Are all wedding readings twee or cringeworthy?? Help.

[freeAnneBoleyn]

Because I can’t find even one I like, except the extract from ‘The Velveteen Rabbit’, which I read out at my grandmother’s funeral... so that’s out.

All the others are either twee horrid things about taking the bins out or doing the washing up, (actually I’m going to have to give an example, it’s by Pam Ayres...)

‘Yes I’ll marry you my dear, you may not apprehend it,
But when the tumble dryer goes, its you that has to mend it’

It just goes on and on like that. It’s truly toe-curling.

Or pretentious. I love DH but I can’t compare him to a summers day, I doubt he’d say I was one either. It’s not a love that has had to endure the horrors of the Somme or Spanish influenza. (Thankfully)

We’re not religious. Nothing there.

I get it’s a public declaration of love and commitment etc but I’m finding the whole thing so wanky I’m horrid, I know, I’m just not outwardly sentimental in the slightest. I don’t want to have to surpress a scoff as it gets read.

DP is making me choose because I’m so bloody picky, he’ll happily just go with it if I actually manage to find one I don’t shred to pieces.

Can anyone tell me what they had at theirs, and why you chose it?

Didn’t have any, got through the whole thing in ten minutes and went for tapas.

I know what you mean, though — the ones that get used all the time are either nauseatingly jolly or sentimental or both, and as for that extract from Captain Corelli’s Mandolin, it’s very clear that no one who uses it has read the novel or they really wouldn’t.

What do you like to read?

I thought exactly that about the Captain Corelli one!

Funnily enough I do like the classics a lot. I just can’t think of anything that would really work!

Although my favourite book is The Lord of the Rings...not sure I could use anything in there, and speaking in Elvish would definitely fall into the wanky catagory

We had this one!
https://www.hitched.co.uk/wedding-planning/readings/a-lovely-love-story_800.htm

We also had a dinosaur wedding cake 13.99 from Costco that was fab!!

I felt the same. Went for union, Robert Fulham

We had Paul’s letter to the Corinthians. A bit predictable, but not cringeworthy.

yeah, they're all twee. It goes with the territory.

I like Neruda.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where,

I love you directly without problems or pride:
I love you like this because I don’t know any other way to love,
except in this form in which I am not nor are you,

so close that your hand upon my chest is mine,

so close that your eyes close with my dreams.

The ones that say a spoonful of love and a pinch of compassion make my toes curl

We had these. Felt like we had to have something and didn’t find these too horrifying

We had two poems. One was by Ann Bradstreet and it's the one Roxy reads out in Le Divorce. The other was chosen by MIL at our request and she read it, it was Come Live With Me and Be My Love.

Oh sorry the dinosaur one I could not cope with! Friends had it at their wedding and I was just baffled but clearly it meant something to them

We had Jackie Kay A Lang Promise

Have a look at For Now by Tracey Emin... I think it might fit the bill.

I know you also said no religion, but the Corinthians 'Love is patient'?

@reportery we clearly didn’t read the book! Is it awful?? 😂

Ah yes I stumbled upon the dinosaur one. But I’m afraid or reminded me of reading endless dinosaur stories to my nephew.

On paper I love the Corelli one. But I can’t have it, it’s a very bitter tale and not romantic at all by the end.

Although she did get to keep the mandolin.

My experiences: 1. We married in church and had something from the Bible about love. 2. Please don't do what my friend did -write your own and make your friend read it, she will never ever forgive you.

How about Brian Bilston????

love is like a skin
that protects you

a warmth that spreads
from your fingertips
to your heart

sorry – not love –
glove, i meant glove

We had this - best I could find that wasn't completely twee or religious...

www.hitched.co.uk/wedding-planning/readings/extract-from-les-miserables_449.htm

We had this one. (I can’t remember any of the others)
www.cariad-celebrations.co.uk/Download-%20readings/A%20Walled%20Garden.pdf
I quite liked tjat it referred to a private part of love rather than being all gushy and ‘look at us’.

We had Love Listen by Ann Gray. It’s not twee, and it’s short which is always a bonus!

My friend had the John cooper Clarke poem ‘I wanna be yours’ which was good.

My brother read the lovely dinosaur...complete with sock puppets he’d made! We liked it! My fil read one as well but I can’t remember what it was (he did not have sock puppets!)

I had Neil Gaiman - the day the saucers came. Which is great if you like that sort of fantasy thing.

The Future by Emma Salmon is lovely

www.hitched.ie/wedding-planning/wedding-poems/the-future-by-emma-salmon_334.htm

See people would scoff at me if we had love is patient....love might not be some of those things but I am

Glove one is funny

We got married in a church so had to have bible readings but otherwise I would have wanted the Bob Marley one (I think it starts 'He's not perfect. You aren't either')

I love Valentine, by Carol Ann Duffy. But there may be a few raised eyebrows...

Valentine

Not a red rose or a satin heart.

I give you an onion.
It is a moon wrapped in brown paper.
It promises light
like the careful undressing of love.

Here.
It will blind you with tears
like a lover.
It will make your reflection
a wobbling photo of grief.

I am trying to be truthful.

Not a cute card or a kissogram.

I give you an onion.
Its fierce kiss will stay on your lips,
possessive and faithful
as we are,
for as long as we are.

Take it.
Its platinum loops shrink to a wedding ring,
if you like.
Lethal.
Its scent will cling to your fingers,
cling to your knife.