Are all wedding readings twee or cringeworthy?? Help.

[freeAnneBoleyn]

Because I can’t find even one I like, except the extract from ‘The Velveteen Rabbit’, which I read out at my grandmother’s funeral... so that’s out.

All the others are either twee horrid things about taking the bins out or doing the washing up, (actually I’m going to have to give an example, it’s by Pam Ayres...)

‘Yes I’ll marry you my dear, you may not apprehend it,
But when the tumble dryer goes, its you that has to mend it’

It just goes on and on like that. It’s truly toe-curling.

Or pretentious. I love DH but I can’t compare him to a summers day, I doubt he’d say I was one either. It’s not a love that has had to endure the horrors of the Somme or Spanish influenza. (Thankfully)

We’re not religious. Nothing there.

I get it’s a public declaration of love and commitment etc but I’m finding the whole thing so wanky I’m horrid, I know, I’m just not outwardly sentimental in the slightest. I don’t want to have to surpress a scoff as it gets read.

DP is making me choose because I’m so bloody picky, he’ll happily just go with it if I actually manage to find one I don’t shred to pieces.

Can anyone tell me what they had at theirs, and why you chose it?

We had MIL read the hand ceremony. I'll see if I can find it. We were both v embarassed about the whole reading thing, but actually, on the day right there with all the nerves and "this is happening" it really got to me and I sobbed all the way through it .... v cringey looking back but no one seemed to mind 😂

I found it hard to find one that I hadn't heard at previous weddings and that wasn't too pretentious or sickly.

We went with the below but edited every line with references to our hobbies/commutes etc so it was original and personal to us but not too lovey dovey

I'll be there my darling, through thick and through thin
When your mind's in a mess and your head's in a spin
When your plane's been delayed, and you've missed the last train.

When life is just threatening to drive you insane
When your thrilling whodunit has lost its last page
When somebody tells you, you're looking your age
When your coffee's too cool, and your wine is too warm
When the forecast said "Fine", but you're out in a storm
When your quick break hotel, turns into a slum

And your holiday photos show only your thumb
When you park for five minutes in a resident's bay

And return to discover you've been towed away
When the jeans that you bought in hope or in haste
Just stick on your hips and don't reach round your waist
When the food you most like brings you out in red rashes
When as soon as you boot up the bloody thing crashes

So my darling, my sweetheart, my dear...
When you break a rule, when you act the fool
When you've got the flu, when you're in a stew
When you're last in the queue, don't feel blue'cause
I'm telling you, I'll be there.

Please turn towards each other and take each others hands.

These are the hands of your best friend, young and strong and full of love for you, that are holding yours on your wedding day as you promise to love each other today, tomorrow and forever.

These are the hands that will work along side yours as together you build your future.

These are the hands that will passionately love you and cherish you through the years, and with the slightest touch will comfort you like no other.

These are the hands that will hold you when fear or grief temporarily comes your way.

These are the hands that will countless times wipe the tears from your eyes, tears of sorrow and tears of joy.

These are the hands that will tenderly hold your children.

These are the hands that will give you support and encouragement to chase down your dreams.

These are the hands that will hold you tight as you struggle through difficult times.

These are the hands that will give you strength when you need it.

These are the hands that will lift your chin and brush your cheek as they raise your face to look into eyes that are filled with overwhelming love for you.

And lastly, these are the hands that even when wrinkled and aged will still be reaching for yours, still giving you the same unspoken tenderness with just a touch.

I like the Scaffolding one. It fits our marriage perfectly 10 years on - wobbly bridges but the wall is solid!

The Seamus Heaney poem is lovely.
I occasionally see his wife in Tesco but have not seen her recently.
If I see her again I shall remember that poem.

Imagine having beautiful poetry written for and about you.

We had Yeats’s ‘Cloths of Heaven’. If Yeats is twee then I think the world is screwed.

I love Yeats 'Cloths of Heaven'

I think if I did the lord of the rings thing I’d look like a right knob....I do love it in the novel but couldn’t imagine reciting it in real life!!

I think I must have a very low threshold for cringe factor.... a lot of these are definitely waaaayyy sucky-sweet and twee!

Years is definitely not twee! Some of these would be a bit twee for me but I'd just be thinking about the free drinks and food later anyway!!

I wanted the Owl and the Pussycat @magimedi but DH put his foot down and said no 🤣

We ended up having this one by Richard Bach.

