Where children really better behaved in the past or do people remember with rose tinted glasses?

[username5555]

This is inspired by a video online whereby a toddler was having a massive tantrum on a 8 hour flight.
A lot of the comments underneath basically were how terrible a parent the mother was and how in their day the child wouldn't have dared behave like that.
What is the alleged difference? What are we not doing that we did then? Or do people only remember the good parts and forget their children also behaved like that.
I personally as a mother of a toddler found the comments awful. I suspect the mother was not having the time of her life either.

I do actually think that things have changed, or what was accepted/tolerated has changed.

Me too, you just didn't tantrum, it wasn't acceptable behaviour.
All three of ours tried it once, we just laughed and told them not to be babies,

Boll9cks....I honestly want to try and come up with something as succinct, but it just seems waste of words.

I don't know why you find it difficult to understand other than saying bollocks to everything.

Tantrums weren't acceptable then, children sat in silence - this was my experience growing up.

Children nowadays are not expected to sit in silence whilst visiting relatives and spend most of their time playing on devices - this is my experience now.

These sorts of threads, and discussions about any aspect of parenting (toilet training, behaviour, eating etc) seem to involve so much fecking hyperbole, self aggrandizing, anecdote and genuine bullshit that it becomes a pointless round of self appointed parenting gurus patting themselves on the back.

I can remember the sheer boredom of having to visit relatives on a Sunday afternoon and sit in complete silence while the adults talked.

Yes, I had to do exactly this. Generally, my parents encouraged my bookworm tendencies but it wasn't considered polite to sit in a relative's house reading away, so my sister and I had to sit in silence while the adults talked about people we didn't know and things that were of no interest to us. Fidgeting and interrupting would get us a telling off!

I don't know whether nowadays we would be allowed a 'screen' in that situation, but as we weren't allowed books in the olden days, I would guess screens would have fallen into the same category.

....there I managed to say something other than bollocks.

My experience is not your experience

The were plenty of tantrums in my house when growing up (70s and 80s). My younger sister in particular used to have spectacular ones.

Yes we do all have different experiences, but having someone say bollocks to every remark makes it sound like you think what we're saying is wrong, whereas it's merely an expression of our experiences.

Of course toddlers have always tantrummed. In terms of older kids, I don’t think behaviour has necessarily got worse but I think culturally, kids have less free time and physical space to roam than they did which means they have less opportunity to let their hair down away from supervising adults - and that has a knock on effect on the behaviour we see. When I was growing up - not that long ago - I’d spend hours of the day playing out with my friends without grown ups. The generation before me, even more so. So, kids could climb trees, be wild, shout, play fight etc etc without getting in anyone’s way - and without it seeming “naughty”. Now, that isn’t possible, so you get more kids being noisy and physical in environments where it isn’t appropriate.

Sorry, you seemed pretty definite that, Nowadays nobody would expect kids to do that - that isn't, "I don't know anyone that would expect kids to do that...." or "in my experience, no one expects kids to do that ".

People always frame these things in - "nowadays all kids do xyz"
"Back in my day you'd never have done..."
"All it takes is being firm"
....it's all so flaming absolute.

Kids have always had tantrums!
My sister was the queen of them.
Tantrums are usually born out of frustration at not being able to do something and not having the understanding of why they cant.

hazeyjane

My parenting may seem like bollocks to you but my dc have grown up very well socialised, we made sure as parents.
They can manage to put their phones away when they aren't required for a call, definitely wouldn't dream of using them at a table.
They are raising their kids the same and will laugh at tantrums, no doubt.

Physical punishments
Humiliation for bad behaviour
Abandonment
Communal parenting
Kids playing together out of sight of parents.

Expectations are so drastically different nowadays. No longer are older children EXPECTED to raise the younger ones, especially at social events (where you wouldn't go and find a grown up EVER)
You'd be left in the car if your parents went shopping, people lived closer to larger families so there would be someone to watch the kid whilst you popped out.

