Self-care every day 2019

[mumof2sarah]

Hi everyone and HAPPY NEW YEAR

I've not made a resolution as such but I am going to do more for myself in the form of self-care. It doesn't have to be too much or for too long but I want to do something daily. I'd love for you all to try and join me.

Here's a list of some of the things I've got on my list:

Read a chapter of what ever book I'm reading.
Bubble bath.
Meditation.
Walk.
Lunch by myself.
Cup of tea in peace.
Movie and candles.
Music hour.

That's just a few of mine. My aim is daily BUT I'm not going to over push myself where I get annoyed if I don't do it. I will try at least 5/10 days even if it's just a 5 minute meditation or a cup or tea in peace.

Who wants to join me? And what're your favourite ways of self-care?x

Hi everyone. I guess my self care has been sat thinking and staring at a TV series but not taking it in. Today I had some shocking devastating news about a friend of mine who's sadly passed away, she's only in her 40s and has left behind her beautiful children. I can't quite believe it. Please remember as well as our self-care to cherish that time with your families and loved ones xx

New pyjamas and cashmere bed socks. And watching the snow fall. ‘Nuff said!

Sorry, Sarah, just spotted your message. I’m so sorry. Stuff like this jolts you back into reality. It sounds like one of those memes, but each day we get is indeed precious. Hope you’re ok.

mumof - so sorry to hear of your loss, it doesn’t sound like you’ve had a great week of self care. I hope you manage some over the weekend.

8fencing - the cashmere socks sound divine

I’ve travelled back home and am currently snowed in. It’s wuite lovely really. I’m spending the weekend catching up with friends and family. Missing my OH lots though and think my DD is, it’s surprising how attached we become. Self care today was spending a few hours on my French.

Thankyou @8FencingWire and @Didsomeonesaybunny I was VERY shocked but I'm ok. I've had a day yesterday with my best friend, shopping, chatting and eating and it was so lovely made my day feel a bit better. Hope you're all ok and enjoying your weekend x

I’ve found my people - I’m actively trying to pay attention to myself and to care for myself this year. Someone said to me “it doesn’t matter what you do in the name of self care, unless you have an attitude of care towards yourself”, so I’m trying to talk to myself the way I talk to people I care about.

In terms of active self care I’m in the middle of a uni assignment, so I’m going to press on with it but make sure I take an hour for myself, maybe to do some sewing.

jellycat, wise words. What’s your assignment on? I’m starting a really really heavy course in may sometimes. I don’t see it as self care though, more of a self torture exercise 😂. Every time I do a postgrad module I’m kicking myself towards the end: why, oh why couldn’t I just keep my mouth shut and why am I putting myself through it again? I do it every 2-3 years though, once I’ve done this, the only courses available are in management, because I’ve done all the relevant courses related to my field, can’t get any more specialised than that. I’m a good leader, but I hate management, so maybe I’ll take up knitting or something.

Back to self care. I portioned the rest of the cake and put it in the freezer, so I don’t plough through it like I did with the other one. See, I’m looking after myself.

I had quite a heavy week. Mentally and emotionally. I didn’t do any exercise, which probably contributes to my slightly lower mood. Counselling session was heavy. Kid was not behaving. Etc.
But I rested yesterday. I walked into town: oasis has got some beautiful boatneck long sleeve t-shirts 25%off. DD was at her Dad’s but I resisted the lure of overtime, I stayed at home. Too cold for parkrun.

All good.
Hope you’re having a nice Sunday :)

Welcome @jellycatspyjamas your words are so true :) good luck with your assignment xx

@8FencingWire sending you lots of love xx

My morning has been spent doing word searches and drink buckets of tea with biscuits and it's been perfect :) hope you all have a wonderful day xxx

@8FencingWire, I’m doing a Masters at the moment and my assignment is on working with trauma(!) so it’s heavy going. I’m enjoying the course though but I know what you mean about wondering why I even started.

Yesterday was good, I did get a lot done, did some sewing and went out for dinner. Today I need to get things sorted for the week ahead so I’m not scrabbling around trying to find school uniforms etc.

Will try to get out for a walk in the snow too.

@jellycatspyjamas sounds like a lovely day you've got planned. I've just organised the uniforms etc for the week ahead and now im going to get dressed and maybe have a walk too (just not in the snow unfortunately there's no snow here) x

I have been doing this myself and it's been working loads, I'm so much stronger now, can anyone suggest anything to help me with my self esteem and self worth?
I'm a single mum to 2 boys and I would like to helped myself, thank you

The best thing I can think of for self esteem and self worth is to stop talking down to yourself. Maybe spend an hour or so really listening to your thoughts and notice how many times you hear things like “for goodness sake, well that was stupid, I’m pretty sure they don’t want me to come - they’re just being kind, what the hell are you doing, god I look a mess....” once you’ve got an idea of how you talk to yourself, change it.

Talk to yourself like you would talk to someone you love and cherish - so “I’ve done my best, let’s see how I can fix this now, i look really good in this top, I’m worth spending time with”... it sounds really wanky at first but if you stop giving yourself a hard time, you’ll slowly stop thinking you’re rubbish.

For me it's more like who would want me when they can get someone better. I am a single mum to 2 boys, I work full time and have a decent life, I have a good job, ok car etc people say I'm attractive, which is hard because I would say I was more average. Anyways the thought of meeting someone decent scares me because I think what do I have to offer them, and the answer is nothing :( they could get someone better than me, so what I end up doing is dating a losers and the whole cycle starts again, I think I need to work on my self esteem but I don't know where to start

Hello, may I join? As my user name suggests I am a sleep deprived cabbage brain! I'm doing a lot of care work for others at this stage of my life - I have a 6mo and a 4yo and DH has a chronic illness so is often struggling. I've had to take on part-time contracts due to financial pressures .

