rich
fragrance of cinnamon
and fulfillment,

the long tapers
of cattails
are bursting and floating away over
the blue shoulders

of the ponds,
and every pond,
no matter what its
name is, is

nameless now.
Every year
everything
I have ever learned

in my lifetime
leads back to this: the fires
and the black river of loss
whose other side

is salvation,
whose meaning
none of us will ever know.
To live in this world

you must be able
to do three things:
to love what is mortal;
to hold it

against your bones knowing
your own life depends on it;
and, when the time comes to let it go,
to let it go. Flowers

Croft1971 · 14/01/2019 20:49

I don't have the right words, but have been thinking of your family and what a wonderful husband you sound.

littlecabbage · 14/01/2019 20:49

Bless you, you must be exhausted xx

Croft1971 · 14/01/2019 20:50

Sorry just re-read...DW

MayMiracle · 14/01/2019 20:51

I'm so unbelievably sorry for you. Your heart must be broken. I'm happy that you shared a deep love, but 33 is far too young to die. You and your wife are in my thoughts. 💜

itssquidstella · 14/01/2019 20:51

Oh @sanjunipero, I’m so sorry to hear that today has been so hard. I’m still thinking of you and your lovely wife and baby.

LollipopViolet · 14/01/2019 20:52

Sending peaceful thoughts to you and your family at this difficult time Flowers

brizzledrizzle · 14/01/2019 20:57

Bless you, you are such a wonderful person. Keeping your lovely family in my thoughts.

Sad1234567 · 14/01/2019 20:57

Oh, OP.

My Dp's wife died of cancer when their DD was 11. I didn't know him then, but I know that he loved her, very much. l

I have never cried at anything on MN, but I am crying now.

It is no consolation to you now, but you and your DW have known what it is to love one another. Life is shitty. You and she don't 'deserve' this. Your DS doesn't deserve it, either. I hope you have support IRL. You sound like such a lovely person that I think you will have people who love you and who will look after you. But what a horrendous scenario. xx

SpawnChorus · 14/01/2019 20:59

SanJunipero, you've been in my mind today even though I don't know you. It sounds so intolerably painful for you both. Sending you lots of love and a virtual hand hold.

bexcee · 14/01/2019 21:01

Just like everyone's birth is different, everyone's death is different too. It's the circle of life.
We all hope and pray for a quiet peaceful ending but sadly it's not always the case. I remember it so well, praying for the end to come and the pain to be over and yet dreading it at the same time. As I said earlier it'll be the hardest thing you'll ever go through. Thinking of you

justilou1 · 14/01/2019 21:03

Hi @SanJunipero.... I’m up now. I’m checking in as promised. Sorry to hear that your lovely wife’s day has been so rough. Glad they have bumped up the meds. I’m awake through your night time if you need me, although I do suggest you sleep as much as you can if it’s possible. I know it’s easier said than done, isn’t it? Is there someone helping you out with your little boy at the moment? It must be so hard for you with a foot on each world - but it probably also keeps you going.

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