You wouldn't be out half as much as you are nowadays, gatherings would be in homes with bedrooms and toys and a VHS if it wasn't so long ago.

You wouldn't spend half a day in Tescos shopping, you'd be popped in your pram and having daily trips to the shops. You'd be left outside the shop.

Children went missing, and died - getting poorly, falling into lakes etc.

My granny had 4 children, all boys and they all broke their collar bones.

I dont think your parenting is bollocks, but I think the assertion that anyone can just decide their child is not going to tantrum, laugh at them for tantrumming and Bang the tantrums are gone, like some uber parenting Barry Scott....that I think is bollocks.

And it also implys that any child who tantrums just does it because the parents are a bit useless/not firm enough/lazy...and all the other stuff thrown at parents (usually mothers) by the media etc these days.

I think there were perhaps fewer opportunities to misbehave in public; coffee shops weren’t abundant, and shopping wasn’t considered to be a leisure activity. No fast food places either, soft play areas, nor garden centres.

This is a interesting discussion. My opinion is that society is definitely different today than before. I’m pretty strict with my kids. I have read articles of parents arguing for no reason at airports etc as well. My mom used to teach me how to behave myself in public places. I tell my children money is not found on trees. Especially when it’s Christmas time.

Parents and teachers are incapable of discipline. All because of the leftists who think the 'child' knows better.

My DH (born 1960) once told me that he spent practically every Saturday night of his childhood sitting outside a pub in the car (in winter) or at a table in summer, with a comic - not because his parents were drinking but because his dad played the piano there. I offered sympathy but DH said he enjoyed it!

MIL was commenting on some badly behaved children at a restaurant recently. She said, "my two boys wouldn't have dreamed of behaving like that at a restaurant!" DH burst out laughing - he and DBiL were notoriously badly behaved but MiL can't remember it. I am very cynical of the posters who say they just 'did what they were told or else' - the only reason your parents needed an 'or else' was because you clearly didn't always do as you were told!

I'm not denying that society, parenting methods and behaviour have changed, but of COURSE children have always misbehaved - they're children!

Parents and teachers are incapable of discipline. All because of the leftists who think the 'child' knows better

Please @PoisonousSmurf expand on your insightful post.

Parents and teachers are incapable of discipline

Teachers aren’t permitted to discipline children nowadays. We rely on parents. They’re the ones who fail to discipline and nobody else can do it for them.

Exactly ImogenTubbs - my mother likes to criticise parents she knows or sees out and about and wax lyrical on how she handled such situations better/ prevented those situations arising through brilliant parenting etc. She forgets that as the oldest in a fairly large family I very clearly remember how my younger siblings were parented, and, to quote a pp, she's generally talking bollocks

She either genuinely can't remember, has rewritten history in her head, or is voicing what with hindsight she thinks would have been a good way to do something and finding it easier to say that's what actually happened...

My school (I'm secondary) is having a big old massive behaviour drive and one of the things they put to us, via the SENCO was that behaviour is going to continue to be challenging as the SEND rates are predicted to rise alongside the fact that the funding is going down. So where we had a TA in the classroom regularly to help kids access the curriculum this is all but common as unicorn poo now.
What I find interesting is no one knows WHY this is... if increased SEND is why we are seeing increased 'poor' behaviour or however we want to interpret that - why? The SENCO threw out something about it being suggested that increased premmie survival rates is one reason. Perhaps this is too much a nature vs nurture answer though, reading this thread. Genuinely interested - behaviour - its a real issue and hasn't been fully answered..

Parents on their phone on holiday are probably bloody working. I went away this year and could afford the holiday but being self employed not the break so people probably saw me in Disney on my phone a lot , it was that or not go

So many People are afraid to say NO to their kids.

When we were growing up 40 years ago NO meant NO and we accepted it.

I coach kids. You can tell the ones that are respectful and able to take direction and understand the boundaries within 5 minutes of meeting them.
The scariest thing is the number that don’t want to part with a mobile phone for an hour or feel the need to take a picture rather than just enjoy the activity.