It all feels like quite hard work at the moment. I've spent a long time just hanging on. I need to find ways of being more present in the here and now. I've been doing meditation but need to find some other small ways to feel nice.

Lorddenning1 I've found the visualisations with my mediation app very helpful for boosting self esteem. I've also had a ton of private counselling.

So sorry for your loss mumof2Sarah you must be really shocked.

Welcome to our newest members, it’s lovely having some new contributors.

mum - I hope you’re ok, sending you a hug, you’ve had a pretty rough week.

8fencing - sorry counselling was hard, I’m trying to find a therapist, I used to have a love/hate relationship when I had sessions previously. Your cake choices sound divine. I never thought about freezing cake (to be honest there’s rarely any cake left in my house).

I went back home this weekend to visit friends and family so haven’t really had a moment to myself but it’s been really lovely and we got to enjoy some snow!

Have a restful Sunday evening all, I’m having carameslised bananas and poached pears for my dessert - self care indeed!

jellycat, what kind of trauma?
sarah, tea and biscuits sounds lovely :)
Lord, the one thing that really helped me is thinking: if I was my child/friend, how would I treat myself? And act accordingly. Having a tidy, decluttered house also helped me not feeling frazzled and behind all the time. Sounds terribly stupid and totally unrelated. But it works for me, I have control over my environment type of thinking.
May be worth looking into counselling?
The thing is, for me, that boat of playing happy families has sailed. I Have very few years left before my DD finishes school and forges her own path. I don’t want any more children, the thought of starting a family, be it blended, absolutely fills me with dread. I’m too old for this. Instead, I need a companion. You know: let’s do a class/go for a run together, let’s go to a festival, on a city break etc. What is it that you want?

cabbage, you must be really sleep deprived! I’m scared of lack of sleep, it’s a killer! If I may suggest something from my experience, get rid of all the clothes that are awful, shower every morning and evening and a bag of really good coffee is not more than £3-4. Make this your little ‘me time’ if you can :)
bunny, your weekend sounds nice! Glad you had a good time.

I had a walk today, and a nana nap, it was blissfull!
Have a good week everyone!

I love this thread

Evening all.
For various reasons I was feeling down in the dumps tonight. So I literally dragged myself to the pool for a quick swim....I feel so much better for it!!

I’m waiting for the washing machine to finish so I can hang a load and then I’ll go to bed with my book.
Hope you managed to find a little time for yourselves today, if not, tomorrow is another day, steal those 5 minutes :)

8fencing - hope you’re feeling a little better now. Love how exercise can make you instantly feel better.

I had a coffee with some girlfriends today which was nice and my DD went to bed at 8.30 so I’ve had a few hours of peace and quiet with a cup of tea which has been really lovely.

@8fencing, I’m studying trauma in all it’s firns really, car accidents to natural disasters to interpersonal trauma. I’m a social worker so work with traumatised people a fair bit, the Masters has been an excellent course for my work.

I’ve had a good couple of days - getting the balance between job, home, kids and me. Tonight I’m going to do some stitching in front of crap tv and just relax 😀

I bought some daffodils! DH cooked dinner.

But tons of extra work tonight and tomorrow, bleugh. Deadline on Thursday so self car again after that.

Unfortunately, I seemed to have moved on from one vice to another. I am on a diet (not shifting much weight yet), so I am eating very few of my favourite things - chocolate and wine and I have moved on to 'treating' myself to a new set of clothes in the on-line sales. I think part of this comes from the fact that I tend to wear the same old clothes (I am a sahm with baby plus school age children) and I tend to look mumsy most of the time, plus I don't go out a lot socially to wear nice clothes and I think I am trying to grab hold of some sort of identity = splurge on clothing. Not sure if this is self care or not (not when I see the resulting bank balance). I have also bought some second hand books recently.
On the plus side, I have been going to bed a bit earlier and reading instead of watching things on TV that I don't particularly want to watch but had fallen into the habit of doing so.

Lavender, new clothes are a need and a must sometimes. I really see them as ‘armour’, if you want. Don’t feel bad for doing something solely for yourself!

sleep,I walked into town today and I noticed lots of vases with daffodils in people’s homes :) (I love looking in people’s houses!)

jelly, trauma happens to be one of my interests too! I’m a bit jealous you’re getting a masters in it, such an interesting topic. One of the books that changed my life is ‘The body keeps the score’, have you come across it?

bunny, you seem to have nailed the whole maternity leave thingy:). Glad you had a nice day:)

How are you doing Sarah?

I went to counselling and the first thing she said was that I look shattered. I am. I feel crushed by everything. Too much going on. Feels like I’m on one of those horrible spinney things the kids have in the playground. It’s so tiring, I feel nauseous. I’m not sure how to get off.
But I did go swimming, that made me feel 10X better. I looked at some beautiful art in a gallery. I ate well (cooked food). And I ordered some toner, moisturiser and cc cream off Beauty and Seoul. And I’m about to do my manicure. Getting there, slowly but surely :)

Have a good night one and all

It’s so interesting @8FencingWire, yes I know the book well, have you come across Judith Herman, Trauma and Recovery? She writes really well about trauma of all types, and developed a 3 stage approach to working with trauma. Christiane Sanderson and Stephen Joseph are well worth looking at too from a counselling/therapy point of view. I’m a bit of a study geek 😀

My self care today - I took the time to straighten my hair and do my make up before work, leaving me feeling put together all day.

Ive has a shitty stressful day today - just had some tea and toast in peace before the kids get home. I think a nice, relaxing bath with gin is on the cards tonight.