Are all wedding readings twee or cringeworthy?? Help.

[freeAnneBoleyn]

Because I can’t find even one I like, except the extract from ‘The Velveteen Rabbit’, which I read out at my grandmother’s funeral... so that’s out.

All the others are either twee horrid things about taking the bins out or doing the washing up, (actually I’m going to have to give an example, it’s by Pam Ayres...)

‘Yes I’ll marry you my dear, you may not apprehend it,
But when the tumble dryer goes, its you that has to mend it’

It just goes on and on like that. It’s truly toe-curling.

Or pretentious. I love DH but I can’t compare him to a summers day, I doubt he’d say I was one either. It’s not a love that has had to endure the horrors of the Somme or Spanish influenza. (Thankfully)

We’re not religious. Nothing there.

I get it’s a public declaration of love and commitment etc but I’m finding the whole thing so wanky I’m horrid, I know, I’m just not outwardly sentimental in the slightest. I don’t want to have to surpress a scoff as it gets read.

DP is making me choose because I’m so bloody picky, he’ll happily just go with it if I actually manage to find one I don’t shred to pieces.

Can anyone tell me what they had at theirs, and why you chose it?

You don't have to like or appreciate poetry or poetic language. Just don't have it. I can't help but think you're missing out by dismissing it all with a blanket 'twee' though. There's nothing wrong with having or describing emotions.

I think part of the problem is that some people find weddings in themselves “twee” or “cringey” so are going to be embarrassed at the idea of anything beyond the most basic ceremony with minimal guests (or no wedding at all). Which if that’s what you want is great and affects no one. But doesn’t help someone who might want a reading but is struggling to choose one that feels right for them.

We had this, by Neil Gaiman because he's my favourite author, and I loved it. It makes sense to be read by a family member or friend - lots of these readings seem to me that they should be read by the bride or groom as they're banging on about why one person loves the other one, makes no sense when being read by a random friend...

This for you, for both of you,

a small poem of happiness
filled with small glories and little triumphs
a fragile, short cheerful song
filled with hope and all sorts of futures

Because at weddings we imagine the future
Because it's all about "what happened next?"
all the work and negotiation and building and talk
that makes even the tiniest happily ever after
something to be proud of for a wee forever

This is a small thought for both of you
like a feather or a prayer,
a wish of trust and love and hope
and fine brave hearts and true.

Like a tower, or a house made all of bones and dreams
and tomorrows and tomorrows and tomorrows

This is such an unintentionally amusing thread to read, as the OP started the thread to say that she can't stand twee things that make her cringe. Cue a lot of people sharing twee things that make her cringe.

It's true

@Si1ver
I love the reading that your husband chose, I would have been very touched if my husband has chosen it to express how he felt about me.

All three of ours have already been mentioned- Scaffolding, Cloths of Heaven and this one

The question is asked "Is there anything more beautiful in life than a boy and girl clasping clean hands and pure heart in the path of marriage?"

And the answer is given, "Yes - there is a more beautiful thing; it is the spectacle of an old man and an old woman finishing their journey together on that path. Their hands are knarled but still clasped; their faces are seamed but radiant; their hearts are tired and bowed but still strong.

I love that Mary Oliver poen someone posted, though. I’ve never heard it before and if I had I would have picked it.
Have to say though, OP, it’s a bit rude to ask people for suggestions, get them to share something very personal because they want to help you and then sneer at their choices.

I had this (studied Atwood at uni), and it's short and not at all sickly.

Habitation

Marriage is not
a house or even a tent

it is before that, and colder:

the edge of the forest, the edge
of the desert
the unpainted stairs
at the back where we squat
outside, eating popcorn

the edge of the receding glacier

where painfully and with wonder
at having survived even
this far

we are learning to make fire

We had a civil ceremony with no readings or fluff. In fact we were pretty irritated by the registrar trying to give us all a sermon at the start.

Many of our guests commented specifically on the speedy nature of the ceremony and that with everything else stripped away then our actual vows were the focus and no one got bored or restless

This is nice: m.poets.org/poetsorg/poem/scaffolding

Oh, I see Scaffolding already there. Another one is all about the day to day things that make up a marriage/life.. can't find it via Google but someone might know it.