"A soulmate is someone who has locks that fit our keys, and keys to fit our locks. When we feel safe enough to open the locks, our truest selves step out and we can be completely and honestly who we are; we can be loved for who we are and not for who we’re pretending to be. Each unveils the best part of the other. No matter what else goes wrong around us, with that one person we’re safe in our own paradise. Our soulmate is someone who shares our deepest longings, our sense of direction. When we’re two balloons, and together our direction is up, chances are we’ve found the right person. Our soulmate is the one who makes life come to life."

Just don't have one. They are awful.

And why does everyone insist on using the word "twee" these days. Ugh, I hate that word.

We had 2 readings as we got married in church so had to have a bible reading but our second reading was this one.

Also, you keep saying you can't imagine reading them... why would you be doing the reading at your own wedding?

I don’t know, who normally does it? I can’t imagine any of our wedding party saying any of these either...

Right now I’m leaning towards...just not having one.

We had our friends read "Bring me sunshine" the theme tune to Morecambe and Wise at our wedding.

I know what you mean about most readings being twee and a bit cringe-worthy though!

Don’t have one.

It’s your wedding. Play a song instead or do a dance or whatever. Do nothing. I wouldn’t do anything at my own wedding that I didn’t want to do just because you are supposed to or it’s tradition.

We had I Rely On You by Hovis Presley

any good?

The question is asked "Is there anything more beautiful in life than a boy and girl clasping clean hands and pure heart in the path of marriage?"

And the answer is given, "Yes - there is a more beautiful thing; it is the spectacle of an old man and an old woman finishing their journey together on that path. Their hands are knarled but still clasped; their faces are seamed but radiant; their hearts are tired and bowed but still strong.

They have proved the happiness of marriage and have vindicated it from the jeers of cynics.

A.L. Alexander

Most weddings have friends doing readings during the ceremony. I’ve never seen a bride or groom doing one.

Our readers weren’t part of the ‘wedding party’ - I had two bridesmaids and didn’t want more. One reader was a close friend (who actually introduced us) and the other was one of DH’s closest (female) friends.

Friend one is an author and friend 2 works in publishing, so we are quite a bookish lot, and the Yeats was perfect.

We picked one each. I chose Nikki Giovanni Just A New York Poem,

i wanted to take
your hand and run with you
together toward
ourselves down the street to your street
i wanted to laugh aloud
and skip the notes past
the marquee advertising “women
in love” past the record
shop with “The Spirit
In The Dark” past the smoke shop
past the park and no
parking today signs
past the people watching me in
my blue velvet and i don’t remember
what you wore but only that i didn’t want
anything to be wearing you
i wanted to give
myself to the cyclone that is
your arms
and let you in the eye of my hurricane and know
the calm before

and some fall evening
after the cocktails
and the very expensive and very bad
steak served with day-old baked potatoes
after the second cup of coffee taken
while listening to the rejected
violin player
maybe some fall evening
when the taxis have passed you by
and that light sort of rain
that occasionally falls
in new york begins
you’ll take a thought
and laugh aloud
the notes carrying all the way over
to me and we’ll run again
together
toward each other
yes?

And my husband picked this from Use of Weapons

When he tried to tabulate his love, list all the things about her that drew him to her, he found himself starting at the larger facts - her beauty, her attitude to life, her creativity - but as he thought over the day that had just passed, or just watched her, he found individual gestures, single words, certain steps, a single movement of her eyes or a hand starting to claim equal attention.

He would give up then, and console himself with something she'd said; that you could not love what you truly understood. Love, she maintained, was a process, not a state. Held still, it withered.

He wasn't too sure about all that, he seemed to have found a calm clear serenity in himself he hadn't even know was there, thanks to her.

Umm.

We had Bernard's proposal scene from the Young Visiters (though we did edit out 'Bernard ejaculated horsley' for the sake of the cheap seats).

"The cyclone that is your arms" 😂

My OH would be tempted to throw his arms in the air and furiously spin them. Wtf? Why do it to yourself?

I love hearing poetry read aloud. Admittedly your aunt isn’t going to give a performance like actors on Poetry Please, but unless you ate someone who either finds all poetry cringey or all public speaking cringey then a wedding reading doesn’t have to be so any more than any other public speaking if you pick a decent text. We chose well-loved readings because we are not especially original and didn’t need everyone to think we were. It was lovely to hear the familiar words said aloud by a loved one.

A lot of readings make me cringe too but I do like some of the examples shared by PPs.

For me I think rhyming is a no-no (unless it's a Shakespeare sonnet) as with the more modern poems the rhyming just makes it twee I think.

I also think it shouldn't be too long. (As with vows and speeches.)

We had the Blessing of the Hands although that's probably still too "cheesy" for you OP.

We had a Bob Marley one called he's not perfect and that wasn't cheesy.