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Original poster

DS upset after school - do I correct the teacher or let it go?

118 replies

cjt110 · 08/01/2019 16:15

Please be gentle as I am suffering massively at the moment with anxiety and my paranoia is sky high so may be skewing my judgment.

DS is 4 and in reception. Over Christmas he has gone a bit amiss with his behaviour and giddy to boot.

He got home from school today (went back yesterday) and DH texted me that DS was upset about something at school. Saying he had broken something in class and that he had to go to the office. DH had tried to understand what was what but DS wasn't making much sense.

I gave school a quick call and spoke with his teacher who explained she had had a discussion with the whole class about not touching her wall displays - that the kids were always trying to get the blu-tac. She said DS had come to her with one of the phonics letters torn and scrunched up in his hand. When she asked him he said he hadn't done it. She said she had gotten cross with him for damaging the laminated/paper phonic. DS told the teacher when asked that it wasn't him. She said she didn't know if it was him but he had the scrunched up paper in his hand. At that moment the deputy head was walking past and came in and also had a word with DS.

I checked, again with the teacher what the item was and was told it was laminated card.

The teacher did say it was over and dealt with, this morning, within a minute and he'd been fine for the rest of the day. I did say he has a tendancy to remember and fret over things for some time.

I called to relay this to DH and DS said he had some bad news, told me he had torn a letter and that he was sorry. He said that he and another child had done it. That he had taken it to the teacher and the teacher had told him off.

Part of me is cross. It seems OTT to "get cross" with a 4 year old without knowing if they did the act. It also seems OTT to then have the deputy head speak to him.

I am mindful it may be 6 of one and half a dozen of the other but I feel cross or my boy that he has been told off, when he may not have been entirely to blame but also that not one, but TWO teachers took it upon themselves to tell him off.

Do I speak to her, and potentially be that mum, or just ride it out?

OP posts:
CoffeeRunner · 08/01/2019 16:19

But he did tear the letter?

What did you expect the teacher to say? Well done?Confused

Villanellesproudmum · 08/01/2019 16:20

If it was me, I would say well you shouldn’t have done it hence the reason why you was told off. Tell him to put it down as a lesson and move on. Especially when you say his behaviour is a bit amiss and giddy. Others may of course think differently.

ShalomJackie · 08/01/2019 16:21

So he was told off for something he actually did and it just so happened the deputy was passing and told him off too. As the teacher says its over and done with save that he didn't admit it to the teachers just to you.

If you are contacting the school so he can apologise then fair enough but if it is to "tell them off" for "telling him off" YABU

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lastqueenofscotland · 08/01/2019 16:22

He did tear the letter and then lied about it Confused
Do not speak to the teacher!

WallisFrizz · 08/01/2019 16:22

Ride it out. He was involved, she’d warned them not to. “Tellings off” of 4 year olds tend to be quite mild. He’ll get over it.

Quartz2208 · 08/01/2019 16:23

What exactly would you say though?

raffle · 08/01/2019 16:23

But he was at fault? Confused

ChakiraChakra · 08/01/2019 16:23

Please don't be that mum.

Remind your child that it's important that he listens to and obeys the teacher's instructions. If he hadn't been messing around trying to get the blu-tac, he wouldn't be in trouble. Seems fair enough to me.

BinaryStar · 08/01/2019 16:24

Doesn’t sound like there is anything to actually “correct”, does there? He did something and got told off.

Original poster
cjt110 · 08/01/2019 16:24

He said both he and the other child did it. I told him he shouldn't do that, but it had been dealt with and not to worry. He was sobbing on the phone.

Had he been at home he would have been told off. If nothing else, it might teach him not to do it again.

I suppose I'm just being a bit mardy that he's been told off, that it's lingered on his mind all day and now he's sobbing at home about it.

Urgh my emotions are all over the place and at first I felt all Mama Bear over it... what a knob.

OP posts:
RavenWings · 08/01/2019 16:26

So he did tear the letter and they were right to tell him off! Piss off with your 'correcting' the teacher before you make a holy show of yourself. Your child was in the wrong, he was corrected for that, end of. If you speak to anyone, speak to your kid about lying.

Original poster
cjt110 · 08/01/2019 16:27

@RavenWings - Ok. No need to be so snipey. I haven't had this situation come up before and was asking for advice. If you have any handy advice on how to talk about lying then please share them with me, because I've also never encountered that with him either.

OP posts:
GiveMeAllTheGin8 · 08/01/2019 16:27

But he was told not too, yet he did it?
Of course the teacher will give out to him, what do you expect her to do Confused

grasspigeons · 08/01/2019 16:28

Its quite likely he is upset because he knew he did something wrong rather than because of the telling off. Which is good really as it shows he understands.

LevitatingAtTheSistine · 08/01/2019 16:28

He did something he was asked not to do, the telling off according to the teacher was quick and he was over it fairly quickly.
Just leave it, nothing else to say on the matter surely?

Original poster
cjt110 · 08/01/2019 16:29

I know, I know... I'm being all mardy. I'm sorry.

I suppose I'm cross at DS for being naughty and misdirecting my crossness at her? As I said, I'm not in the best place at the moment and mu judgment, on many things, is off at the moment.

OP posts:
PristineCondition · 08/01/2019 16:29

Your mardy because he did wrong was caught and tod off.
I'd be mad he lied.

Original poster
cjt110 · 08/01/2019 16:30

grasspigeons I hadn't thought of it that way. Thanks for giving me another way to look at it.

Do I get him to apologise to her - perhaps a little drawing or to say it at drop off tomorrow?

OP posts:
Original poster
cjt110 · 08/01/2019 16:31

@PristineCondition I'm shocked that he did. He's never done this before. I need some words with him about not lying.

OP posts:
MsTSwift · 08/01/2019 16:31

He did something wrong and was told off about it. From the time of your post I suspect he is not told off very much at home so it’s likely to have more of an effect maybe. That’s what’s schools are for. Bet he won’t damage school property again so job done.

MsTSwift · 08/01/2019 16:31

Tone not time

Mookatron · 08/01/2019 16:31

Just ride it out. Ultimately it's been dealt with and it doesn't matter. At most I might do a quick 'well done for telling the truth in the end' at bed time. It's actually OK for him to get used to being told off - I never did and was as good as I possibly could be to the extent I got really anxious about it. and I still hate being told off now! The sooner he learns to shake it off the better. Same goes for you - but I know it stings!

SavoyCabbage · 08/01/2019 16:32

She must have been able to tell he wasn't telling the truth. There is nothing to correct the teacher on! She told him off because it's naughty to take letters of displays and crush them and then to go to,the teacher with it!

grasspigeons · 08/01/2019 16:33

cjt110 - no, don't do that. It has all been dealt with at school and you can let it go.

DaphneFanshaw · 08/01/2019 16:34

Don’t worry about it, you’re going through a bad patch with anxiety, I really know how much that fucks with the way you think.
You weren’t too sure if you were overreacting or not so you checked on here. You took it on the chin when people told you that Yabu,all is well.
No harm done what so ever.
We have all been there at some point.
Hope your anxiety settles down soon.

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