We decided not to have any! We had no speeches either 😁

We had one of the ones dismissed as twee and awful Good job none of you lot were there!

we went with 2 short poems

And as this round is nowhere found to end or else to sever. So let your love as endless flow. And pure as gold forever.

When thy foot is at the alter
When thy hand has passed the wow
when those they love and those thou love thee smiling round they stand.
Oh let the love that friendship spiers like a spirit in the air. Be over thee in that moment. For a blessing and a prayer.

Aziz Anzari, a quote on marriage:
"Hey, so we've been hanging out together all the time, spending a lot of time together and everything... I wanna keep doing that 'til you're dead. I wanna keep hanging out with you 'til one of us dies. Put this ring on your finger so people know we have an arrangement."

Have to say though, OP, it’s a bit rude to ask people for suggestions, get them to share something very personal because they want to help you and then sneer at their choices.

I'm starting to agree with this. Everything has been shared here because it means something special to the people that have shared it, and there's maybe one or two that you haven't sneered at. Yes, some of them may be overly sentimental for some people's taste, but lots of them aren't.

If you're too cool and cynical to want to express any feeling, sentiment or emotion at your wedding, don't have a fucking reading! Just do the vows and get the whole thing over with.

Neither dh nor I could be called romantic so we skipped readings altogether and nobody noticed

"It is a love based of giving and receiving as well as having and sharing. And the love that they give and have is shared and received. And through this having and giving and sharing and receiving, we too can share and love and have… and receive."

Joey Tribbiani

We wanted something different. We had a very 'different' wedding - I wore a black dress, black veil.... our wedding cake was made by our very talented friend where she had made our cat and cat litter (which everyone loved)

I found this reading and then slightly altered it - I loved it.... This isn't the full thing, but it gives you an idea...

Scientific Romance

If Starship travel from our Earth to some far star and back again at velocities approaching the speed of light made you younger than me due to the relativistic effects of time dilation,
I’d show up on your doorstep hoping you’d developed a thing for older people,
and I’d ask you to show me everything you learned to pass the time out there in the endless void of night.

If we were the sole survivors of a zombie apocalypse and you were bitten and transformed into a walking corpse
I wouldn’t even pick up my assault shotgun,
I’d just let you take a bite out of me, because I’d rather be undead forever with you
than alive alone without you.

YES go for Joey's!!! with a second reading about backpacking in the foothills of Mount Tibidabi

I wanted this - slightly depressing - one from Midsummer Nights Dream!

......for aught that I could ever read,
Could ever hear by tale or history,
The course of true love never did run smooth......

......Or, if there were a sympathy in choice,
War, death, or sickness did lay siege to it,
Making it momentary as a sound,
Swift as a shadow, short as any dream,
Brief as the lightning in the collied night,
That, in a spleen, unfolds both heaven and earth,
And ere a man hath power to say "Behold!"
The jaws of darkness do devour it up.
So quick bright things come to confusion.

We had lyrics from a song from an album that means a lot to us (69 love song by magnetic fields) I can’t tell if it’s twee or not because it’s got so much context for us.

The book of love is long and boring
No one can lift the damn thing
It's full of charts and facts and figures
And instructions for dancing
But I, I love it when you read to me
And you, you can read me anything

The book of love has music in it
In fact that's where music comes from
Some of it is just transcendental
Some of it is just really dumb
But I, I love it when you sing to me
And you, you can sing me anything

The book of love is long and boring
And written very long ago
It's full of flowers and heart-shaped boxes
And things we're all too young to know
But I, I love it when you give me things
And you, you ought to give me wedding rings

"Have to say though, OP, it’s a bit rude to ask people for suggestions, get them to share something very personal because they want to help you and then sneer at their choices."

I agree with the above. I do think it's a bit harsh to be quite so personal towards, and judgey about readings shared by people which mean a great deal to them.

I have but sneered at nearly all of them. There are so many I can’t respond to them all. I also thanked people for sharing. I accept I’m unually cynical. I’m aftaid I do think most public declarations of romance are a bit much- I said as much in the OP! It’s not a personal attack on those that think differently.

I have NOT sneered at nearly all of them that should say

Freudian slip 😅

These I Can Promise by Mark Twain is short and (not too) sweet, also Now You Will Feel No Rain. But if I had to choose again it would be Seamus Heaney's Scaffolding which is beautiful.